Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Is Magic Real?

“Only if you believe in it,” I replied to my daughter.

“Do you believe in magic, Mommy?” she pursued.

“Yes, I do,” I answered.

“But magic is not real,” her eyebrows furrowed as she began to think very hard about my answer. If Mommy thinks magic is real, then it must be…but it’s not. Is it?

“Do you believe in magic?” she asked again.

“Yes, I do,” I answered again.

“Is magic real?” she asked again.

“Only if you believe in it,” I replied again.

At this point, she walked away quietly, eyebrows still furrowed. I could hear the wheels in her brain churning away. She is on that search for truth that every child embarks upon to make sense of the world around them.  My twin girls are now 5 years old. They’re constantly making distinctions between whether something or someone is real or not, whether something can truly happen or not, whether magic is real…or not. They’ve just been bombarded with tales and figures of magic – Santa Claus, Rudolph, the Elf on the Shelf (and elves of all kinds), Julenissen (Norwegian) and more. Where do they all fit in their growing awareness of reality?

One of my twins is more grounded in reality than the other. One’s imagination constantly amazes me with the extent to which her ideas are contrived. For her, I want the fantasy worlds to continue…as I would love the other to let go of the realities of life for just a little while longer. But this is not possible, I think. They’re in Kindergarten now and learning much about what’s real and what’s not. As much as I would prefer that my girls maintain their wistfulness, their acceptance of things at face value, I know that must end at some point soon.

Left Handers’ Minds Work Overtime

It was our first parent/teacher conference for our twin Kindergarten girls and gosh, did I learn a lot. Sure, we already have some notions about how our girls learn but what we didn’t know was…well, enlightening. Our girls’ Kindergarten teachers are left handed, a fact I found by the end of the meeting, significant and invaluable for their left handed students, such as our Storyteller. The information and advice their teacher gave us carried significant weight because she is left handed.

First, I have to admit that I was totally deluding myself. I’d commented in a post a month ago about how this “transition” to Kindergarten wasn’t as big a deal for me and my twins as it might have been for other kids and families because my girls had been in preschool and pre-K full-time for the last couple of years. bzzzzzzzzzzzt Wrong!  While one of our twins is excelling in many areas (as we expected), her left handed sister is facing some transition challenges…but is shining in areas we did not expect.

One of the things their teacher pointed out was Storyteller would say she was tired and not want to do something – an activity, answer a question or the like. She wondered if she said this at home. After I explained that she was still napping 3 out of 5 days at pre-K, understanding lit up her face…and mine. Transition. Oh. Then she went on to explain that getting over naps was a definite transition issue for her but also because she is left-handed. Really? What does that have to do with it? She explained that Storyteller’s mind is working overtime because it is turning everything she learns and sees backwards in order to do things correctly or I should say as all the right handers do.

Volunteering – Getting More Back Than What I Put In

My turn! My turn! Today, I led the first Art Vistas presentation for my girls’ Kindergarten class. It was so much fun! I have anticipated devoting time to my girls’ school for the last few years and it’s finally come around. I have such fond memories of Kindergarten projects, crafts and activities when I was a kid. I couldn’t wait to dive in with my girls’ class.

I have several mommy friends who have had their children attend parent participation preschools the last few years. The required commitment of time on the parents’ part was something my husband and I could not sign up to but it certainly seemed a compelling alternative to the more traditional, play-based preschools or the structured academic ones. As I listened to my friends chat about their latest field trips to the park exploring the creek, discovering local inhabitants, I couldn’t help but feel a little envious. Gosh that sounded like fun. I could totally see my girls getting into that. But my mind always said the time to make the commitment to school would be when they entered the public school system. We all know how much help the public schools could use.

And so as the first day of Kindergarten rolled around, I eagerly looked for the sign up sheet. With other moms’ warnings ringing in my head, “Be conservative. Don’t sign up for too many things in the beginning,” I scanned the list, paying close attention to the “expected” amount of time each volunteer position would take. And there it was. The Art Vistas program. Not only was it a once per month commitment, it was right up my artsy craftsy alley. For those that know me well (or not so well), anything that remotely resembles any kind of art or craft would appeal to my inner state of well being.

One Present, Two Presents, Three Presents, Four?

It’s a well-known quandary amongst families with multiples and birthday parties. That is, when your twins are going to a birthday party for a friend of theirs, do they bring one present or two? When your twins are going to a birthday party for twins, do they bring two presents or four? What about your own twins? What’s right? What’s wrong? What’s practical? What’s reasonable? What’s over the top?

While I strive to teach my girls that receiving presents for their birthday is not the point of having a party and that having their friends over to celebrate their special day should be present enough for them, they go to many birthday parties where they bring presents for the birthday boy or girl and wonder why I say what I do. <heavy sigh> And while I could certainly say “no presents please” in the invitations (as I did their first couple of years) or ask guests to give to a charity in their honor if they really want to do something special for my girls…I really don’t think I should want to deprive them of the fun and excitement of receiving gifts on their birthday. Why should I? Receiving and opening gifts during or after my childhood parties were part of the anticipation of turning one more year older.

Healthcare For a Dream Life

We had children late in our lives (not by design certainly). So, my husband and I spent many years in successful high-salaried positions in hi-stress, hi-tech Silicon Valley (well, my husband still does). We played volleyball, tennis, went bike riding (road and mountain), swam, hiked, ran and whatever else we were inspired to do at the moment. We suffered a few injuries here and there – a sprained ankle, a torn ligament, a torn Achilles tendon, bruised knee – the usual sorts of sports-related stuff. Each time something happened, I did what any regular ol’ Silicon Valley-ite would do with a PPO, I got referrals from friends and saw highly recommended doctors to fix me up, write my prescriptions for physical therapy and put me back on the court (or trail, whichever the case may be).

Each time, I paid my per-visit deductibles whether for the surgery or the physical therapy or the follow-up checkups. $20 here…$25 there… It all seemed rather reasonable to me at the time. After all, I could play all my sports, get hurt, get fixed, work out and I was back to life as usual. I was pretty healthy with no serious health issues to worry about. I was also single (well, with a serious boyfriend, then fiancé, now husband).

My husband, being a Norwegian and more attune to differences between our two countries in politics and other systems would remark how expensive it was for these “little fixes.” Did you know how much your MRI was for your torn ACL? I was more concerned about the out-of-pocket expenses that I could easily handle. The total cost? Well, that was why I paid for insurance. And then he looked at how much I paid for insurance. Do you realize how much your premiums are? Yea, but it’s easy not to worry about because it was automatically deducted from my paycheck.

And so went my dream world of healthcare. For the healthy, employed, well-paid, single professional, there really isn’t much to worry about, is there? If I needed it, it was there. I just needed to make sure I had a PPO plan so I could make my own choices if/when I needed to (oh and count the number of personal days I had to use up for my next vacation…but I digress).

He Can Still Make Me Smile - Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson. He can still make me smile. He can still make the tears fall down my face. Through his music. It was and always will be his music.

Many people have blogged about Michael Jackson and what he meant to them. I refrained from doing so myself probably because of that. But after watching his touching memorial service today, I was moved to write.

There have been many famous faces and personalities that have passed on. I remember when John Lennon passed away while I was at Stanford. Several students grieved. I didn’t understand it. I mean, they couldn’t have known the guy personally, how could it affect them so? I remember when Princess Diana died in a car accident. It was sad, I know. I was moved by the grief everyone showed not her actual passing. How could I? I never knew her, nor would I ever have met her.

Losing With Tears

We just finished another night of family games which, as many times before, ended in one of our twins breaking down in a sobbing fit that she didn’t win. <heavy sigh> We started this ritual a few months ago after I was on a week-long business trip missing my family. One night while away, I started thinking about how quickly our girls were growing up. We’d gone from infants needing our constant attention for their survival to toddlers requiring constant supervision for their safety to preschoolers needing less and less of our presence. We now have budding Kindergarteners who insist on doing everything themselves. While we’re lucky to have twins who can play with each other most of the time quite peacefully, we realized that the day when they won’t want to hang out with us parents is looming in the horizon. So, we instituted family game night and our girls LOVE it as do we…until the end…when there is a loser. And that loser is one of our girls.

Please tell me this is a phase. I don’t know how many times we’ve explained to each of them that it’s great to win but one cannot always win. We’ve given the “if you’ve done your best, that’s all that counts” kinda talk; explained the idea of chance (cards and board games); talked about how “sore” losers are no fun to play with; encouraged the thought that winning is great but losing with grace is just as important, etc. etc. etc. We try to play games multiple times so that more than one person has a chance to win. However, we don’t let anyone win just so they’ll feel good. We think that’s disingenuous and unfair. I mean, they’re playing games now at preschool and summer camps and they’ve got to learn how to win [without gloating] and lose [without crying].

Summer Science Camps – Where Are All the Little Girls?

Monday was the first day of summer camp for my twin 5-year-old girls. As the groups checked in at the front gate, something struck me as odd. I couldn’t put my finger on it at first but as I surveyed the group that gathered to leave after check-in, I noticed a distinct lack of little girls…except for my two and an old pre-K classmate of my girls. I couldn’t help but wonder, “Where are all the little girls?”

Destination Science was our choice for four weeks this summer along with Camp Galileo for three weeks in between. Themes such as wacky weird robots and rocket blasters, wild animal physics and African art, building big and monster races appealed to us as parents and, knowing our girls curious minds, would fascinate them and open their minds to new concepts. I’d also gotten rave reviews from other parents who’d sent their kids there. But as I thought about it, I realized that most of those parents had boys.

Meltdown Mornings – Hand Me a Shot…Of Anything

Even worse, meltdown Mondays! When will they end? OK, OK I know that everyone has an opinion on the right parenting technique to avoid such incidents. I know that for every tantrum my girls [and I] have suffered, there’s a book out there to show me what a wonderful teaching moment this could be. Yea, well let me tell ya, when you’re in the moment, that moment just. Has. To. End!

I know I’m not the perfect mother. I know my patience has an end (which is quite faster to reach these days). I know my girls are only demanding asking for things(whatever that is) any little 5-year-old might want. But when that happens at twenty minutes to nine in the morning (preschool starts at 9 am and we still have a ten minute walk there), timeouts are just not the answer.

Take the other morning. From the moment Songwriter woke up to the time we were out the front door for our morning march to school, she complained, whined, and cried about everything, literally. She didn’t want to get dressed before coming downstairs because she didn’t feel like it. She didn’t want plain bread, she wanted toast. She wanted more milk and we just ran out. She didn’t like those socks because they were too yellow (she picked them out). She didn’t want to wear that headband (yea, she picked it out, too) because it wasn’t the shiny one. She didn’t want to wear her tennis shoes because they were too big (she has worn them for several weeks now).

Our First Drop-Off Birthday Party

My twin girls turned 5 on Monday and we held their birthday party with a few friends on the following Saturday at Color Me Mine (a wonderful Silicon Valley ceramics painting place, in case you didn’t know). And when I booked this place, it became a drop-off birthday party. That’s right, it didn’t start out that way. The party room was limited. 15 kids was the absolute maximum. They strongly suggested that I tell the parents to drop off their kids and return after 1.5 hours. Really? I hadn’t thought about that. I was still in the chaperoning mindset. Would there be help? Oh yes, they assured me. Well, okaaaaaaaaay but….

I wondered how other parents would feel. I wondered how I would tell them nicely, “we would love for your child to come but you’ll have to leave.” I wondered if they would decline the invitation to their kid because of that. Then I thought, this is a kids’ birthday party. They should understand. I mean, if I received a similar invitation for my girls, I would love it. A free 1.5 hours? Grrrrrrrrreat! Where's the nearest spa?