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January 26, 2007

Dear Mothers' Club: It's over between us

Dear Mothers' Club,

I'm leaving you.  We had a good run.  But it is time to move on.  We've grown apart.  I need my space.  I want to see other people.  I want to be allowed to be a mother without fear or judgement.

I know you'll probably continue to send emails about the working mother's child you saw in the park with the nanny that wasn't watching her the way you, oh perfect mother, watch your own children.  I'm tired of the flaming responses I get when I try to give an alternative opinion about your beloved preschool.  I'm tired of hearing about the "bad" neighborhoods in our exclusive, privileged community. I'm tired of discussing whether its ok for girls to wear pink, or what is considered "normal" behavior for a 3 year old, or which minivan is better - and should it have leather seats or the built-in dvd player. 

I'll admit that in the beginning I was hooked on you.  I thought you could do no wrong.  I was mesmerized by your size, by your affluence, by your power.  You were popular.  I wanted to be popular, too.  I was drawn in like a moth to a flame.  You seemed to know it all.   And I thought that by being near you, I'd somehow be a part of you, and I would then know it all too.  But I just can't take the constant guilt that I'm not good enough, that you know my child better than me, that you in your infinite wisdom can make me question the simplest of decisions.

Yes, we had good times.  I loved the community parties and kids outings and wine tasting. But you made it too difficult for a working mother to fit in.  I wanted to be more involved, but your weekday meetings during the workday are exclusive to the SAHM.  When I tried to volunteer for work that could be done in the "off" hours, you never returned my call.   

I tried, Mother's Club, I really tried. I took matters into my own hands.  I signed up to bring meals to the new moms, I knitted beanies for the babies in the NICU, I baked and decorated cupcakes for the Halloween party, I organized more than one support group, I sat in in as many evening meetings as I could get childcare, I participated in a panels and discussions.  And still, I wasn't good enough for you.  I tried to learn to love you.  But we are just too different.  It just is not going to work out.

Don't cry, Mother's Club.  People change.  We all change.  I've changed.   It was fun while it lasted.  But it's over. 

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