Orange County Moms Blog

Welcome to Catalog-Land. Now go change your shirt so you match the sofa.

 Everywhere I look I can see a little stack of catalogs in my home. In the family room, the office, the bedroom and yes, the bathroom. Stacks of catalogs for brands and products that vary from craft kits to high-end (read: who the heck can afford this?) poolside furniture. I receive them in the mail nearly everyday. And with their arrival I smile a little inside. I get a sense of excitement about what lies inside their covers. I can not wait to dream over the insanely perfected scenes of home life that real people (people who do not live in catalog-land) can only yearn to achieve, like children's bedrooms with beds made in coordinated themes right down to the toys on the floor.

Sometimes I stop and wonder if any mom out there takes these aspirations all a little too far. I can see the young type-a wife, ordering every product in the photo spread to create the perfect truck-themed room for her toddler, saying "no Robby you can only play with TRUCK toys in your truck room. Robots are for enjoying in the robot themed playroom."

Summer is my season to shine.

It is approaching the end of the school year- and I am thrilled. JUST THRILLED. Since I am a S.W.A.T. (smart women with available time) or SAHM if you prefer, summer is really the season I get to shine. I plan all kinds of field trips for the three of us: Griffith Observatory, MOCA, and the beach. I plan play dates and squirt gun parties. I pass out lots of Popsicles and cookies. We make and edit movies just for fun. We do all kinds of clay projects. We paint and draw. And we frequently do a wood working project (last summer was a catapult I built with the boys). I get enthusiastic about collecting bugs and making makeshift habitats for them in shoe boxes. We swim at Grandma’s house for as long as we want and that is usually till sunset.

Basically we hang out together. And I love it. No stress. No worries….and all fun. I never have to hear myself say things like “NO you can’t ride your skateboard you have homework!” or “NO you can not stay up to watch that- it is a school night”….nope I just get to hear myself say “YES-Sure we can all sleep in the family room and rent lots of movies to watch”, or even “YES, I will let you put whip cream on your waffles”. Of course it is a bit harder to get anything done around the house (cleaning when the boys are home is like walking UP a DOWN escalator)…and sometimes I yearn for the ability to go grocery shopping without having to say to explain the nutritional differences between apple candy and a real apple. But in general- I love summer with my kids. I love the luxury of just BEING with them. I want to soak them all up. I want to savor all of this time together- because whether I like it or not (and I do not like it) they are growing up and growing away. Before long I will be out of a job. And someday summer will come- and I will be able to think back on all these wonderful wacky summers we have together- and I will have lots of great memories to make me smile.

Feel free to drop by Marcy's place at The Glamorous Life Association to follow all her fun and failures this summer. Plenty of popsicles to go around!

This is an original OC MOMS BLOG post.

Giving my kids the gift of nothing

Today I did something crazy.

I kept perfectly healthy children home from school. And no, we are not going to Disneyland for the day, nor do we have relatives in town who want to spend a little mid-week time with the kids. Nope. We have absolutely nothing planned today. And nothing is exactly what we need.

It all started last night over homework, when my 9 year old started totally freaking out that one of his homework pages was 'too wrinkled' from having slipped to the bottom of his backpack. I calmed him, and made a crisp, clean copy from my scanner for him. Crisis adverted I thought. This little incident was followed by my 11 year old slipping into tears as he explained his teacher's discipline for talking in class. Turns out he was telling a fellow student the the chair he was about to sit in was broken, but the teacher did not care about this 'thoughtful disruption' and forced him to take a zero on the quiz for that day. He told me about this harmless infraction and was bawling by the end. And so was I. He knew I believed him. He knew I thought the teacher over-reacted. But this was so much more to him. It was 'his straw' and his proverbial camel back was breaking right before my eyes. At one point his eyes looked right at mine and he said "you have no idea how hard it is to be a kid mom". Funny thing is, I know very very well. I suffered with similar self imposed over-achieving syndrome as a child and I remember it vividly.

Then came reality. The low down on Mother's Day.

Before I had children, I used to wistfully fantasize about a mythical Mother's Day far far off in the future, when adorable children in coordinated Hannah Anderson pajamas would run into my room in the morning with a tray full of my organic farm raised breakfast, a rose picked from the garden (apparently in my fantasies I am an avid gardener too) followed by my hunky smiling husband saying "Good Morning to the best mom and wife on the planet" as he handed me a small Tiffany blue box containing a new charm to add to my charm bracelet started many years earlier while honeymooning in Paris. This little scene is all followed by a leisurely brunch  by the water somewhere and ending in a big nap while the family does the laundry, and housework for an entire day. Only stopping to bring me cups of tea and various desserts.

Yeah well, then came reality.

We are all winging it. Expect differences.

I have a good friend, I have lovingly nicknamed "Amish Mom". Let me explain the origins of her silly nickname......Amish Mom has chosen to have one TV in her house. And this single TV in her home (we have three ) does not have a Wii, Playstation or an XBox connected to it. Her kids are not killing aliens on the one computer (we have three of those too) in her home, nor staring into cell phones, iTouches, IPods, Gameboys or PSPs at the dinner table. Because they don't own any of those items. 

You see, Amish Mom has made an unconventional choice to keep her children as electronically distraction free as possible. Don't get the wrong idea, Amish Mom is not the churn-your-own-butter-homeschool-in-the-basement-mommy-will-make-you-a-prom-dress lady you might be picturing, although her kids did give my kids a weaving  LOOM as a Christmas present once, but I digress.... The reality is that she is a sophisticated cultured business woman who has every reason to jump on anything that would make her life as a working mother of three easier. And let's face it- these electronic toys make parenting EASIER in many ways. Not only are they perfect time wasters in restaurants and car rides, but they act as strong collateral for reinforcing discipline decisions. The phrase "Put down that Gameboy until your homework is done" can be heard in millions of homes across America.

Now Amish Mom and I are very close friends. We share similar tastes in design, parenting styles and even ethics and yet we differ on this one parenting decision. To sum it up, I am pro EVERYTHING with

We are working ourselves out of our jobs.

The thing about being a mom, is that if you do it well, you are basically working yourself out of a job in 18-20 years. This is a fact that has both given me solace and angst as the years creep by.  I will admit, there have been days I have allowed myself to fantasize about having a home free of toys, juice boxes and mystery stains. I have envisioned my proverbial empty nest, and on a few very hectic, crazy, mom-heavy days it looks very appealing. But the truth is, that on most days I am joyously heartbroken as I have to sit by and witness my children growing into the adults they will eventually become. Being a mother is a wonderfully painful experience. While I am thrilled my offspring are reaching milestones, it occurs to me that they are now one more step closer to leaving me. Like the end of a really great party, you know it is coming, but it doesn't make it any easier when it does.

First it was the walking-talking-no diaper thing and then came getting dressed by themselves, first sleep over and the even their first conversation we have while they ride in the front seat of the car. And just this week, I dropped my eleven year old son off at his first boy-girl party. A party where his new 'girlfriend' would be, and he would be anxious as he pulled out a rainbow colored pukka shell necklace he bought for her over the Spring Break. She would kiss him on the cheek and tell him he was 'too sweet'. Later, on the ride home he would confess to me that the whole thing made him a little nauseous and sweaty, so he offered to go get her a soda so he could catch his breath. I sit there in the dark car,l it only by the fluorescent street lights, listening to his sweet pre-puberty voice telling me about the dancing and the fun he had that night.  I watch his yet-to-be shaven face light up when he talks about how one of his friends fell in the pool while trying to do a new dance move to impress the girls. I can do nothing but sit back and marvel how far he has come; and how many milestones he has already reached.

The Housewife Dictionary: "Checkbook Party"

Checkbook Party: A party given for the sole purpose of selling a product. A la Tupperware. Or Partylite (candles), or designer jeans…or, well just about anything.

The phrase was coined by my loving husband, who when I announced he would be on his own with the kids for a Friday night a few months ago- asked where I was going. When I told him it was a ‘candle party thing’…he said ’oh, no another Checkbook Party’- and the phrase was coined in my house from that moment on...

How to prepare your toddler for the new baby. Or not.

Boys and girls are different. Okay, I know... no news flash here- but until I had boys I did not realize just HOW different. Which of course reminds me of a story…

When I was pregnant with my second child I bought a little dolly for my first born son who was two years old. I read somewhere in one of my 300 books on pregnancy that this was a good way to help the toddler ‘adjust’ to the new baby. I had visions of Toddler Jack play feeding and play changing the baby doll. I saw sweet moments in my future with that little doll. So when Jack first saw the doll and he was interested and fascinated by the doll's open and closing eyes and tiny clothes I thought smugly to myself ‘This is going well!' Boys can play with dolls just like girls. Why didn’t I do this sooner?". I left him in his room for playtime while I went to go get dinner started. With a peaceful confident heart I floated into the kitchen thinking I had this mom-of-two-kids thing mastered. Minutes later Toddler Jack comes in the room behind me and yells “mommy I love dis baby!” …my back was turned and I continued stirring and smiling and said “that is great honey! Tell mommy why do you love the baby doll?” And then I turned and saw the horror in front of me. Before I could speak Toddler Jack said “cuz dis baby good for golf!”………Thaaaaat's right folks, Toddler Jack was using the new precious baby doll to GOLF a ball around the house. He was swinging that poor doll by its feet and knocking the ball with the head.

The elusive 'AwesomeMom' spotted in The OC.

I saw her. She stood in line at Disneyland with 5 kids. I figured they were all her children- since she eventually grabbed each one by the ear and said ‘knock it off’ with such authority- I was certain none of these kids belong to the neighbors.

She stood confidently. She was calm.

First it was the one in the stroller who dropped her pacifier- quickly AwesomeMom whisked it up and reached into her magic bag (some call it a purse) and grabbed a wipey and cleaned that paci and returned it to kid #1. By then Kid #2 had attempted a headstand at the daring of Kid #3 and Kid#4 and inevitably fell and scratched his elbow. Yes it was bleeding. AwesomeMom didn’t show an ounce of panic- again she reached into the magic bag and pulled out not only an appropriately sized band-aid (I have been known to use 3 small ones to cover a boo-boo) but also anti-bacterial spray. Spritz, Spritz…all was well. While this was going on Kid #5 began a sneezing attack which required allergy medicine, a sip of water, eye drops and tissues from the Magic Bag. She handed him all of this while she gave Kid #4 and #5 a super bouncy ball to play with during the wait. But this made #1, #3 and #5 jealous- no worry: baby rattle, Gameboy and ipod make their way out of the bag and into their waiting hands. She noticed the Gameboy battery was broken. She reached in the Magic Bag and pulled out (now this is where I really got impressed)…she pulled out DUCT TAPE…and fixed the Gameboy. After that she decided to whip out a small brush and touch up the kids hair. Her cell phone rang. I leaned in…"Oh hi honey…not much....just the usual…”

AwesomeMom.

She’s got you covered.

What is usual for her- is amazing to me.

This is an original OC Moms Blog post. Marcy Massura is an humorist, writer and public speaker. Read more about her attempts to become an AwesomeMom here. She keeps trying, but rarely comes close.

How did I get here again?

"Motherhood. It's nothing like the brochure"

That is a little line I have been known to throw out to complete strangers from time to time. Like say you are the mom in the parking lot of Target holding a flailing, screaming toddler against all hope of getting the kid into the darn car seat. Your ponytail holder goes flying, you bumped your head on the car door, the kid is now hitting you and yelling at the top of their lungs "HATE MOMMY!". I walk by, you glance my way with a 'if you judge me right now I am gonna kill you' look...and I just smile and say my 'brochure' line or maybe even "Being a mom kinda sucks sometimes huh?". Hopefully you smile and think 'You mean it is okay to hate this part?'

Yeah. It is okay lady. Totally and completely OKAY.

Upon becoming a mother I read every book published on the subject. I subscribed to magazines with adorable children on the cover. I attended Mommy & Me classes. I learned how to sneak vegetables into my kids meals, I learned about the safest/bestest/trendiest strollers and I learned how much I was supposed to love every stinkin' moment of this new lifetime position as a mom. Apparently I was lucky to know more about pee and poop than my non human making girlfriends. I have say I didn't feel  very 'lucky'. I felt kinda....stupid. I mean I wished for this? I prayed for this? THIS IS HARD. Why didn't anyone tell me this is hard WORK.

On the toughest of days (read: nearly everyday) I am stressed, frustrated and tired. I wonder how many people would jump on board a cruise ship knowing absolutely nothing about trip and then find out you can not get off the boat. No matter how badly you want to be skinny and well rested again. It's is a permanent gig. In other words, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube any more than you can un-become a mother.

And yet. I find, underneath it all..... I love it. Even in the middle of my recent flu epidemic that brought the kids down and me up all night cleaning out puke buckets....I was happy. Okay not 'John Stewart asked me out on a date' kinda happy....but a different kind of happy. The kind of contentment and happiness that comes from working hard towards a goal. The goal of raising my offspring. The offspring that are certain to go on to do great things in this world. Like be great parents themselves. Will I warn them about just how HARD this parenting thing is going to be? Probably not. I mean why spoil the surprise?

Marcy Massura can be found enjoying the many sides of parenting at her other home The Glamorous Life Association. Stop by. Just step over the legos and laundry on the way in...

Original Orange County Moms Blog post.