Orange County Moms Blog

Silicon Valley Moms Group Acquired By Technorati Media

Reports of our demise, as the saying goes, were premature. The Silicon Valley Moms Group of sister sites is taking up residence in a new location. Look for that great timely, opinionated, poignant, and sometimes just plain funny parenting content you're used to seeing on this site over at The Women's Channel at Technorati. After 6 great years of blogging here, we've moved to a new home.

Fondly,

Jill Asher, Beth Blecherman & Tekla Nee

Co-Founders, Silicon Valley Moms Group

The Trauma of Childhood Sports

We had a little crisis this week. My five-year-old son Jafta has been begging to attend a basketball camp for the past three months, and I signed him up for one through our city for preschool-aged kids. All summer, he's been asking about it and counting down to when it would start. It was supposed to start Monday. On Saturday, I got a call telling me it had been canceled.

I found myself with two options:
1) completely crush my son and have him mope about it endlessly until the next camp starts IN OCTOBER
2) lie omit information about his age and enroll him in a camp running this week for kids age 6-8

Which one do you think I did?

Growing up in a family that didn't really do sports, I am having a long and rocky learning curve as I navigate the role of "sports mom". I would like to pretend that it's just a new cultural experience for me, but the reality is that athletics have always brought up deep insecurities for me. And as any parent knows, having a child basically means watching your own fears and insecurities walk around outside your body.

Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok: A SV Moms Group Book Club

Transplanted from Hong Kong to New York City as a (very poor) young girl with her mother, Ah-Kim or Kimberley, struggled to make things better for her family, to learn English, to walk the line between traditional Chinese duties and the Americanized teenager she grew into. Join us today as we discuss the book Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok.

Here are what the SV Moms Group contributors ave to say today, all inspired by the book Girl in Translation:

• Marinka from Motherhood in NYC tells her immigration story in America, Baby
• Pamela from 2 Much Testosterone felt empowered
• Emily from Mama Sick has hope for her son
• Sharon from Channeling Ricky recognizes her own childhood embarrassment
• Vanessa from Chefdruck Musings goes for a taste of America
• April from It's All About Balance is a girl in gratitude
• Emily Paster from West of the Loop examines secrets below the surface
• Melanie from tales from the crib just wanted to fit in
• Elena from Cara Mamma reflects on dreaming big
• Lisa H. from Hannemaniacs has aunts just like Aunt Paula
• Alma from Marketing Mommy had culture shock
• Kristine from Mommy Needs Therapy or a Bottle of Wine was moved by the reality of immigrants who come to the U.S. for a "better" life
• Rox from Rox and Roll has thoughts about honor
• Julie from Just Precious opens her eyes in her own neighborhood
• Jen B from Anybody Want A Peanut? tries to translate autism

Silicon Valley Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please leave a comment here to join in the discussion.

Past SV Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• I am Nujood, Aged 10 and Divorced by Nujood Ali
• The Body Scoop for Girls by Dr. Jennifer Ashton
• Just Let Me Lie Down by Kristin van Ogtrop, Editor of REAL SIMPLE magazine
• National Geographic's Green Guide Families by Catherine Zandonella
• Top 100 Finger Foods and Top 100 Baby Purees by Annabel Karmel
• The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman
• The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex by Kristen Chase
• Coco Chanel & Igr Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh
• See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
• Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the SV Moms Group Book Club.

My Babies are Growing Up!

Being a Mom of two boys is a never-ending source of entertainment.  Ten years ago no one had heard of iPods, iPads, iPhones or other silly things, but now those words are common.   

We were out and about running errands in the car when I heard my oldest began to tell my youngest a joke:

Hey Kyle?

What?

How do you spell iCup?

It only took him a minute to start spelling out i...C...u...p... (Are you laughing yet?)

The car was suddenly full of laughter.  I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.  Of course the same joke was re-told about 50 more times.  Yes, including to the couple in line behind us while waiting for Space Mountain at Disneyland last week.

My life has really changed being a mother of not just one, but two active boys.  No butterflies, Barbie's or pink anything around our house.  Instead it's roller coasters, Lego's and video games.  My boys have brought out the adventurous side in me and I love it.  But, my little babies aren't babies anymore and it is becoming harder to ignore every day. 

Gun Control (the mom you want to be, and the mom you are)

I spend a lot of time pondering the disparity betweenthe mom I though I would be, and the mom I am. I was such a good mom before having kids. I had dreams of my children playing with quaint wooden toys, learning piano at a young age, and having picnics in meadows (eating only organic food, of course). Somehow my reality of motherhood involved a lot more plastic, McDonalds, and trips to Target than I ever imagined. That meadow picnic? Yeah, that's never happened.

Also in my dreams of motherhood, our home would be free of toys that represent weapons. My oldest was a boy - but I imagined that somehow, with careful guidance, I could free him from the gender expectations that give way to a desire for violent objects. Unfortunately, no one warned me that a predilection for destruction seems to be coded in the DNA. Despite providing my son Jafta with a playroom full of peaceful, docile toys, he seems to be drawn only to things that produce explosions, loud noises, or (best yet), wounds of the flesh. He was begging for a sword by the time he could talk. Once he got wind of this light-saber business, everything in the house (paper towel roll, umbrella, drumstick) was brandished as a light-saber. And now, despite the fact that he's never seen a movie much darker than Stuart Little, he is totally and utterly obsessed with guns. 

WARNING: Hormones at Play!

Why is it that pregnancy just doesn't seem to bring the best out of women? Between weight gain, a huge belly, skin issues, tears over Hallmark commercials and the ending of Disney movies, and excess perspiration we also get to deal with raging hormones worse than what we experienced in our teenage years. Ah, the joys of growing a child!

I have to admit that I'm at the point in my pregnancy where for the most part I feel as if I'm functioning rather normal (as long as I get some sleep at night). But there are certain things that really set me off. Certain things that have an automatic Panic Button deployment that I feel so out of control on.

How do I explain this to people?

I'm not normally too crazy. But let's face it, I do get a little nutty at times- which I attribute more to my lifestyle of wearing far too many hats, and my lack of ability to say "no" to taking on far too much. Recently there was an incident when a certain person in my life gave me information that just pushed me over the edge. I essentially took the information to be perceived as pressure on me, and then put undue pressure on other people. I panicked. A lot.

Welcome to Catalog-Land. Now go change your shirt so you match the sofa.

 Everywhere I look I can see a little stack of catalogs in my home. In the family room, the office, the bedroom and yes, the bathroom. Stacks of catalogs for brands and products that vary from craft kits to high-end (read: who the heck can afford this?) poolside furniture. I receive them in the mail nearly everyday. And with their arrival I smile a little inside. I get a sense of excitement about what lies inside their covers. I can not wait to dream over the insanely perfected scenes of home life that real people (people who do not live in catalog-land) can only yearn to achieve, like children's bedrooms with beds made in coordinated themes right down to the toys on the floor.

Sometimes I stop and wonder if any mom out there takes these aspirations all a little too far. I can see the young type-a wife, ordering every product in the photo spread to create the perfect truck-themed room for her toddler, saying "no Robby you can only play with TRUCK toys in your truck room. Robots are for enjoying in the robot themed playroom."

One Year Ago

It's been one year since our move to el OC.  One whole year.  This time last year, the excitement of moving to a new town/city/county was still in the air.  Little did I know what a l-o-n-g summer with 3 kids at home would be like. I went through a little depression.  I thought I would love being a whole lot closer to my famlilia, and I did (but it took some getting used to!). See, when my hubby and I got married, 12+ years ago, he took me to live in the city that I worked at so I wouldn't have to commute any where(I know, sweet huh?)

Well, we never moved out of that city.  Not even out of the little apartment.  If you have ever lived in the San Gabriel Valley, you know that its not like any other So Cal city to live in.  I totally miss my neighbors!  I do!  Yes, they were Asians, but I learned to live with them and commute with them and shop with them so much, that one of the hardest thing to get used to here in el OC, is not having a Chinese Market close to me! Still, I make my monthly trips out there to buy groceries that I can't find here.

The Work of 'Til Death Do Us Part

Cross posted from our sister blog, 50-Something Moms Blog.

In the news this week it was announced that after 40 years of marriage, Al and Tipper Gore were separating. After the round of snorty, churlish jokes about who will get custody of the Internet, people began to comment on the sadness of it all. After 40 years it would seem that a couple would have a lock on a successful marriage, a marriage that withstands the tests of time, a marriage that will last 'til death do us depart. But it seems that this is not the case. In the case of the Gores, it seems that it wasn't a sordid affair or other ilk like that. No, they simply, in their own words, 'grew apart after 40 years together".Over time they had carved out separate lives.

So with the end of what always seemed to be an enduring love story where do we all begin to understand this. It doesn't just make us sad but it makes us a little scared.

Continue reading at our sister blog, 50-Something Moms Blog.

Are children colorblind?

My mom loves to reminisce about my childhood – what mom doesn’t? In one of her favorite stories we are sitting around the dinner table and I ask her and my dad with the curious bluntness of a 3 year old “Mommy. Daddy. Are we Chinese?”

For those of you who don’t know what I look like, the picture to the left is me around the time of the “Chinese” question. I couldn’t be more vanilla!!

While my family looks at this childhood quip as hysterical, it also raises the questions – Are children born colorblind? Do they have innate racial biases?

Being a 4th Generation Orange County Gal from the suburbs, my upbringing wasn’t very “colorful.” I was part of the majority, so I can see why I had no clue what being Chinese meant. I’m sure the circumstances would be different for an actual Chinese child in the OC. (But I’m not really sure… thoughts?)

So when does the “I’m different looking than you” thing start? When do the negative stereotypes cement themselves in our kiddos?

Vlog: Moms, kids and pets

A simple Pineapple Martini toast to all the moms who give their kids the gift of pets. Whatever the pet, whatever the size, whatever the mess. 

I am Nujood, Aged 10 and Divorced by Nujood Ali: A SV Moms Group Book Club

Married as a child into an abusive relationship in Yemen, this little girl had the strength to escape and demand a divorce. Interviewed by the New York Times over Skype, Nujood Ali, who does not speak English and worked with a French co-author to write her memoir, I am Nujood, Aged 10 and Divorced, tells her powerful story of becoming a child bride. It is a story that is, unfortunately, not just hers. Join us today as we discuss the book I am Nujood, Aged 10 and Divorced by Nujood Ali, with Delphine Minoui.

Here are what the SV Moms Group contributors have to say today, all inspired by the book I am Nujood, Aged 10 and Divorced:

• Tiffany from Lattes and Life wishes we all had a little of Nujood in us
• Grace from Tale of the Multi-Tasking, Craft-and-Design-Loving, Mother-of-Two, Singaporean-Living-in-US, Corporate-Working Mom Named Grace Hester was motivated to look up more into the practice of child brides in Yemen
• Lisa H. from Hannemaniacs hopes other women can pull together the strength to reclaim their life and happiness
• Kara-Noel from Eli's Lids: The Blog points out that Yemen is not the only place where 9-year-olds are on display
• Sarah from The Travel Mommy considers when honor is at stake
• Heidi from Coast to Coast Mom says that getting married at nine is like getting married at four
  
• Garima from Mommy In Making determines that something can be done about it...it starts with education
  
• Sharon from Channeling Ricky examines everyday bravery
• Jen from Anybody Want A Peanut? asks what is hope?
• Bay from Queen Mother Blog thinks this book should be fast-tracked to high school reading lists
• Cheryl from SpecialSauce in the House views home as a springboard
• Jennifer Z. from Dirty Little Secret says that many divorced people deserve a party grander than their weddings
• Kristine from Mommy Needs therapy or a Bottle of Wine is given a book, a co-worker and some perspective
• Melissa from Peanut Butter in my Hair shares lessons from Nujood
• Helen P from I Want a Book Deal hopes it’s not for nought
• Melanie from tales from the crib talk to her kids about "when I grow up..."
• Michelle from Honest & Truly! examines childhood scars
• Julie from Just Precious thinks about honor and family
• Jill from Musings from Me on Kids, Preteens, and Teens reads the line "one less mouth to feed"
• Lisa from blog on the wall is in awe of this little girl
• Torie from Manhattan:  For Better or Worse is thinking independently
• Michelle from Wife and Mommy asks how old were you?
• Nicole from Not Just a Working Mom "confesses" that she was married and divorced
• Janelle from Mama Daisy is looking through a mommy lens
• Zoeyjane from Raising Zoeyjane has a disclosure: how much is too much?
• Linsey from Me Too You examines her other mother fantasies

DC Metro Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please leave a comment here join in the discussion.

Past SV Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• The Body Scoop for Girls by Dr. Jennifer Ashton
• Just Let Me Lie Down by Kristin van Ogtrop, Editor of REAL SIMPLE magazine
• National Geographic's Green Guide Families by Catherine Zandonella
• Top 100 Finger Foods and Top 100 Baby Purees by Annabel Karmel
• The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman
• The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex by Kristen Chase
• Coco Chanel & Igr Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh
• See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
• Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the SV Moms Group Book Club.

Summer is my season to shine.

It is approaching the end of the school year- and I am thrilled. JUST THRILLED. Since I am a S.W.A.T. (smart women with available time) or SAHM if you prefer, summer is really the season I get to shine. I plan all kinds of field trips for the three of us: Griffith Observatory, MOCA, and the beach. I plan play dates and squirt gun parties. I pass out lots of Popsicles and cookies. We make and edit movies just for fun. We do all kinds of clay projects. We paint and draw. And we frequently do a wood working project (last summer was a catapult I built with the boys). I get enthusiastic about collecting bugs and making makeshift habitats for them in shoe boxes. We swim at Grandma’s house for as long as we want and that is usually till sunset.

Basically we hang out together. And I love it. No stress. No worries….and all fun. I never have to hear myself say things like “NO you can’t ride your skateboard you have homework!” or “NO you can not stay up to watch that- it is a school night”….nope I just get to hear myself say “YES-Sure we can all sleep in the family room and rent lots of movies to watch”, or even “YES, I will let you put whip cream on your waffles”. Of course it is a bit harder to get anything done around the house (cleaning when the boys are home is like walking UP a DOWN escalator)…and sometimes I yearn for the ability to go grocery shopping without having to say to explain the nutritional differences between apple candy and a real apple. But in general- I love summer with my kids. I love the luxury of just BEING with them. I want to soak them all up. I want to savor all of this time together- because whether I like it or not (and I do not like it) they are growing up and growing away. Before long I will be out of a job. And someday summer will come- and I will be able to think back on all these wonderful wacky summers we have together- and I will have lots of great memories to make me smile.

Feel free to drop by Marcy's place at The Glamorous Life Association to follow all her fun and failures this summer. Plenty of popsicles to go around!

This is an original OC MOMS BLOG post.

The house is clean but my conscience isn't

I’m sitting in a clean house. Not just tidy. Not wiped down. Full on scrubbed-floor-to-ceiling - CLEAN! Am I exhausted and worn out from 6 hours of nitty gritty work? NOPE! I was enjoying a picnic at the park with the kiddos. When I came home my house was sparkly with a lemon fresh scent. Lacking the magic to wiggle my nose and start washcloths and Comet scrubbing, I had pulled out my checkbook and called a housekeeper. 

I broached the “housekeeper” topic with my husband after a long day of cleaning. I had done a complete scrub-down of all the bathrooms and the kitchen, only to have the kiddos tear apart their room, the living room and dining room. Talk about counterproductive! Not to mention dinner was In-N-Out again (yummy!) and the kiddos were given raisins and M&Ms for lunch. I was about 30 weeks pregnant at the time, meaning, bending over and standing up were quickly becoming daunting tasks of their own! Wisely, he OK-ed a housekeeper once a month and subsequently never looked more attractive to me! Now, at 36 weeks along (and counting) I’m hoping we can continue the housekeeper for a few months after the baby.

So why do I feel guilty?? Having a housekeeper once a month is only 12 days out of 365 I have help, my belly hinders every movement (including breathing), I have a preschooler and toddler who require my attention, I run my own business, it’s not that pricey and having the house cleaned really saves me hours of time. Plus cleaning totally sucks!