Ohio Moms Blog

What me, crunchy?

The other day while my kids planted the vegetables we had grown from organic, heirloom seeds, and I nursed my home birthed, cloth diapered baby, I had the thought, “Am I a crunchy mama?”

My first thought was, “Nah, no way, not me! I shave my armpits (in the summer, anyway) for crying out loud. And I bathe regularly (albeit with local, handmade soap). And I don’t have white girl dreadlocks, just curly tangles tucked in my college alumni baseball cap.”

I took a sip of my home brewed sun tea, wondering if I had taken my daily encapsulated placenta pill or not. The cloth diapers were drying on the clothesline and I technically wasn’t wearing a bra (disclaimer: I had on a tank top with one of those built in bra deals and hey, it was a Saturday.).

Crimeny Jane…Could I be crunchy? What is the definition of crunchy? If I am crunchy, is that so bad?

Why is "poopy" so popular?

I’ll be the first to admit that poopy is a funny word. It is a fun word to say, and I am certain I have said it more than I can count on my fingers and toes. There are websites dedicated to poopy humor and just about everyone I know giggles if the word poopy is used as an adjective, a verb, a noun, or as an expletive. Poopy has also become my 4 year old’s favorite word. Noone is safe from poopy in my house.

 My daughter has a terrific vocabulary for a 4 year old. She uses words such as octagon, obnoxious, fantastic, and now - poopy. Seems as if my son has a poopy foot, I have poopy hair, and my daughter’s dresses are now poopy dresses. What does that even mean? Whatever it means it is certainly funny, because every time my girl uses the word she giggles as if I am tickling her with a thousand feathers. She makes up songs with poopy too. The latest is sung to the melody of Mary Had Little Lamb and goes a little like this: “Loki (our dog) has a poopy butt, poopy butt, poopy butt. Loki has a poopy butt and it needs a diaper.” Proceeded by rolling on the floor with laughter. Her little brother was enlightened to the fact that there are not only cars on the road, but poopy cars. Again, what does that even mean?

Come Back, Dave Chappelle! America Needs You

Dear Dave Chappelle,

I know you needed some time off after your whole Chappelle's Show/Comedy Central breakdown thing a few years ago. When you suddenly abandoned your own show and dropped off the face of the earth, I was stunned and disappointed – but I understood. You’re a comedy genius. You burned your brilliant candle of comedy at both ends, and required some “me time” to regain your sanity. That’s cool.

But what the hell? It’s been like five years now. What have you been doing? I have this image of you, sitting around your farmhouse in Yellow Springs, Ohio, just smoking pot and playing video games day after day. Ignoring your calling as the funniest man in America – nay, the world. I bet you get like a hundred calls and emails a day, all kinds of agents, vice presidents, whoever, offering you ridiculously awesome deals to get you back in the game. You probably just ignore them, delete them, retreating back into your little world.

This has got to stop.

Dave, I’m sure you don’t need the money. That Comedy Central deal filled your bank account with plenty of dough to live on for years to come.

Oh, Ramen Again...

“Oh, make sure you don't use the debit card for anything...”

“Um, what about food?”

“No, just wait.”

“What about the birthday money that Nora gave you to deposit to buy her doll from e-bay?”

“Yeah, just let me know before you process that payment...”

Grrr...

This is what owning a small business and working for yourself looks like.  It looks like rummaging around the refrigerator and the pantry to find a can a beans, a can of tomatoes and some baby carrots to make... CHILI!  Or looking around the floor of the car, beneath the couch cushions, and sometimes your kid's wallet to find... BUS FARE!

Do Germs Always Come with Indoor Play Areas?

Columbus, Ohio is truly dreadful at this moment in time with all the melting snow and icicles waiting to impale my children or my dogs. I could tolerate the snow more if there was sun, and if I knew that every time I took my children to a public play area they wouldn’t get sick. I carry the mommy pouch full of Clean Well spray and wipes, Purell, and the like, but nothing really helps keep the germs away as well as just staying home…but, that is impossible because I am not willing to go insane or gain twenty-five pounds from continuous baking. So, indoor play areas at the malls, COSI, Kingdom of Bounce, and other places will come to my family’s aid for some out-of-the-house fun.

There are plenty of free and cost options for indoor play in Columbus, and they are fun for the kids. The kids get to do the things they don’t get to do indoor at home: run, scream, ride on toys, meet new friends, and get a change of scenery. With that, they also bring home the latest germy gunk that is out there. As I keep a keen eye on my children, I watch other little cuties at play. Many of them are picking their noses, sneezing without covering their mouths, eating their boogers, wiping their boogers on their clothing or the nearest thing, coughing on each other, having a regular ol’ germ-filled good time. I know they can’t help it, and I am not judging them for sharing their mucus with everyone because I know they are simply kids; but, I can’t help thinking that kid’s booger was my ticket to another puke-filled night.

Saying No

I can't say no.  I try.

“Nnnnnnn...”

It just won't come out.

“Mom, I know you're allergic to all things with fur, but can we take in this SECOND stray cat?”

“Nnnnnnn... Nnnnnnaaaaa...”

Or, “I know I already have a pet rat, but we were just at the pet store, and they have a dumbo rat. A DUMMMBO rat!!! Mommmmmm, pleeeeeeease?”

“Nuh... Nnnnnnrrrr...”

And then there's, “Sharon, I know you're already a member of a gazillion organizations, but you should really join this one too because it only involves one thousand pounds of more work!”

“Nahwahhhhh!”

So I sneeze, go without sleep, stress (as a verb), cry, and drink (sometimes before noon).