I was talking at a table of successful women about balancing
life with little ones. Strategies were
exchanged for working at home - be it house work, remodeling projects or a
paying gig. Tips for finding time for a
haircut, grocery trip, or possibly even a bathroom break without kids were
traded. Then the conversation turned to the various intrusive comments mothers of young children always
seem to elicit, “Are you staying at home, then, now that you have kids?” or “I
don’t know how you could possibly leave those sweet little faces, even for a
second!” and even, “So now that you have one of each, you’re done, right?”
What is it about a woman with young children that compels a
stranger to offer up personal questions or solicit unwanted advice? Is it the slightly dazed look that we
sometimes posses due to lack of sleep or a harried schedule? I don’t think I’ve ever heard a man be asked
if he’s going to stay home after he has a baby.
So why ask us – don’t we look like we have enough on our minds? At least at our table we were easily able to
agree – there are few easy decisions when it comes to parenting and family
life, but we’d rather make them ourselves than depend on the opinions and
advice of strangers to guide us!
A woman’s choice to work is personal and rarely ever hers
alone. Generally it is a family decision
based on many factors that aren’t anyone else’s business. Now that I’m unemployed (thanks to this
fantastic Ohio economy we’re
trying hard to resuscitate) everyone things he has a say in my future career
goals. “You’re going to stay home, and
let that master’s degree go to waste?!” “You’re
going back to work, and let someone else raise those little girls?!” I’ve heard it all in the past four
months. I am tired of feeling the need to defend my
position, partly because I’m torn, and I know there is no “right” answer. I will heartily admit that in hindsight our
plant closure was a blessing to me – I’m very glad to be home with my girls at
the moment, and to have a chance to decide (again) what I want to do when I
grow up.
Knowing the intrusive comments are coming, I’ve assumed an
offensive position – I have a set reply that is firm and not particularly
informative, and I rattle it off without much thought and with a direct look. No fear, no hesitation, no indication that I’m
still torn about my direction and I likely always will be. I may not be any less opinionated after this
experience, but I am much more likely to keep my opinions to myself – unless someone
asks me about them, that is.
This is an original post for the Ohio Moms Blog.
Steph writes about her problem solvin' approach to parenting and life at Problem Solvin Mom and can be found on twitter as @psmom
