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Picture Perfect


I'm not sure where it comes from, or if I'm 100% sure I should even claim the title. I'm a perfectionist, to an extent, if that makes sense. It started when I become a mother. Or maybe it started when I found out I was pregnant. Or maybe it started when I decided it was time to start trying for a baby. Or maybe...

Every year is the same. I have in my head what the special day, holiday, or birthday will or should be like, and every year something goes wrong. Every year something happens that makes my little picture perfect moment in my head go "poof" and I'm left sulking.

Here I am a week away from throwing my two boys their combined birthday party, at our home, for the first time. Not only am I making decorations, cupcakes, some food, drinks, but I am sewing curtains, painting walls, re-arranging furniture, cleaning, and organizing. Why? First, I'm insane and second, not only do I want a great party, I want my house to be a hit too. I want a perfect 1st combined birthday party to remember forever. 

Sadly my focus is wrong, I know. I keep telling myself this is for the boys. No one cares about the wall color or how clean the wood floors are. They will be there for the boys, to celebrate the boys. Yet still I frantically run around the house crossing more things of the to-do-list. And all because I have some silly vision in my head on how the party and house should be.

This past holiday was no different. I pictured how Christmas Eve and Day would be spent. Sure it was something out of a Hallmark movie, but whatever. And though it was a wonderful holiday, things went wrong. Kids got cranky, bad pictures were taken, pants were peed in, one kid threw up, both missed multiple naps resulting in meltdown after meltdown. And the list goes on.

I thought that after I became a mother of two that I'd become more laid back, and I am, yet not so willingly. A fault that is still driving my husband nuts. I was hoping as my children grew I'd become more relaxed about the little things. Maybe there is still some hope for me yet.

And why put so much pressure on myself to have every little and big event be so perfect? This I don't know. You'd think that after 4 years of doing this whole parenting thing I'd just give up and go with the flow. I can't help but wonder, am I the only mother out here who experiences this? Am I the only one who puts pressure on herself to have everything "just-so"? Am I the only one who needs to chill?

Please tell me I'm not alone, as I sit in a corner and repeat over and over my new mantra, "Just relax, it will be fine. Just relax, it will be fine."

Randi also writes about her perfect and not-so-perfect moments at My Moments As Told By Me