NYC Moms

Overheard by a Cougar

I know I shouldn't eavesdrop, but sometimes, when you're at the gym and you don't feel like watching Regis & Kelly banter about what they did last night, it's way more fun to plug your headphones into your iPhone and then pretend to listen to music while you're actually listening in on a conversation between two great-looking chauvinist guys who are trading dating stories on the elliptical.

Now don't get me wrong - I don't eavesdrop all the time - it's just that when I step aboard a machine and notice that the convo next to me is offensive and interesting at the same time, I just can't help myself.  And so, there I was, bright and early in my usual garb - gray sweats, light blue t-shirt, workout shoes that allegedly tone my butt and my trusty iPhone and as I slowly increased my resistance levels, I heard these two guys talking about women.  But what was really interesting to me was how they were talking about them.  You see, they must have been in their late 20's or early 30's and as I listened in, they talked about dating, lonely Cougars, crazy singles in their twenties and who they prefer to have sex with (okay - now wouldn't you listen in too???). 

Soda Tax: Are You Kidding Me?

In an effort to reduce childhood obesity or just make some extra cash for the city and state of New York, Mayor Bloomberg and Governor Paterson are convinced that a soda tax will convince consumers with a weight problem to think twice when they buy a can of Coke.

This new tax proposal makes me question their true intentions.  When they sat around the table brainstorming ideas about how they could bring in more money and make it seem like they were doing us all a favor, did they ever stop and think that when you tax a product made by a beverage company, that the brand could potentially lose lots of money, thereby having to downsize its workforce and lay off employees?  

Do lawmakers honestly believe that by taxing sugary soft drinks, overweight New Yorkers will finally kick their soda habit and start drinking water by the gallon?  If this is truly a tax to fight childhood obesity, how about taxing movie theaters that insist on charging you ridiculous amounts of money for a small soda and popcorn but then give you a special deal for a monster sized cup filled with a sugary drink and a tub of popcorn that's a bazillion calories?

Beware of Kids Bearing Germs

I'm convinced the genesis of the cold I've been fighting off for weeks was first caused by a baby.  Now I know, as a mother, I should just accept the fact that little creatures carry tons of germs, but you see, the weekend I bounced my friend's 18 month old on my lap to keep him from crying, I didn't think much about the consequences.  That is, until my throat started hurting.

You see, I was set to perform in a show that week and had masterfully pulled off the impossible. I  had not caught one cold the entire fall and winter season.  My own kids had been armed with industrial strength sanitizer and so it seemed we were all impervious to viruses.  And then we hung around a baby with green gook dripping from his nose.   About three hours into our visit and after he sneezed about a dozen times, it hit me that I might want to take precautions against this tiny germ spreader, but at that point, it was useless.  I had been exposed to some sort of cold virus and there was no escaping it...but I was going to fight like hell to keep it out of my system.

The next morning, when it felt as if I had swallowed razor blades, I did what any hysterical person who had a show in five days would do.  I hit google and entered:  How do you cure a sore throat?  In less than 1 second, I had my answers.  

Mean Girls

I never thought it would happen to my child.  The well-adjusted, independent, friendly, good natured kid who seemed to be friends with everyone.  If someone had a birthday party, she was always on the invite list. And her own parties - well, we used to have over 30 screaming girls in our house at one time and while we were completely frazzled by the experience, we were happy they all seemed to get along.  "Seemed" being the operative word.

But now she's in the fifth grade.  The same year my self esteem took a tremendous blow when I was taunted by the girls and ridiculed by the boys because I was more than 30 pounds overweight.  I thought since my daughter didn't have a weight problem, she'd never have to endure what I went through when I was her age. But I was wrong.  It doesn't matter the decade, it doesn't matter the cause, mean girls last a lifetime.

It first started happening a few years back when she wasn't accepted into a gifted program at our local elementary school.  Even though she missed the cut-off by one point, she handled the news like a trooper and soared academically.  But her friendships faltered.  The girls who had made that program and had been her friends for years, suddenly stopped making play dates with her.  When she started to talk to one of the girls in their "clique" they'd pull her own friends away and tell them not to hang out with her. And then the worse offense of all. She stopped getting invited to their birthday parties.

Mommy...Stop Blogging About Me!!!

I can't pinpoint the day it happened, but I have been given a directive from my 10 year old to refrain from sharing stories about her on my personal blog.  In fact, two days before school started this year, she accidentally poked herself in the eye with a hanger, her eye started bleeding and she frantically screamed for me while simultaneously begging us to call 911.  Luckily for us, our good friend is an optometrist and he managed to exam her on the spot and she thankfully did not cause serious injury to her eye.  As I thought about how I was going to share the play by play of her little mishap with my readers, she pointed at me and said - "Mommy - you are not allowed to write about this on your blog."

So technically, even though I'm sharing this unfortunate story with you, since it's not actually residing on my personal blog, I figure I've found a loophole in the system.  I mean, how could I not share the fact that my own daughter experienced a "Mommy Dearest" moment and purged her entire closet of wire hangers after the infamous eye incident.  I mean that scene alone is classic fodder for a blog. 

What concerns me now is that while I've found great joy over the years sharing the funniest moments from my family's life on my blog, I'm suddenly being policed - by my daughter, my son - who actually demands cash when I ask him to give his insights on his favorite Nintendo game to hit stores and even my husband, who has pretty much warned me not to write about anything that goes on in our household (like the fact that we just ran out of toilet paper and he's going to have to use paper towels until I get my butt over to Stop and Shop).  Oh, and I can't share any embarrassing stories about cheating neighbors, annoying friends or my in-laws. So let's see.  I can't write about my kids, my husband, extended family and our good friends. It's a good thing I'm not Dooce, because without good material from my family, I'm going to have to try my hand at fiction.

This Flu Shall Pass

It's funny. I just got through telling my friends how I managed to stay cold and flu free this season and then BAM! I get walloped by some weird laryngitis/cough thing that's been lingering since I caught it about a week and a half ago. I even took my own daughter to the pediatrician because we were worried she had strep (no worries, just a cold) and as I hacked up a lung in the office, my kids' jovial doctor looked at me and said "Maybe you should see a doctor and check that out. You shouldn't take a chance with respiratory ailments."

And that's when I decided there's something seriously wrong with pediatricians. If you're a busy mom who is carting your kids to the doctor because you're afraid they may have contracted swine flu and you happen to be sporting a nasty cough as well, would it kill the pediatrician to check you out too? Does that violate some code of ethics or something? Because all I know is that the last thing I want to do tomorrow is make an appointment with the glitzy Upper East Side doctor factory that I'm forced to visit when I suspect I'm suffering from a pandemic only to find that I've got nothing more than a chest cold.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Back during the presidential campaign, I blogged from time to time about my political views.  While most of my posts were pretty tongue in cheek, I was pretty much lambasted by die-hard Republicans who couldn't believe that I was taking pot shots at Sarah Palin and John McCain.  I even stopped writing about politics all together because I didn't care for all the negative comments - although people tell me that when people start saying nasty things about you after you've posted a blog, you've finally hit the big time.  

Anyway, it's now March and we're two months and change into the new administration and so far, our economy hasn't rebounded, the unemployment rate is continuing to soar and every time I watch a business show on TV (it's not often, but when I do), there usually are several old man and one attractive woman lambasting President Obama and his current plans to fix our crumbling economy. 

While I usually ignore all those grumpy old men (and that one babe), change the channel and flip on iCarly, my husband watches these shows religiously and even listens to them on the radio.  He turns on the Bloomberg Channel every morning, reads the Wall Street Journal and monitors our falling stocks throughout the day.  Except for a random sports report, it's all business news, all the time.  He's a Republican through and through and is ready to go toe to toe with anyone who says that President Obama knows just what he's doing as he attempts to solve our economic woes.

The Phony Phone Call

I was pranked for the second time today by a nine year old.  The first incident took place yesterday while I was attempting to seal the deal on a new car that wasn't and today, while escorting my daughter to the bathroom at Lord & Taylor because she decided to pull her molar out of her mouth while we were waiting on line to pay for an overpriced shirt that she needed for a music concert, my cell phone began ringing incessantly in my purse.

"Hello?" I asked while listening to the voice of a child who was clearly fumbling for something to say.
"Hello," I blurted again, sounding more annoyed as my daughter dabbed her bloody gums with a paper towel.
"Is this the Dairy Mart," replied the voice on the other line.
"Listen kid, if you call my phone again, I will call the cops on you."
Click.

Tales of a Fourth Grade Something

As part of national education awareness week, the parents in our neighborhood were invited to observe our kids' classes. My son's first grade visit was a cinch - I popped by during a Thanksgiving brunch and shot the breeze with several moms and dads who broke away from work and errands to spend some time with their kids, who were busy devouring corn muffins, cookies and turkey bacon (holy cholesterol).

The following morning, I was instructed by my daughter that I had better visit her class or a major guilt trip would follow. You see, I was supposed to stop by two days earlier but forgot to read the memo and so, there I was strolling into her reading class on a Thursday morning and I was the only mom representative there.

After I stole a furtive glance at my Blackberry and then officially powered it down, I noticed you could literally hear a pin drop in the room. And as I watched my daughter's teacher in action, I had a flashback to my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Saul. Both women seemed to have one thing in common - they were both tough as nails.

Clothes Don't Make the Candidate

The latest earth shattering politicial news that hit the airwaves this past week was that Sarah Palin's wardrobe cost nearly $150,000 and was financed by the Republican campaign. While I was shocked that the McCain/Palin PR team decided to spend someone's annual salary on some really cute red suits, I began to wonder why appearance is so important to voters.

While I have seen her wear a couple of fleece sweatshirts in a few photo-ops, I highly doubt that the old Sarah Palin would have been cruising the campaign trail in overalls and plaid shirts. I mean, she probably does have some nice suits in her closet and if it were me (not that it ever would be, but if it were), I would have been able to purchase an entire season of clothes from Ann Taylor, Lord & Taylor and Loehmann's and it would probably cost less than $3000.