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July 22, 2008

More?

6 What to do? How to choose?  A third?  Even a fourth?  I’m too old for that I suppose.  They grow lanky now my little ones and only need help with homework.  They tell jokes - real jokes and have amazing stories of days all their own with me visible only at the beginning and the end.  There is much to love in this new realm- many new bits to enjoy.  Listening to my daughter recount her sleepover adventures at a friend's house.  High-fiving my boy when he successfully sounds out "almanac".  We share new books before bed now - more complex stories - making our way toward reading the classics together. 

Still those baby days hang both fresh in my mind and lost over eons of growth.  I remember the Pampers smell but can no longer conjure it at will.  Baby talk and tiny hands.  Round bellies and kissably soft necks.  Baby food airplanes and potty chairs.  I miss it.  I loved it.  Does that mean I should go back or simply live with the sweet sorrow of its departure?  And if I did, would there be enough of me for number three?  Would s/he be stuck in a bouncy seat, pacifier in mouth, watching our crazed family rush by like the cars on the West Side Hwy?  Eagerly waiting to engage whenever the walk light illums “safe crossing”?

Three's the new two they say but for who? All the clipart "family" photos I searched for this post show neat little families of four. And four is neat. Table for four, one parent for each child, one hand for each child when crossing the street. A regular car easily holds four people - no minivan required.

A friend, a mother of three - two older, the third just eighteen months - told me a nanny commended her for having three. 'You have given your children a gift,' she said. Only one of my kids even thinks it's a good idea. And I watch the daughter in this family, she seems mildly annoyed by her younger sibling all the time.

My little brother arrived when I was six, my older brother eight - we adored him, still do. And what about our little intimacy? Our small family? Would we make room, could we? Yes, of course. But are we willing?

So is this it?  Live with 'what if' or 'oh my'?

An original post to NYC moms blog.

Jessica Ciosek is a freelance writer living with her husband and two children in New York City.
Jessica also blogs at parentalapproval.blogspot.com and thismomrocksit.blogspot.com.

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