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August 05, 2008

If I Only Knew

One Summer is winding down, and so too is the last weeks of summer camp for my son.  But this year is different, because this summer is the last summer of my son being a little boy.

He starts Kindergarten next month.  My baby is a big boy now.

As a mother, we all know how fast time accelerates.  One day we are knee-deep in diapers, praying for the day potty training is behind us.  Or we wonder if our babies will EVER give up that sippy cup or their treasured blanket.  We clap with glee when they transition to a big boy/big girl bed.  We marvel when they dress themselves (alone) for the first time.

And in an instant a young boy or girl emerges.  With personality and independence, they start to make their way on their own.

The mark of elementary school is a big milestone for all moms and dads, but is especially poignant for me.

Because my son could be my last baby I'll ever wave goodbye to on his first day of school.

I am a parent of one child, but not by choice.

My husband and I have been challenged with secondary infertility.

We once thought we would have 2 or even 3 children, but after nearly four years of infertility treatment and countless losses, we are coming to the realization that our son may be our one and only.

I could kick myself for rushing through those early years.  Assuming I'd get to do it again.  Assuming I'd get to perfect my potty training technique or take more photos in those first couple years.  Assuming I'd have the opportunity to re-use some of the clothes my son never wore because he grew out of them so fast.  Assuming I always had more time.

I raced through so many moments, when I should have lingered and counted my blessings.  It's funny how easy it is to gloss over the little things when you think you have so many more coming.

Moms... cherish the moments.

Record the milestones...

Don't miss a thing... because you never know if you'll ever have the chance to do it again.

I'll be just another Mom shedding a tear on that first day the school bus turns the corner, but in reality I'll also be crying for the opportunity I may never have again.

If I only knew...

Original post by Shelli to New Jersey Moms Blog..... Shelli also blogs about parenting, infertility, and loss at http://www.bagmomma.net/


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