LA Moms Blog

For Sale: Michael Jackson

The first thing I do every morning (because I'm addicted like that) is check my Blackberry.  Today I woke up to the following message from a friend:

"A few minutes ago, I received a voucher with a Ticketmaster barcode good for 2 tickets to the Michael Jackson Memorial at the Staples Center/Nokia Theatre in Downtown Los Angeles, CA, USA. Like many of you, I gush when I think about what Michael Jackson contributed to my world of music and dance, as well as to global popular culture. However, after seeing what Memorial tickets are selling for on Ebay, I cannot in good conscience attend the Memorial. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to provide a little more to my family financially, and have always wanted to make a slightly more substantive donation to a worthy cause."

My half-asleep self thought, "Aww, that's so sweet of him to give me his tickets! Too bad I'm out of town." 

However the haze of post Fourth of July partying quickly cleared as I scrolled and read, "Only bid if you are able to produce a Money Order, a Cashier's Check, or a Check Verified by an Overdraft Line of Credit, for the full amount."

Oh really now? 

Seriously, why not just go to the memorial and enjoy it?

It's Election Day in California. Have You Voted?

I just got back from my local polling place where I was happy to vote today's special election.  But other than me and seven poll workers, it was totally empty in there.

I was hoping it was a fluke, that maybe there had just been a mad rush right before I got there.  But just to be sure, I asked one of the poll workers how many other people had been in to vote.

"You're our FOURTH voter of the day."

I knew turnout for this election wouldn't be as high as last November's Presidential elections, but that turnout is beyond bad.  Only four other people? 

Seriously, Los Angeles?

A Black President For My Black Sons

Today, my two sons perfect attendance records are gonna have to be destroyed.  I want those two black boys home to witness a black man, Barack Obama, getting sworn in as the President of the United States. 

Only a year ago, my seven year-old son told me he wanted to be a snake so he could shed his skin and turn white. 

But the day after Election Day, while walking in the Trader Joe's parking lot, the same boy said, "I feel really good about being black today, mom."

How does a mother not cry when their black male child, born and raised in the United States of America says that? But I only replied, "You do? Why?"

He was so matter of fact, holding my hand as we approached our car. "I never thought there'd be a black president, mommy. I think it's SO cool!"

Since then, he hasn't been able to contain his excitement.  He's been marking X's on a calendar, waiting for the day he can say President Obama.  I've been waiting too.

Dear Santa: I Can't Stand You!

It's mere hours before Christmas and my two sons have decided to write letters to Santa.  Their letters go something like this:

Dear Santa,

We want a gazillion overpriced toys that we won't play with (or will break) within two months.  We also want a hamster to replace the two that have died this year, and we want Rubik's Cubes.

Sincerely,
Two Very Hopeful Boys 

Meanwhile, I feel like the Grinch that's once again about to burst their fantasy Christmas bubble because, ahem, we're not Christian.

I'm The Fat Mom

My son got into huge argument at school today with his now formerly best friend.  I wasn't surprised because this friendship has totally been on the rocks for a couple of weeks due to this girl harassing him about whether or not they were more than "just friends".  She wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend.  He, thank goodness, did not.  After all they're only in second grade!

Anyway, he didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her he doesn't like her like that.  So, I advised him to just blame me for his not wanting to be her boyfriend.  I said he should tell her he's not allowed to have a girlfriend till he's 27 and out of grad school.

He did that and clearly she's a woman little girl scorned because today at recess she yelled at him in front of everybody, "Your room is messy and your mom is FAT.

Get Your Drill On: The Great Southern California ShakeOut

My very first Los Angeles earthquake found me dozing on the living room couch on a lazy Sunday afternoon. When the shaking began, this Midwestern girl had no idea what I should be doing to protect myself.  I sort of ran around in circles, screaming, "Oh my gawd!  It's an earthquake!"

The shaking lasted about a minute and it was certainly not the mythical Big One that could cause all of Los Angeles to break off into the Pacific Ocean.  Fast forward ten years and I'm still not far removed from running around the room wondering what to do. Sure I have a little disaster kit with some packaged food and I keep a case of water handy, but what would I really do if the San Andreas just completely went bananas and the Big One hit?  Could my family survive for a few days without being able to drive to Vons? 

Thank goodness I found out about the Great Southern California ShakeOut so my family can learn a thing or two about how to survive! The Shake Out is the largest earthquake drill in U.S. history.  On November 13th at 10 a.m., millions of us from Southern California's eight counties will drop to the ground, take cover under a table or desk (not run in circles) and hold on, just like if it was the Big One.

Dressing Up As Dracula for Halloween

It’s only two weeks till Halloween and my seven year-old son doesn’t have a costume yet. I should know better than to wait this long to get his costume. I really should. After all, in previous years, I’ve been that miserable parent who’s in Target on October 30th, frantically digging through the remnants of mermaid and race car driver outfits, saying, “I know it’s not Batman, but this one isn’t that bad, honey.”

However, this lack of a Halloween outfit isn’t totally my fault because my son has changed costume ideas a million times. He’s wanted to be everything from Prince Caspian (cool sword but too expensive) to Indiana Jones (awesome whip but that’s his little brother’s costume).  Now he suddenly wants to be everybody’s favorite fanged crusader, Dracula.

Lately he's been reminiscing about the time he saw ten minutes of The Lost Boys at his Aunty Kye's house.  But, I’m not so sure how I feel about this Dracula choice because every year I’ve had a rule: No dressing up as evil characters on Halloween.

I developed a strong dislike of kids dressing up as evil characters back when I was a teacher. My 3^rd graders would go on and on about how they were dressing up as that awful “Scream” character. Quite frankly, I’m sick of seeing little kids running down the street in that stupid ghost-faced mask, holding a bloody machete in one hand and a chainsaw in the other. I was in Walgreens last Sunday and they even had “Blood Dripping Masks” on sale. What does a parent say to that sort of costume? "Oh honey, let me snap a picture because that dripping blood is simply adorable!"

The Sex Talk

I know the world is imploding politically and financially, but let's talk about something that's really important:  Sex. 

You see, my seven year-old second grader brought home a book from his school library called "Black Widow Spider - Danger!"  He starts reading it to me and I'm enjoying hearing how black widows are poisonous, how they spin webs, you know, basic black widow stuff.  But with one turn of a page things took a majorly kinky turn:

"The small male walked carefully into her nest.  He approached her slowly and reached out with his long legs to tap her and stroke her.  She accepted him quietly.  Soon he moved around her, rapidly spreading a thin covering of silk over her.  They stayed together for two hours.  After they mated, he left quickly!"

No kidding, I half expected the spider version of "Let's Get It On" to start playing!  Before I could pick my jaw off the floor, my son started giggling, and asked, "Mommy, um, what are the spiders doing?" 

I couldn't believe it.  I was gonna have to have to talk to my kid about sex because of some soft-core spider erotica!  OH NOES!