LA Moms Blog

Change

Change is coming in the form of no more LA Moms Blog. Today will be the last posting. It's sad to see it go, but I'm hopeful there will be something new and equally fun to takes it's place in my life. One of the things you learn, being a mother, is to accept change as gracefully as possible.

Pretty much from the moment you realize you're pregnant you have to accept that your body is changing, and for many of us will never be the same again. Droopy boobs and ponchy bellies are no ones idea of a good time but it's a trade we make for a family. It's a good trade.

Happily Married?

I love my husband, but I can not in good faith call us happily married. Most day annoyingly married, frustratedly married, even tiresomely married, would be a better description. We do not walk around beaming at one another all day. When we get to take a vacation with our friends we're happy to get away. What I mean to say is I have lived with my husband for a solid 13 years and it's rough, not easy.

Living with anyone no matter how much you love them is challenging. Marriage is just that. You are in each other space every day. You have to consider the other person in all your choices, from dinner to well everything. It is difficult, and trying but you do it cause you married them and that's what you signed up for.

I think it's kind of ridiculous when people think they should be "keeping the romance alive" after a decade together. I have a lot of fun with my husband both behind closed doors and just spending time together. But if you think you can keep things the way they were the first year you were together, you're kidding yourself. And frankly who would want to.

Six Sucks

I remember the terrible twos. I expected them, I had been told by other mothers what to prepare for. When the threes and fours were challenging I had been warned. Five seemed to be calming down. My child could be reasoned with, explained to. I thought there was going to be peace in my time, at least until the teen years. That is until six darkened my door step.

My daughter isn't even officially six yet. She won't be until the end of the month, but for the last month or so she has developed some new behavior. Some alarmingly adolescentesque behaviors. I had no idea it was coming and I have to say it took me by surprise.

My First Summer Vacation

As June approaches I realize that my daughter's Kindergarten does not go year round. Every other summer of her life she has been in preschool that went through summer. So, this year I need to make another plan for June through September.

Part of me wants to just let my daughter stay home, sleep in, play with her friends, and generally loaf around. But, then the other part of me knows that I need to keep working through the summer, and I will lose what little sanity I have if she doesn't have some outside activities.

All of which means I need to start looking at summer camps. Which is like trying to find the right school for your kid all over again. First you have to figure out what kind of camp your kid will like. For example, my daughter will have NOTHING to do with team sports. Which clears about half the possible camps off my list. Then you have to wade through all the art, animal, beach, etc camps.

Fast Food VS. Slow Food

Have you been getting the not so subtle message that it is no longer ok to pull a box out of your freezer, throw it in the microwave and call it dinner? Between Food Inc, Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, and the entire Slow Food Movement I think I've been cured of the TV Dinners. Not to mention McDonald's, and all it's brethren.

It's not just dinner either, it's the Lunchable, and the frozen breakfast sandwiches and all the snack food our kids see between cartoons. I won't even start in on the school lunch program. The whole advertising world is insisting that we all take it easy and eat these prepackaged foods that will save us so much time, and money, and it is tempting.

Until you look around and realize that all this convenience is costing us a huge inconvenience. Aside from the obesity, there's the diabetes, and the heart disease just to start. I mean nothing eats  (pardon the pun) up your day like a coronary. So I have changed my families menu and, well, their adjusting.

What's Your Child Wearing?

I’ve  been cringing as my daughter has made a stand about her wardrobe.  She is adamant, that she will be picking her clothes from here on out. There is room for some negotiation, as far as weather and dressiness level, but she has final call on outfits. Which means she goes out A LOT looking other than I would choose. This morning for example, when she headed off to school in black and white stripped leggings, a floral skirt, and a different floral shirt.

What won her argument in the wardrobe wars, was when she told me she was embarrassed by the other clothes. I realized then that she was spending at least some part of her day feeling her appearance wasn’t showing who she was. I have always felt that it was one of my main jobs, as a mother, to make sure my daughter feels she is an individual, and should always be herself. I made the decision if one of us had to struggle with appearances, it should probably be the 40 year old not the 5 year old.

Learning to Read

I have a little secret. I never liked reading as a child. I don’t think I ever really read a book until I was in high school. When I was assigned book reports in school I would go to the librarian and ask her what the book was about and then base my report on that. I wouldn’t even read the Cliff Notes (that’s what we used before the internet).

When my daughter came along I was worried she would inherit my early dislike of reading. Since she turned 5, almost a year ago, we’ve taken a couple stabs at teaching her to read, to no avail. What she likes is to be read to. Maybe it’s the only child thing. Why do something when you can get your parents to do it for you.

But suddenly last week she came home from school with a picture and across the top she had written/sounded out by herself the story behind the picture. I almost cried as she told me that no one had helped her. Apparently, she has now decided that she is interested in reading and writing. Probably more writing, but you really can’t do one without the other.

The next morning my daughter was reading aloud, the books she usually just flips through while we drive to school. Again I was fighting back tears. Is it possible that MY daughter likes reading. I couldn’t be more grateful to her DNA for leaving me out of this one.

Fight In Front of Your Kids

I use to think it was important for my husband and me to show a united front to our daughter. That was pretty easy to pull off when she was a baby, but now that she’s five it’s a bit challenging at times and frankly I’m not even sure it’s a good idea anymore. What kind of example of a relationship does it set for her?  Does she come to the conclusion that there is no room for individual thought in parenting?

For example, a few weeks ago I watched the movie, Food Inc, and have since decided that our already pretty clean diet needs to get cleaner. Not to point fingers or anything but my husband is the one who brings the partially hydrogenated everything into our home. So I needed to get him on board, which he was open to.  Or I thought he was.

Sunday mornings I go for a walk with a friend and my husband and daughter go out to breakfast. I had asked him to cut fast food restaurants (McDonald, Burger King, Jack in the box, etc…) out of these breakfasts. But the first Sunday of the clean eating, that’s where they had decided to go. So in front of the child we had a rather heated discussion about why it was or was not appropriate.

Peer Pressure

Lifetime sent me a screener of an upcoming movie they have coming out called The Pregnancy Pact. It was kind of like a horror movie for parents. The premise is that when one girl gets pregnant in a group of four high school friends the others all decide to get pregnant too,in solidarity and because it will be cute to all have children in the same class. I hope my daughter grows up to be wiser than that. But I have to acknowledge that peer pressure, or maybe just peer influence is a major issue for all kids.

I've seen peer pressure/influence in action in infants. I think as human beings we see someone else do something and we want to try it too. It's how we learn new things but as children we often do that to our own detriment. Hell, this past weekend I did it. I went to a bar with some friend and ordered an old fashioned, cause it looks cool on Mad Men. Thankful I'm forty, so when I realized it tastes like lighter fuel I sent it back for something more my speed, chardonnay.

Now how do we get our kids to realize when their emulating a behavior that is bad for them. Especially if the behavior is fun, like sex or drugs (not that either of those things are fun kids). Not to mention the cool factor. I don't expect my daughter to be a saint, or even close. But I would like her to know when she's crossing the line from a good time into dangerous territory.

The Perfect Christmas Storm

This Christmas has really been a struggle. I know, every Christmas is a struggle for everyone but this one really has been the perfect storm of Christmas fiascoes. It all started to fall apart about a week ago, which was right when I realized it was getting really close to Christmas.

The first thing that happened was that our credit card was stolen. That is, someone was charging things on it, so it needed to be canceled on Friday the 18th. Canceling the card meant that we would be without credit for four or five days until the new card arrived. Since all our gifts were bought I thought we'd be able to manage without it and canceled it. Not that I had much choice.

With a few minor snafus we made it through the weekend. The dryer started making some really awful sounds Saturday. We knew the machine needed replacing so we were off to Sears. We were in the car before we remembered we had no credit card.  Oh well, it could wait until the following week when the new card came. No problem...Famous last words.