LA Moms Blog

Can This Single Mom Ever Be Normal?

My daughter started summer preschool this week! A huge milestone for her and me, as her mommy. I'm so proud of her for jumping into a new and exciting situation with 3 year old gusto! She did great and no, mommy didn't shed a tear. I've always enjoyed ushering her into each stage of independence throughout her little life and nine child-free hours for me each week ain't nothin' to cry about.

There were, I believe, 12 or 13 three year olds in her classroom on that first day and she was one of only three children who didn't burst into tears and freak out when it came time for the parents to leave. Once again, I was proud. But then something that I wasn't expecting happened...

A Girl And Her Poor Dog

My daughter, Aubrey, is just shy of her third birthday and she's definitely acting like a three year old - defiant, manipulative, temperamental - all that good stuff. Even with that, she's generally a sweet and snuggly girl and very silly. She's a lot of fun most of the time, but the newest trick in her arsenal of three year old behavior is aggressiveness towards the poor dog.

At this point, I should probably mention that our dog is a five pound, chihuahua named Bob Barker. She's the BEST dog on the planet (yes, Bob Barker is a she... it's funny... I'm a comedian) and even I am surprised at how tolerant she has been about all of the poking, prodding, pulling, grabbing, pushing, squishing and on and on on.

But even the best dog has her limits and Bob Barker snaps and growls at Aubrey at least once or twice a day. I used to get on her case about it, but let's face it... she's five pounds of terror. She could really hurt my daughter if she wanted to, but even if she went on an all out, rabid attack, she MIGHT break the skin. I've let the snaps and growls go because, frankly, Aubrey has to learn to be gentle with the dog and no one is communicating this better than the dog, herself. When Aubrey is too rough, Bob Barker tells her and she generally figures out it's time to back down, if only for a minute. Then it's right back to the game. The "How Long Can I Terrorize You Before You Snap At Me Game".

Nostalgic for Right Now

I gave birth seven weeks ago – a beautiful, natural birth, void of epidural and long on mind-bending pain. But I say that in the best way. Being that intimate with the labor and birth experience was a defining moment for me. They say you don’t really know who you are until you face some life-altering challenge –  and truly, I found out who I was in those clarifying moments just hours before my second child was born. My howls felt almost tribal and became part of my meditation through the pain. My husband and doula’s coaching got me through one more excruciatingly (wonderful?) contraction while my OB (yes, the one I confronted only weeks before) cruised into the labor and delivery room just as I eclipsed 8 centimeters.  The whole experience is etched in my memory like it happened just this afternoon.

But as the birth gets farther and farther away and my baby goes from two days to two months old, I find myself nostalgic for things that just days ago I wanted to be done with.

To Play Or Not To Play

Ever take your kid to the park and meet a really cool mom? A mom that makes you think, man, I could really hit it off with this mom! And her kid is the same gender and close in age to mine. Oh cool, she lives right near this park too. She's smart, easy going, non-judgmental, feeding her kid healthy snacks, good sense of humor. I like this mom. She has all the qualities I look for in a mom friend.

Just when you're about to whip out your card or offer to exchange emails and gingerly ask for that first play date, you notice her kid throwing sand in your kid's face. She's eating sand. She's grabbing your kid's toys. When her mom reprimands her, she yells, "NO!!" or ignores her. Anyone? Anyone else meet a mom you liked with a kid you couldn't stand?

The Recall Made Me Recall

Like many parents and caregivers, I read the news of the McNeil product recall, went straight to my medicine cabinet to grab my bottles and checked the NCD numbers against the online list. Sure enough, all three of them were recalled. The McNeil Consumer Healthcare recall includes several common, over-the-counter meds for children including Infants' and Children's Tylenol, Infants' and Children's Mortin, Children's Zyrtec and Children's Benadryl. I had Tylenol and Motrin at my house.

To find out that medicine you paid a lot of money for and put into your child's mouth has been recalled is certainly unsettling and visiting the McNeil product recall website didn't help me feel much better either. The McNeil product recall website states, "Some of the products included in the recall may contain a higher concentration of active ingredient than is specified; others may contain inactive ingredients that may not meet internal testing requirements; and others may contain tiny particles."

Tiny particles?! Of WHAT for Pete's sake? I'm not one to panic nor am I a conspiracy theorist and I know the chances of there being a problem with my specific bottles of medicine are extremely thin, but the recall made me stop to consider why I had purchased the medicine in the first place.

Alone With Strangers... At Last!!

Early childhood is full of so many big milestones. First solids, first tooth, standing, crawling, walking. We're in full blown toddler time, so getting my daughter potty trained was the biggest thing to make the headlines over here recently. As the Target lady rang up those adorable packages of Elmo and Hello Kitty underpants, I didn't think anything could quite top this feeling of motherly accomplishment... until today.

Today, I left my child in the care of a complete stranger for over an hour and she (my child) only cried for about 5-8 minutes. YES! 

This may not seem like a big deal to many parents. Especially if your child has been in daycare or preschool already. My daughter is almost three and has had a one on one nanny, mommy or daddy with her 24/7 since she was born and the only other people who have watched her for an hour or two have been a couple girlfriends of mine whom my daughter knows very well. My kid has never been left alone in a new situation, in a strange place, with a person she didn't know. This was big and I didn't think I was going to get away with it.

Moving Stuff & Other Stuff

Man oh man oh man do I NEVER want to move again. I have moved almost every year (or more) since college and I've had it! There were only a couple years in there, since 1994, that I stayed in one place for over a year.  Every year, I have more stuff too because my career gets a little busier and now I have a kid. Kids require stuff. 

Yesterday, I was reminiscing with my friend about the old days when life was simpler. She remembered the time she and one other person unpacked all her belongings in her new, one bedroom apartment in 90 minutes. I was recalling when everything I owned fit into a Ford Festiva. Yes, I was only 17, but there is so much freedom in not having things.

I've never really been a "stuff" person and if it were just me, I'd be pretty happy in a studio or small one bedroom. Internet connection, somewhere to cook and bake a little, my own bathroom and a small bed are all it takes for me to feel content. I don't collect anything, I'm not a clothes or shoe hound, I don't even like to keep books when I'm done reading them. I LOVE getting rid of stuff and the older I get, the harder a task this has become. Motherhood has certainly taken a toll on my simple living and I yearn for the day when my living room isn't a parking garage for various plastic toys, a midget sized kitchenette and a play tent (aka as "The Circus"). 

I know I should just relax and enjoy having a circus in my living room, because it won't last long. The toddler years really are magical and I'm loving the humor and communication between my almost three year old and me, but I just can't stand the stuff. 

So Happy (Not) Together

My daughter will be three in June and for the first time she just started hinting toward the fact that she wants her dad and me to be together. She doesn't know what marriage is, but she watches enough tv and reads enough books to be bombarded with the images of a "traditional" family. I'm not against this image but it makes her feel a little sad and worried. She IS a worrier and one of the things that has surprised me about motherhood is how much work it can be to keep a child happy. Aubrey is a resilient little person, but she's smart and sensitive too. 

During a time when so many families are blended and kids come from divorced or single parent homes, I wish there were a few more examples of it in kids programming. I feel like I'm seeing more examples of same sex parents in family media than single parents. As awesome as I feel it is that same sex parents are finally starting to be recognized, I'm feeling left out as a single parent. 

Rich Dad, Poor Mom

The new 2010 Forbes "Richest People In The World List" just came out on March 10 and I was shocked and embarrassed to discover, once again, I'm NOT on it. Whaaat?!

Seriously, if they had a "Most Money Spent On Pony Rides" or Highest Number Of Times Purchased the Wrong Size Socks For Their Child" list, I'm pretty darn sure I'd be on it.

The list made bigger news than usual because a new guy, a Mexican guy nonetheless, has dethroned Bill Gates which has only happened, I believe, 3 times in the last 15 years. Don't sweat it, Bill. 2010 ain't over yet. 

While discussing this rich people list, my boyfriend began to read a list of the Forbes richest women in the world, pointing out that most of these gals inherited their money. Also, there aren't any women in the top ten of Richest People In the World list. In fact the richest woman in the world is Christy Walton and she comes in at a paltry 12. The only other woman in the top 25 is Christy's sister-in-law, Alice Walton, at number 16 and she's a real winner - killed a 50 year old mother of two while drunk driving in 1989 and was never charged or cited any fines. She was then cited for drunk driving in 1996 and it cost her $925. I should mention she's an avid horse woman. She should stick to driving horses.

I Love You. You're Disgusting.

I was ill prepared for how disgusting motherhood would be. It started right away too - pregnancy is so gross. I don't care how much you LOVED being pregnant (I didn't), you have to admit it was rude. The gallons of toxic vaginal mucous and crusty stuff coming out of my nipples made me wish I had saved all those latte dollars for a surrogate. 

At any rate, I made it through. Then came the super yucky delivery - placenta pate anyone? Truly horrifying recovery - fourth degree tear, couldn't wipe my ass clean after a bowel movement for almost two months. And infancy - poop pee poop pee poop pee and so on and so on and so on. I had changed dirty diapers before, as a babysitter in my teens, but I was really disenchanted by the other grossness of motherhood.

My little girl, Aubrey, is almost three. Three in June. She's sweet and kind. Snuggly and girly. She loves her baby doll and her stuffed animals. She loves to smell flowers and help mommy bake in the kitchen. She's also the grossest person I've ever met. Every day seems to bring a new level of yuck into our home, especially since using the toilet is still so funny, exciting and scary all at once. Lots of potty talk.

Now, before I go any further, I'd like to state that I do NOT have a weak stomach. I grew up with three older brothers and it's almost impossible to truly gross me out. I just can't believe how rude motherhood can be.