Deep South Moms

Living Without

Once upon a time, there was a happy couple.  They had dual careers, fabulous vacations, and paid off cars.  Their student loans were a distant memory, and a small, easily manageable mortgage was their only obligation in the world.   This happy couple had significant savings, and even splurged on furniture every now and then. 

Alas, they used all their savings to establish a kingdom of their own, while simultaneously cutting their income in half.  Of course, they quickly outgrew the small, manageable cottage, and moved to a larger, better, more expensive castle.  The Princes and Princess consumed quite a bit of money, and the vacations slowed significantly. 

With much hard work and dedicated effort, the extra loans were eliminated.  They battled the credit card dragon and defeated him, throwing his regenerating plastic rectangles into the fiery furnace.  They vowed never to allow that particular dragon into their kingdom again.

A New Kind Of Mother's Day

Mother’s Day is one of the most emotional holidays of the year for me.  For 7 years, the holiday found me in tears, crying for the deep longing within myself to be a Mother.  I was desperate to join the ranks of Motherhood and fulfill my life’s dream.   Despite my general positive attitude about my infertility, that day always brought out the worst of my feelings.  It reminded me of what I wasn’t, and everything I didn’t have. 

Fast forward 3 years and 3 kids, I was once again in tears on Mother’s Day.  I enjoyed my first Mother’s Day as a mother- I had a 5 month old, and was loving every minute.  She was an easy baby, and of course I gave myself all the credit.  The next year it went by without even a mention.  My husband and now one year old were far away.  I was by myself, in a hospital, taking care of preemie twins, who might or might not become my sons.  We didn’t talk much about Mother’s Day that year.  The year between May of 2005 and May of 2006 was hard.  A one year old, two preemie newborns, 3 surgeries, 2 hospitalizations, so many doctor visits I had to have a separate planner to keep track of them all, a major home renovation, legal red tape, and no sleep.  To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement. 

I Have A Reputation

Among the neighborhood moms, I have a reputation.  I hear their furtive whispers, and occasional comments that are said as a “joke”, but have an undercurrent of blame and reproof. 

There was an incident.  Last fall.  It had been so hot all summer, then it turned cold for a while, and then, one glorious day, it was beautiful.  Warm with a slight breeze, sun shining, birds chirping, the whole deal.  I took my three to the park, and we saw just about every single friend we knew.  Friends from church, friends from the school, and many from the neighborhood had all converged upon the closest playground to glory in one of the last beautiful days before the weather change. 

My daughter had just started Kindergarten, and I was enjoying the conversation with other moms about the World Of School which I was eager to learn more about.  And then it happened.  My kids discovered that in the rocky drainage area next to the playground was some mud.  They started playing in it.  They got mud on themselves.  And I didn’t stop them.  I did make them take off their shoes (shoes are hard to clean), but I didn’t care if they squished it in their toes, ran through it or threw rocks in. 

Good Intentions

I wake up with the best of intentions.  I am going to shower first thing (before the bus comes), fix a breakfast while also packing lunch for my daughter.  I will walk her to the bus and exchange some friendly chatter with the other moms.  Back home to get my twin sons moving.  I will throw in a load of laundry and do the dishes while they are getting dressed.  Workout, read for a few moments, then start clicking things off the “to do” list.  Our homeschooling will start promptly at 9 am, and will include laughter, projects, movement, and information.  It has happened at least (most?) once, so I know it’s possible, and as I lie in bed at night, that is how I picture my morning coming together.

Enough With The Magical Creatures

It starts out innocently enough. A fat man in a red suit delivering toys to good girls and boys. Becoming Santa was one of the things I looked forward to in the years before I had children. It is exciting to keep secrets, find the perfect present, and watch the wonder unfold as their little eyes light up with the excitement of the magic.

But just how much magic do we need? Besides the man in the suit, we also have a magical bunny that delivers baskets full of candy and toys. A fairy will exchange teeth for money. Before the bunny can come around, now we have a leprechaun who plays funny tricks and might leave a treat or two while the children are sleeping. Some of my friends have succumbed to the “backpack fairy” that leaves school supplies in backpacks for the first day of school. Am I the only one who thinks it is too much?

It's Our First Time

I knew eventually this day would come.  The day our oldest would start organized sports.   I am now officially a soccer mom.  My girl is nervous, and excited, and somewhat out of her element.  She isn’t always sure where to run or which direction to kick the ball.  She feels intimidated by the other kids, and is looking for friends.

I could say the same thing about myself.  I’ve already made several rookie mistakes.  I signed her up for teams at the YMCA.  The form said that all teams were coed, and since her cousin (a boy) is in the league and her same age, I requested that she be on his team.  Well, I think they are technically coed, but we showed up to the first practice and she was the only girl.  Not only on this team, but the only girl anywhere in sight.  I was trying to figure out if all the girls were at dance class or something, but when we went to leave, entire fleets of girl teams flooded the fields.  Whoops. 

Housing Market Hopes

Three years ago we thought we had found a perfect solution to a growing problem.  We were quickly outgrowing our starter home townhouse, but we were afraid to sell.  Between the market crash and the fear of having to keep a clean house with 3 toddlers underfoot, we were reluctant to take the plunge into trying to sell a house.  When some acquaintances offered to rent it for a year and then buy it at the end of the lease term, we were overjoyed.  We couldn’t have hoped for a better situation.  They were firm in their resolve to buy, and we covered all our bases with signed leases and hammered out details.

An all too short 2 months later, we found ourselves in exactly the situation we were trying to avoid in the first place.  Our tenants moved out with no notice, and we were solidly in our new house, with no feasible way to pay two mortgages.  We eventually found another tenant, and reluctantly joined the ranks of landlords. 

When Memories Are Better Than Reality

I came home from the circus completely discouraged.  My husband had gotten free tickets for all 5 of us, and we couldn’t wait for our children to see the wonderful acts, tricks and funny clowns.  It is possible that I had built it up a little too much in my mind.  I was hoping to see wonder and amazement in their faces, but they were much more interested in the flip-up-flip-down seats than they were in the man jumping through a ring of fire. 

My experience was full of frustration.  Trying to get them to all stay in their seats, off the stairs, out of the bathrooms, eat their food, watch the show, not kick the seat in front of them… it was an exercise in futility.  Every time I tried to get them interested in the action, they would ask to go to the bathroom.  Or beg me once again to buy a light up toy.  The ride home was nothing but 3 pint sized attitudes whining because even though we had enjoyed food, drinks, face painting, t-shirts and candy (not to mention, you know, the CIRCUS), we did not buy cotton candy, popcorn or toys.  Imagine the horror of making them live through such a thing.

Home School Fantasy

Almost as soon as my kids started school this year (daughter in Kindergarten and twin sons in pre-K), I started thinking about home school.  Despite my bliss at having mornings to myself, my house actually being clean, and having lunch dates without a playground, I found myself thinking about and researching home school. 

There are so many things that draw me to the world of home school. 

I think I would love the routine.  I would enjoy the exploration I would be able to do along with my children.  I would love to take vacations at off peak times and avoid the crowds.  I think I would like having them around more.  I think that home school offers more opportunity to explore, delve into interesting subjects, and allows them to develop at their own individual pace rather than trying to mold themselves into a ‘normal’ pattern of development.

There are things about home school that frighten me. 

Adventures In Dog Sitting

When our cat disappeared this past summer, our kids started begging for a dog.  Although we were pretty resistant to the idea, they were starting to wear us down.  Even my husband, who is generally against pets, was starting to waver.  When our friends asked us to dog sit for 2 weeks while they visited family over the holidays, we were looking forward to the opportunity to ‘try out’ being dog parents.   

Charlie was the exact dog I would choose.  He was friendly and playful, and very, very patient with the kids.  He slept a lot, and loved to go for walks.  Except for the whole one green eye and one brown eye thing, I really did like the dog.
The kids were over the moon.  Charlie was their first thought in the morning, and for two weeks I woke to the sounds of kids chasing a dog around.  It was cute the first few mornings, tolerable the next few, and then it got downright annoying.  They loved feeding him (we ran out of food after the first week and had to buy more for the second), giving him treats (I’m surprised he didn’t get sick), and taking him for walks (they stayed with me for half a block, then ran home leaving me alone with Charlie).