Deep South Moms

Silicon Valley Moms Group Acquired By Technorati Media

Reports of our demise, as the saying goes, were premature. The Silicon Valley Moms Group of sister sites is taking up residence in a new location. Look for that great timely, opinionated, poignant, and sometimes just plain funny parenting content you're used to seeing on this site over at The Women's Channel at Technorati. After 6 great years of blogging here, we've moved to a new home.

Fondly,

Jill Asher, Beth Blecherman & Tekla Nee

Co-Founders, Silicon Valley Moms Group

Deep In The Heart

Confession time: I am not really a Texan. Well, I guess that's not entirely true. I am a Texan Transplant. I moved here 2 years ago when my husband took a different job. Before we moved here, I told my husband that I could live in a lot of places, and that I could probably adapt to most any climate or landscape or population. But not Texas. Hey-ell no.

But, as fate would have her way with us (as she always seems to do), we ended up in Texas. The job my husband took had a few locations available that we could choose from and it seemed that going to Texas was the best of the bad choices we had. At the time, it was like picking between a root canal and getting a tooth pulled - we couldn't do neither and we couldn't do both, so we had to pick. And pick Texas we did.

Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok: A SV Moms Group Book Club

Transplanted from Hong Kong to New York City as a (very poor) young girl with her mother, Ah-Kim or Kimberley, struggled to make things better for her family, to learn English, to walk the line between traditional Chinese duties and the Americanized teenager she grew into. Join us today as we discuss the book Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok.

Here are what the SV Moms Group contributors ave to say today, all inspired by the book Girl in Translation:

• Marinka from Motherhood in NYC tells her immigration story in America, Baby
• Pamela from 2 Much Testosterone felt empowered
• Emily from Mama Sick has hope for her son
• Sharon from Channeling Ricky recognizes her own childhood embarrassment
• Vanessa from Chefdruck Musings goes for a taste of America
• April from It's All About Balance is a girl in gratitude
• Emily Paster from West of the Loop examines secrets below the surface
• Melanie from tales from the crib just wanted to fit in
• Elena from Cara Mamma reflects on dreaming big
• Lisa H. from Hannemaniacs has aunts just like Aunt Paula
• Alma from Marketing Mommy had culture shock
• Kristine from Mommy Needs Therapy or a Bottle of Wine was moved by the reality of immigrants who come to the U.S. for a "better" life
• Rox from Rox and Roll has thoughts about honor
• Julie from Just Precious opens her eyes in her own neighborhood
• Jen B from Anybody Want A Peanut? tries to translate autism

Silicon Valley Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please leave a comment here to join in the discussion.

Past SV Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• I am Nujood, Aged 10 and Divorced by Nujood Ali
• The Body Scoop for Girls by Dr. Jennifer Ashton
• Just Let Me Lie Down by Kristin van Ogtrop, Editor of REAL SIMPLE magazine
• National Geographic's Green Guide Families by Catherine Zandonella
• Top 100 Finger Foods and Top 100 Baby Purees by Annabel Karmel
• The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman
• The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex by Kristen Chase
• Coco Chanel & Igr Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh
• See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
• Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the SV Moms Group Book Club.

How dare he!

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a force unlike any other I've been faced with. It grabs you by the throat and holds your head under water until you feel like every ounce of air left in your lungs is about to give way. Then one day, like a light switch being turned off, it's gone. Just like that.

Postpartum depression isn't an illness that eases you through stages. You actually start out at rock bottom and then it gets worse. It's horrifying.

A few days ago, I had an ordinary post up on my blog. I fully mention in my "About Me" section of my blog that I am a PPD survivor. One of my followers left a comment at this ordinary post with a P.S. 

She writes: "P.S. I'm right there with ya on the PPD. I had SEVERE PPD after my second daughter. I had a doctor tell me not to have any more kids because I was guaranteed to have PPD with next one. Well, after my son, no PPD! So glad I didn't listen to that quack!"

This got me really thinking. I have three children. My oldest is fifteen, my middle child is eleven and the youngest is fifteen months. Lots of space between (I'm a little crazy, I know!). I didn't have a lick of PPD with either of the first two. After my last son, I felt as though my emotions had crawled into a dark cave and remained in the shadows for months. Even a hint of sunlight on my emotions had them creeping backward, scraping fingernails against the wall, to reach back into the darkness. It was really bad.

Oh Manners, Where Art Thou?

I am having a party on Thursday through HouseParty.com. It's a fun site that connects companies who want to market their products to the public with people willing to host parties and use the products sent to them. The hosts are not agents of the company, but rather just folks who want to throw a party and have a good time, using some stuff they got for FREE to try out. Through the HouseParty.com website I could fill in e-mail addresses and folks could RSVP electronically OR by calling me.

So, my party is a Hasbro Party. We are going to play Trivial Pursuit, Taboo, and CatchPhrase. I invited about 20 people, including friends from church, our neighborhood, and my husband's work. So, the party is in one day from now. And... two people are coming. One couple. Three other people (one couple and a single) have RSVP'ed "no" but everyone else is MIA. All I can say is, What. The. Frack?

The South is Almost Like Family

For the past hour I've been sitting outside in 80 degree weather and 70 percent humidity with my little book light and June bugs that seem to really like me. 

I'm reading Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and yes, I know that books been out for a coon's age - 1994 to be exact. 

Normally I steer clear of "southern fiction" like the plague...or Dr. Pepper. But my friend Alana loaned it to me and basically threatened bodily harm upon me if I didn't read the book.

Mind Over Body, or Body Over Mind

I just got back from the longest run I've ever done. It's no distance that will blow anyone away.  Yet, if you'd have told me six months ago (really even 6 weeks ago) that I'd be out there running 25 minutes without stopping I'd have thought you'd lost your mind. Because I've tried running before and never been very successful. Actually, in the past it has basically been a disaster.

I'm following the Couch to 5 K running plan. I've tried it before, and I couldn't figure out why it was going better this time. Maybe it's because I weigh 20 pounds less than when I tried before. Or perhaps, it's because I've been exercising somewhat regularly for the last few years. Maybe it's because I told people my plan this time. Or because several of my friends started the program at the same time as I did. 

The fact of the matter is, with the exception of weeks one and two, it hasn't been easy. I repeated week six because I had a really hard time hitting the 25 minute mark on the last day. I might stick around on week seven for an extra week as well. Is that the secret to this working this time?  In the past if I couldn't hit a milestone exactly on time, I would quit. This time, I figure if it takes me the rest of my life to run 5K without stopping, it's okay. I just want to do it. I'd rather get there and then set a new goal, but for now I am content.

The Toddler Manicure

How young is too young to start getting manicures?  I did not think this issue through until last month, when a friend's three year old daughter proudly displayed her pink toe nails.  "She loved it!" my friend raved, telling me how much fun they had getting their nails done at their mother-daughter outing.

I'm sure my three year old would also enjoy the experience, so much so that I would probably never be able to pass by a salon with her without going in.  

I worried how I would take the polish off (nail polish remover? Isn't that toxic?) and whether it would open the floodgates of grooming requests. Would she want to wax unwanted hair next?

I decided to would put off manicures until she was older.

Like many of my decisions, though, that was canceled out by circumstance.

The Speed of Summer

As a child Summer was a time of freedom.  The days were long, endless, and full of adventures with friends, lightning bugs, and, a total escape from school.  We would spend our days sleeping in, swimming at the community pool, playing in the hose, and running around the neighborhood until well after dark.  Often times we'd head outside to play shortly after breakfast and would only make an appearance to refuel at lunch and dinner.  Summer seemed magical somehow.  It seemed to take forever to arrive, but when it did it meant we all had time to be kids - play, run, jump, laugh, and experience anything and everything that comes with warmer weather. 

We always seemed to know when Summer was coming to an end without even looking at a calendar. The weather began to feel slightly more crisp in the mornings and in the evenings.  Stores suddenly smelled like scotch tape, paper, and crayons.  Parents even seemed more serious and focused rather than carefree.  We were told we must go to be earlier to prepare for school and pot roast would suddenly replace grilled chicken for dinner.  We began to taste the joys of Autumn.

That was twenty years ago.  

It isn't the same now. 

Reconnected

More than a month ago I lost my cellphone. I'm fairly certain it's in the house somewhere. I remember putting it in my pocket to leave, but when I got to the car, it was gone. I opted not to go back in the house to look for it because my youngest two children were standing with their noses pressed against the front window, wailing because I was leaving them behind.  

When I searched for it the next day, it was no where to be found. I offered my older girls ever-increasing rewards for finding it, but still no luck. Perhaps the toddler tossed it in the trash. 

Reclaiming My Real Estate Virginity

I’ve heard that one becomes a property virgin after three years free of home ownership.  If that’s true, my husband and I are about to get our virginity back, and I’m pretty eager to lose it all over again even though the first time was painful.

The slow seduction of the home search...  The temptation of a deed...  The longing for ownership, even when all reason points to ultimate heartbreak...  Real estate has not been good to us, and yet I can’t stop lusting for it.

With the milestone of our revirginization rapidly approaching, we have taken to driving around the neighborhoods of Birmingham on Sunday afternoons, dreaming of this house or that one, imagining the day when we will finally feel settled enough here to give up our wayward, renting lifestyle and commit to a – gasp! –mortgage.

We were on such a drive recently, slowly cruising a tree-lined street in a neighborhood full of joggers and baby strollers.  The locals might have thought we were burglars on a reconnaissance mission but for the two little girls strapped into the back seat and the sound of Kidz Bop emanating from the car.  I urged my husband to slow down in front of homes with wide front porches and speed up past the ones with steeply inclined driveways.

Young at Heart

When we are young we think, and feel, that we are invincible. We see suffering as a distant reality in someone else's world. Few of us experience deep seated suffering, or if we do, we digest it differently. We are perhaps better equipped to look forward with anticipation. And hope. Few of us taste mortality's bitter sweetness when we are young.

When we are young we never see ourselves growing old. Hell, I thought 32 was old once upon a time. Nevermind that I am almost a decade past that now. Ironically, now that I am teetering on the cusp of 42, I still feel young. I believe people call women like me, women of a certain age, "young at heart. My body doesn't always comply. My graying temples, mushy parts, dark circles, and forehead wrinkles betray me. Somehow I'm not keeping up with my mind, my outlook, and my youthful (i.e. immature) sense of humor.

There is a fork in my aging highway.

Do you really need clean underwear this week?

After the birth of my third son fifteen months ago, I developed postpartum depression. I have since recovered through means of therapy, medication and support from family, friends, and writing. Every once in a while I fall into a slump and automatically assume the depression is back. I was told that with postpartum depression, some women never truly get over it and remain on medication for life. Place a mental check-mark on the list of "Things you were never told would happen after having a child"!

I've been in a slump as of late. My husband is a stay at home dad by day and attends school at night, except for the Summer months. While at home, he cares for our fifteen-month-old and has since I returned to work from maternity leave. By the end of this week, school is out for the Summer for both of our older children. This means that morning after morning, I have to prepare myself for the day ahead and venture out for the ride to work, alone. Each morning at 7:15am, I will have to close and lock the door where all of my loved ones will remain snuggled in their beds while I go off to the office for the day.

Phone Friends

We all have one of those friends... the one who we call but won't return our call back. The one who claims she's too busy with her family to make time for phone calls. The one who swears that she's just not a "phone person".

Or, maybe you ARE that friend. You're the one who just can't seem to find a moment to steal away on the phone when the kids aren't fighting, or you aren't paying bills, or it isn't before 6 am or after 10pm. You're the friend who really wants to keep in touch with friends, but life just doesn't afford the time for it.

As a person who's been on the receiving end of a non-ringing phone, I can tell you, it is very lonely. And don't go thinking that I'm sitting around, bored, waiting for a phone call. I've got 5 kids! Even a toddler and a baby! My days are packed and every moment is precious. So, if I can squeeze a few moments out of my day to call someone, it makes me feel more than a bit hurt when a "very close" friend can't do the same for me.