No question raises my hackles faster than "Are you Noa's mother?" Because it is never followed up with praise but rather a litany on her latest wrongdoings.
Like the students in Anita Shreve's Testimony, my children are generally good apples. But one of the many things we take away from this book is that even good kids occasionally make poor choices. And as a mother we feel responsibility for their actions, even if we were miles away.
"I often wonder now, Should I have been more strict? Should I have been less strict?"
Part of growing up is making poor choices and learning to live with the consequences. Spend all your allowance on gum and you might not have enough money to go to the movies. Learn that at age 7 and maybe at 21 you won't spend all your money on drugs and not be able to afford a car. My theory has always been to let them make mistakes when the stakes are low.
But the desire to protect them, to bail them out of bad situations, comes the first time they place that tiny bundle in your arms. When my oldest came home with 3 C's on his report card, I went running to the teacher. Can a fifth grader adequately manage his own homework load? What about a college student?
"Sometimes I think I could have stopped it. At other times, I know I could not have."
Looking back on my own teenage years, I can't help but cringe. I know I knew better. Was I bored? Filled with feelings of my own immortality? Just plain stupid? Most likely a combination of the three that had nothing to do with my upbringing and everything to do with the raging hormones that rule all teenagers.
So I'm learning. You can be a good mother and your kids will nevertheless get into trouble. At 4, 8 and 11, the stakes in my house are still low. But they get higher everyday. As a mother I can only hope that what I've done is enough. The rest is up to them.
Original DC Meto Moms Blog post. When not worrying about her kids or quoting Anita Shreve, Amy G. can be found blogging at LeShallowGal and Secret Spineless Whine.
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