DC Metro Moms

Drive Through Starbucks, Mommy's Naptime Fix

Both my children fell asleep in the car today on the drive home from school. They're six and four and have never been much for napping, so this was a cause for a celebration ...

of the caffeinated, skim, double pump and extra shot kind!

Quiet Starbucks drive-through run, oh how I've missed you.

For four years straight I lived in that purgatory of child rearing with children who still napped BUT if they fell asleep in the car for one nanosecond they "counted" that teensy wink as their nap. And then they were exhausted messes for the remainder of the day.

Thankfully, the drive-through Starbucks in my area saved my sanity AND my kids' sleep schedules.

Now some of you industrious individuals may know a secret to keeping your child awake with music and snacks and the sighting of wild game outdoors.  Keeping her awake you are able to (safely) speed home and deposit her in the crib.

Volunteers: There are Do-Lots and Do-Littles

You know those children's books that you can recite word for word, since you've read them aloud hundreds of times?  In our family, one of those is Babies by Ros Aquith and Sam Williams. My kids Charlie and Evie adored it when they were babies themselves.  (And don't tell them that I told you, but they still love it as big time six- and four-year-olds.) 

The opening line has lately been running through my head:

There are big babies
and little babies,
Do-lots and
do-little babies...

Because I have come to learn that there are also Do-Lots and Do-Little PARENTS.

At least when it comes to volunteering time and talent in kids' classrooms, schools, clubs, teams and organizations. There are two camps: those parents who bring the Rice Krispy treats and those who do not.

And while these do-lot or do-little differences are charming in little chubby munchkins that drool, when it comes to grown adults in their 20s-50s it's just annoying.  For both sides of the (school bus) aisle.

Faith Diets: Pray Yourself Thin?

The latest diet trend?  PRAY yourself thin!

FoxNews has an online article entitled Fed Up With Fat? Faith Diets Offer New Approach that discusses the rising popularity of religious weight loss systems. Apparently, faith diets address the spiritual needs of overeaters and provide through prayer and faith the comfort that people seek through food. 

The idea is that if you fill someone's soul, she won't need to over-fill her belly. 

What a bunch of baloney.  I've been praying DAILY for twenty-five freaking years to be skinny, svelte, stick-like and it has not worked. 

I've basically prayed so much that I've probably earned a few indulgences, and while it's nice to have a Get Out of Hell Free card, I'd much rather be a size 2.  I've prayed so ardently and diligently for thin thighs and tremble-free triceps that I figured Jesus, Mary and Joseph would have by now arranged an overnight magical liposuction session just to get me to shut up.

Eating In the Grocery Store - BUSTED!

It's not my fault!

As a new mom, those La Leche League meetings validated my right to feed my babies whenever, wherever they demanded. 

When they graduated to solids, those domes of cheese and bread cubes at Whole Foods really started it.

The Costco vendors of mini bagel dogs, potstickers and one-gulp fruit smoothies reinforced it.

Then a Trader Joe's came to my 'hood and took it to a whole new level, with the kid cups of cat-shaped cookies and apple cider poured right into their sippy cups at every visit, not to mention near-entree size samples of carne asada, smoked salmon and other yummies.

The Bad Mommy result? 

My children cannot get through a grocery run without eating their way through the store.

How to Choose a Preschool (It's Not for the Faint of Heart!)

Are you the parent of a two- or three-year-old agonizing over where your child will hang his or her little backpack next year?  Are you currently in the throes of preschool open houses, waiting lists, applications, deposits, nights spent in sleeping bags to secure a place and other angst? If so, my prayers are with you. Seriously. Three years ago I was where you are now, and it was tough.  I made it through, and you will too.

When my first kid left toddlerhood, gained a little sister and had his third birthday, I started to consider preschool for him in the coming fall. I read everything I could Google or obtain from the libraries (my sincere apologies to Silver Spring library patrons if you were waiting on Maria Montessori's book those three, OK, five months I had it checked out; for the fines I paid I could have bought us all our own copies.) I hounded parents in Safeway, CVS, the pediatrician's office, the community pool. I pity any parent with a child three years and older that struck up a polite conversation with me in 2006. I attended every preschool orientation in the six neighboring zip codes, every school fair in the county. I e-mailed my real-life friend Tech Savvy Mama about once a day for a while there; not only is she a great writer and tech education expert, she is one patient friend.

You Can Learn A Lot From a Teenager

I love teenagers.  Probably because I still feel like one.  I mean, how did I get to be almost 35, responsible for two kids that go to school every day, the owner of a mortgage and a minivan, already on my "second career," married for almost eight years and kissing only one guy for ten?  Just two seconds ago my mom was checking me into college while I wore a flannel tied around my waist and Nirvana and Snoop blared from the dorm windows...right?

Not.  I'm a mid-thirties suburban mom. Every day I awake and have to come to terms with this fact.  But another fact is, I've never been so happy.  Even as each day I see my hotness quotient plummet.  Even as I realize the bra I try to buy at Vicky's Torrid Trampy Secret doesn't even come in boring nude or black.  Even as the dermatologist I booked to zap my zits tries to upsell me on Botox injections. 

And one of the reasons my sagging facial muscles are smiling is that I'm blessed to hang out with teenagers on a regular basis. 

Funny IMs, Tweets and E-mails, Thanks to Snowmageddon 2010

If there's one good thing this crazy series of snowstorms in the Washington DC area has produced, it's the hilarious one liners from my favorite bloggers and friends online.  

And since I'm not above exploiting their awesome wit (hey, it's much easier to exploit them rather than work to write something witty myself), here are some of the best snowed-in cabin fever IMs, Tweets and e-mail lines from the past few days.

Chat/Instant Messaging

Woman 1: I am gaining a ton of weight due to all the snowed-in eating and drinking

Woman 2: @#$& it. no exercise videos on the TV?  just kidding.

W1: but I'm having more sex, that counts as exercise, right?

W2: totally!!!

Stay at Home Mom Goes Back to Work, Whines From Home

You know the saying that if you slowly heat a frog in water he will happily allow himself to be boiled?  Well, I've been too busy to turn my Le Creuset into a froggy jacuzzi and fact check that statement, but I think this analogy is fitting for the warning I'd like to send you other stay at home moms out there: 

Once you start freelancing in earnest and taking on small work projects from home, it's a slippery slope until you've officially become a

[cue dramatic music]

WORKING MOM!

And like a good middle class American woman, I would now like to whine about my blessings.

Single Moms at the Holidays

It's the time of year when we volunteer at food banks or soup kitchens, write checks to charities and call those old people in our family that possibly don't remember our names. 

Maybe we hear that sappy Chistmas Shoes song on the local all-Christmas-all-the-time radio station and are inspired to pick up a second bacon egg and cheese bagel for the guy standing outside our coffee place. Or we pick up a Private Benjamin Special Edition Barbie on mega clearance for a Toys for Tots drive. 

Or at least we think about doing these things, right?

I have a simpler, cheaper and equally important holiday kindness activity to suggest: 

Invite that single mom you know over for your holiday dinner. 

Mom Blogger Media Training - Red Carpet Edition

In my former life as a Capitol Hill staffer and public relations executive, I used to go to some really fat (or phat?  does anyone say that anymore?) parties. Usually to work.  I'd be one of those chicks running around with a clipboard or hovering at a VIP's elbow.  I held purses, held doors, held the phone for incoming calls and left those outfits that could hold up traffic at home in my closet in favor of sensible clothes that conveyed "capable."

I dropped out of the world of being indispensable to an elected or a corporate client to be indispensable to the most demanding of bosses - my kids. And then I started a local parenting resources blog, joined the DC Metro Moms, got into freelance reporting and I've started getting invited to fat (or phat?) parties again...as a real guest.   Some of them even have red carpets.  And sometimes instead of being the person bugging people with questions, people ask me questions.  Which is pretty hysterical.  

Now I know that most of you mom/parenting bloggers reading this - my writer comrades on the Silicon Valley Moms Group - are doing amazing things and seriously going places.  It's so inspiring to see what you guys are all accomplishing and building.  You're entrepreneurs, media personalities, Internet celebrities, activists, pundits.  You guys are appearing on the Today Show and Oprah and Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, and I know there are many red carpets in your future. 

So I thought I'd help you out with some canned answers to give the reporters and photographers...at least until you have the dough to hire a capably-dressed publicist to feed the answers to you.  Please choose the best answer for each of the following red carpet questions in the first in a series of

MOM BLOGGER MEDIA TRAININGS!