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October 12, 2008

Too Old to be Young

Niki In a matter of days I'll be 35. The big 3-5. Five years from 40! I apologize if you're 40 or over 40 and you're offended by my next statement, but geez louise, 40 just seems so...old. And I'm well on my way to being old too.

I was riding in the car with my mother about a month ago and I told her I needed to do something big for my birthday. You know, kinda let it all hang out and celebrate in some kind of major way because it's a landmark birthday. She looked at me as if I was crazy and I said, "Well, you know I'll be 35 this year!" She almost fainted.

See, even my own mother is surprised that I'm getting old. "You can't be turning 35, I remember when I was 35!" she said. "Well mother, I am and you know, since you are my mother you were supposed to actually know that I'm about to turn 35," I shot back.

My mother went on and on about how I can't be getting old on her because naturally that would mean that she's getting old and well, we just can't have that. Obviously we have some kind of age denial thing going on in my family. My own grandmother still tells people she's 16 every year on her birthday and she recently turned 75. I've been considering something similar, only instead of sticking to a ridiculous age like 16 I'm thinking of counting back a year every year. I figured I could get away with it at least until I hit 23 again. Then maybe I'll consider counting forward again.

Anyway, I know what you're thinking..."you're only as old as you feel," but that's a bunch of hogwash and you know it. It's something we tell each other and ourselves so that we'll feel better about getting or being old. But it's a lie. Just like that whole 30 is the new 20 thing. Singer Lyfe recently said on his latest CD, "30 is not the new 20, 30 is 30!" Exactly.

You can think that your old age is the new, hot thing, but really you're an old head and it's just time to fess up and admit it. I'm admitting it. Even with all the Jay-Z I still bump loudly in my car, the slang I still throw into conversations when I'm chopping it up with my girls on the phone, the Beyonce dances I do in the mirror when no one's watching but my 3-year-old son, I'm getting old. And here are ten reasons why:

  1. I know slang, oh yeah, but it's probably not the latest and greatest. Of course my friends know what I'm talking about, but my 13-year-old stepson probably doesn't.
  2. Any ol' school hip-hop that I listen to is considered a classic. And that includes the Notorious B.I.G. and he just died in '97!
  3. I don't understand why boys wear skinny jeans...at all. I don't get it. I never will. I must be old. (Where I'm from, that's a no-no, honey. It just is.)
  4. I can barely stay up past midnight.
  5. Taking a shower no longer wakes me up in the morning. I'm driving to work half-sleep these days.
  6. I can't eat as many candy bars, cookies and chips as I want anymore without them actually sticking to me instead of falling off due to that fast metabolism I had ten years ago.
  7. I can't even understand what the heck they're saying in rap music these days. It's mind boggling. I am hip-hop. Or at least I was. When it was understandable.
  8. Heels make my feet hurt. Almost immediately.
  9. I need naps.
  10. My memory sucks so bad that I almost forgot that I needed to write this post today.

So I'm getting old. I can live with that, but I prefer calling it grown and sexy 'cause it has a much better ring to it.

An original DC Metro Moms post.

Catch niki d. all grown and sexy at mama's got moxie.


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