50-something Moms Blog

Learning To Love

Yesterday I turned 54. I’ve never been happier. I’m right there with Marianne Williamson who coined the term “new middle age”. Her invitation to all us 50-somethings is to embrace middle age as a time to delve deeper, to step into the power of our wisdom and to express ourselves more fully. If we spend our energy chasing a youthful appearance and bemoaning the facts of aging, then we stunt our full-blossoming and will not reap the gifts of own spiritual and personal growth.

I think growing up and even growing older are about learning how to love - better and more fully, deeply, truly. Over the past 20 years, I I’ve put a lot of time and energy into taking greater responsibility for myself, for growing my consciousness and for healing negative patterns. I am happy to say that it is definitely paying off. I have swum in my own unique black hole of unmet need; I have befriended many of my demons and, although, it has been raw and unruly and even terrifying and heart-breaking at time, it’s been worth it. I am not on medication. I do not struggle with anxiety, depression, loneliness or health. I have wonderful, loving relationships. I can actually say that my experience of life feels newer, fuller, better as I get older. I move at a slower pace; I see from a much bigger, systemic perspective, and I truly accept and appreciate life as it is. There is a new, richness to love that fills me with causeless joy. I am more clearly guided by my own heart, and more deeply connected to people, principles, nature, projects.

Learning to Empower my Son

Our son, Mack, who was born when I was 37, is now a junior in high school. Parenting is more challenging now because it is not about hands-on but hands-off; about how to be there but in the background; to hold a firm boundary but stay out of the space in between.  

Robert Bly wrote that for a mother to support her son in becoming a man, she must let herself be killed off but not die. It’s been a challenging learning curve for me, one which required me to look at myself and other family relationships more closely. Fortunately, I was introduced to the Family Constellation work of Bert Hellinger. In Constellation philosophy, which maps multi-generational family system dynamics and health, an adolescent son must leave Mom and bond with Dad to fully embody his masculinity. This past year, I have seen first-hand the truth and gift of truth.

Starting anew at 52

Being in my 50’s is turning out to be a rich time of personal growth.  Who knew?!

Unexpectedly derailed professionally at age 52, I slowed way down and took a big pause.  Standing in the rubble of what was, I saw how myopic I had been.  In being so committed to my mission to bringing the health and well-being benefits of yoga education to schools, I had sacrificed my own well-being and integrity.  I was so busy doing my work, that there was no space between responsibilities to enjoy life and be there for others.  I was out of alignment with my principles and goals and justifying it rather than addressing it. I knew the universal law of energy that states: the means = the end, but I was not abiding by it.  The how and what were not integrated and so, unsustainable.  The gap created a weakness and finally everything came tumbling down.  The good news is, according to the Mayan view of the world, I was right on schedule.  Mayan’s call year 52, the year of starting over, which I’ve done.  And what a blessing… 

 I work from home now, slowly growing my new business. I enjoy my beautiful life.  I have time to support and be there my husband, son and self.  I’ve even been able to get certified as a Family Constellation Facilitator and serve my community in a new and deeply fulfilling way.  I’m still dedicated to enhancing health and empowerment but I am careful to do so in a way that works for my life.  Instead of running, traveling, training, writing full-tilt for a national organization, I develop and produce yoga-based movement enrichment resources for pre-school children, families and pre-schools, which I sell myself.    I am focused on a niche and love how my work is evolving.  I see how much more of a contribution I am to everything when I sustain my own balanced state.  I am the poster child for the saying: we teach what we need to learn.