Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Not Just A Mom

It always seems around this time of the year, that I ponder the whole motherhood thing. I go back and forth between feeling powerful in the role of being a mother and powerless at how moms are perceived...But this year has been different on many levels..

Yesterday as I was talking with a group of people at a family running event, one of the dads mentioned his wife to me and said something to the effect of "Just a mom". He was actually complementing how amazing his wife was to give up a career to be a mom, but it hit a nerve with me. Feeling the power of my parent blogger network and specifically one of the pledges in the back of Maria Shriver's book "Just Who You Will Be?', I said in a clear and steady voice "Never say Just". To confirm another reason why this year is different, a fellow mom friend of mine standing in the group said "Yeah, you are talking to a mom who blogs and was just interviewed on Forbes.com".

heh.....

I wondered why it took being a gadget obsessed mom interviewed by mainstream media about being a gadget obsessed mom to feel validated on a new level. But the secret to my sense of power is not only in the interview, it is in the "Groundswell". Charlene Li a fellow Silicon Valley Moms Blogger and co-author of the book defined Groundswell as the "social trend where people use technologies to get things they need from each other, rather then from traditional institutions like corporations".

Should Preschoolers Get Pedicures?

Every 2 or 3 months I treat myself to a manicure/pedicure. The manicure shop I go to is local and very reasonably priced. I rationalize the spurlge by saying it is a medical expense after all the daily bathroom bleaching and washing I do to keep a house of three boys going.  But last week when I went for my little treat I had a little surprise sitting next to me: A PRESCHOOLER - with her mother sitting right next to her! She was getting a full manicure and pedicure. The little girl was very well behaved and completely adorable as she giggled when they cut her nails and sucked her thumb while painting her toe nails.  I did not get my first manicure until I was in my late 20's and had a stable job......As a mom of three boys, I had many thoughts running through my head while watching the preschooler get her services:

Divorce Blogging

Yesterday my husband handed me the front page of the New York Times and said you have to read this article: "When the Ex Writes a Blog, The Dirtiest Laundry Is Aired".  The article was about bloggers who post about their divorce details, and two of my favorites Naked Jen and Penelope Trunk bravely spoke up on the subject. I had a chance to meet both of these bloggers live and they as engaging and interesting in person. What really moved me about the article is that I am a child of a divorced family, so the discussion of the effect of children reading their parent's divorce blog posts is an interesting one. I thought about Penelope Trunk's quote from the article when asked if it is good for children to get information about their parent's divorce in a blog:

"It is a generational issue"...we think it will be a big deal, but it won't be for them"...

I only remember parts about my parent's divorce such as resenting going back and forth between houses when I was in highschool. There were other disappointments, like realizing that some of our married family friends felt uncomfortable hanging out with the "divorced" family... Although I do remember longing for the white picket fence life, I felt better about having divorced parents then having parents in an unhappy marriage. But in the long run, experiencing divorce as a child helped me

I Am A Bi-Schooler

The education day discussions going on our blogs inspired me to come out as a "bi-schooler". I saw people ranting about the public schools going down the drain or about private schools having the same problems at more expensive price.

My oldest child has been in the public school system for 4 years now, my youngest still in preschool. I equal amounts of friends with kids in public and private schools. I had the opportunity to hear their input versus mine.... I had the opportunity to hear my older neighbors tell me how their kids both made it into Stanford going through the local public system and other neighbors who's kids are excelling in private school.  Instead of having strong feelings either way, I believe that the "right school" for a child is dependent on their specific learning styles. Yes, thats it... it is all about learning styles. Some of what I hear fellow preschool moms say about this school or that shows me they don't really understand that point (and I try not to be too annoyed...).

Unfortunately, I feel that learning styles are for the most part mis-understood because it is not fully covered in the education of Teachers. As a parent, it is also hard to get that information. I have in the past ranted on about how Mel Levine "schools attuned" programs should be made available for every school (in my dreams), which I feel would be a big help. I know my public school system has programs in place for differentiated learning that includes splitting the kids up starting at 3rd grade to a different class for math - dependent on what level they are at. Because our school has over 6 classrooms, there are more then 6 different math levels kids can go to (my son has moved up a couple of levels just this year). This is a great example of differentiated learning. Many private schools have smaller numbers of classes but find ways to have differentiation within the class. But the biggest misconception is that bright kids are made for school. Some of the most successful adults had a very tough time in school (i.e. geek syndrome) because they have a specific learning style.

So, back to what annoys me when I hear moms saying:

Mom Apprentice Wannabe

Jumping off the partner track at a consulting firm to tackle motherhood was the right career decision, but there are times where I long to be a consultant again. This craving comes on strong while watching The Apprentice series on television, to which I am addicted. Just the night before last, I watched the season finale of Celebrity Apprentice, still dreaming of when Donald Trump will announce next season's theme: Mom Apprentice. If I were picked for that show, I don't know what I would look forward to most - the challenge of the business cases or the absence of carpool duty for a few weeks.

Maybe the next show should take businessmen and put them in charge of kids for a week. Now that would be fun to watch....

For now, I will just have to settle for the challenge of re-inventing a career that works with motherhood... Finding a workspace when my former home office is now the twin's bedroom... Learning to ignore the piles of laundry in front of me while I work on my laptop... Blackberrying work emails while waiting in the school carpool lane. I was hopeful to learn about the new work/life balance web site past Apprentice judge Carolyn Kepcher created, which includes a grant program for women entrepreneurs called Seeds for Success. I may just have to apply.

Jewish Family Event On Easter: Cook Dinner For The Homeless

Managing the challenges of being a family in Silicon Valley where kids have their own batting cages in their back yards and go to Aspen for "ski week" is not easy. We work hard to instill values in our boys.

Just to be clear, we don't have a batting cage or even the room for one in our back yard and I had to work over "ski week".

Now that our youngest are 5 (twins) we have started a regular holiday routine: cooking dinner for the homeless. Being Jewish means that we are free on many of the mainstream holidays. Better yet, our Temple always organizes cooking dinners for the homeless so we get to share the experience with other Temple members. We did that for Christmas Eve, and today we are cooking our famous sweet potato casserole for Easter Dinner at the shelter.

What Moms Find Sexy

I was watching Lipstick Jungle on March 6 and was quite entertained with the the subplots:

• One of the characters who has been married for years (Nico - Kim Raver) is having an affair with a young hunk with well define abs. The hunk is madly in love with her and just sits around waiting for her to come over to his apartment.
  
• Nico has an beautifully big and organized closet filled with designer clothes and shoes (including Dolce & Gabbana and Jimmy Choo).
• Wendy (Brooke Shields) is a successful movie executive and working mom who holds it together because her husband is a stay at home dad that does laundry, takes care of the kids, cooks and has 5 o'clock shadow (the sexy kind). Oh, and she also dresses fabulously.

Which situation would a mom find most sexy?

Kids With Disorders - Moms In The Closet

One of the most touching things I have read in the blogosphere has been personal experiences and recommendations for parents coping with kids that have a range of disorders. These brave parents that share their experiences online help others gain strength and inspiration, and not feel so alone. But I feel sad that many parents don't feel comfortable sharing their experiences because of other parents at their schools that "label" kids with disorders.... All I can say to those labeller parents is "grow up!".

Parents of kids with learning disabilities or spectrum disorders cope by forming word of mouth groups to share information within that group. But it may be hard to find these groups in schools - so many parents struggle in isolation. Some may meet up at seminars on related topics, but would never see any information published in a school newsletter. There is a wide range of disorders that may effect children's ability to function in class. Some may be top of the class academically - but struggle to write. Some may be top athletes who can't read. Some may have spectrum disorders or learning disabilities.  And some may have a disorder that leave them being labeled as a quirky, maybe out of control kid but end up being incredibly successful adults. In Silicon Valley they coined it "Geek Syndrome" and this Wired Magazine article had some interesting points to make:

Soccer Mom Thieves

I was not surprised to read Jill's post about the burglaries in Palo Alto. But there may be a even more sinister side to these burglaries. I also heard from other moms two situations in particular where a house was burglarized while a mom left for 30 minutes to pick up her kids from school or another about a car that was broken into while a mom took their kids to class at a local community center. I think all moms should go on a neighbhorhood watch for the following:

• Punks walking out of your neighbor's (with kids) house, with computers and their flat screen TV during school pick-up time...
• Cars pulling up to next to other cars that are parked for a kids sports event or class, and there is the sound of glass breaking...

As Jill said it is important to make sure that all doors are locked, but even more to have a comprehensive plan in place. Here are some of the home security steps that I have seen mentioned in numerous places:

The Sock Strategy

After years of analyzing information system processes in my prior career, I finally decided that my kids' sock process needed some work. Every morning when my three boys need to head out the door nobody seems to be able to find or have socks on their feet. No matter how much I do laundry I can never keep up with folding socks (or have the interest to). We have the daily trauma of finding socks in the clean clothes basket. It had to end....

I tried putting clips to keep socks together in the wash, but the clips fell apart. I tried putting my kids initials on the socks (with Sharpies) so I would know which sock belongs to my older son versus my twins, but they ended up wearing each other's socks. When I put socks away in their sock draws, they never seemed to be able to get them on their feet and to the front door in the morning. If socks were put on before breakfast, then they would magically disappear before the kids left for school (like socks disappear in the dryer). I realized it was my PROCESS that needed work - not more manual labor.

I have looked through many organizational books but what really helps me is talking to other moms. Chris of Notes from the Trenches' post about organization showed the use of wire bins in her mud room to separate her kids socks.  So I devised a sock strategy of my own to make my mornings flow more smoothly: