I Could Really Use Some Hello Kitty Butt Paste

Hello Kitty Butt Paste doesn't exist, but I sure wish it did.  It seems that in the course of human events, the one constant is diaper rash, and my daughter has it.  Oh yes she does.

So I did what any (relatively) new mom and veteren geek would do - I panicked and then searched online for clues.  The medical sites were all vague and un-helpful and the doctor we spoke with at our friendly neighborhood medical foundation sent us down a random path, so I decided to ignore both and I went to the experts: moms.

Our problem isn't garden variety diarrhea or constipation, it's something I've just about trademarked "mini-poopies."  After a certain time of day, my little angel starts leaning to the side, grunts a bit, and emits a small squirt - just enough to cause major trauma to her tush after getting it cleaned up.  Then she does it again 30 minutes later, and again, and again.  Ad nauseum.

Finally, I emailed the parents' club "help" and scores of kind mothers came to our aide.  NO WIPES, they said.  Lots of water rinsing and lots of air drying.  Then you hit the diaper rash with whatever works: Desitin, Triple Paste, Welleda Calendula Cream, Monostat (yes, that's right), Lamisil, Country Comfort Baby Cream, Dr. Smith's Diaper Cream, Canus Lil' Goat's Oxide Ointment, Lotrimin, A&D Ointment, Burt's Bees Baby Bee Diaper Ointment, Johnson & Johnson's Baby Powder, Caladryl Clear, Caldesene Powder, Vaseline, Zinc Oxide ointment, Aquaphor, old fashioned Corn Starch and yes, Butt Paste.  Each mom swore by whichever one worked for her, and they all gave great tips along the way.  Whew.  That was exhausting.

So I went to Walgreens and gathered items for our arsenal, went home and started my toddler on a BRAT diet, and began a series of baths, showers, and quick powder-then-cream changes.  What a week.

The tips helped.  Her butt is looking better.  But during this anguishing process, what I learned is that the hardest part is getting my daughter to cooperate.  (She's almost two.)  What worked?  Short of getting a vice to pry her legs apart so I could get to what needed to be cleaned (if you're too squeamish for this part, you must not be a mom), lots of entertainment on the changing table made a difference.  She tried on latex gloves, played with crayons and pens, adored her Little People, read books and ate crackers (they're related to toast, right?)  I ran out of tricks.  Which leads me to Hello Kitty Butt Paste.

We have Hello Kitty toothpaste and Hello Kitty Band-Aids, but no Hello Kitty Butt Paste. I'm pretty confident it doesn't exist, because if it did, Hello Kitty Hell would have found it, but if Hello Kitty Butt Paste did exist, I could kill two birds with one stone (I hate that metaphor - someone want to enlighten me to another one that means the same thing without animal cruelty?)  I could entertain my toddler and get her butt cleaned and protected from the evil mini-poopies.  In the overloaded but much needed universe of diaper ointments, powders and creams, there is actually still room left in that market.  Sanrio, meet Boudreaux, your new best friend.

No news yet as to the real culprit behind the mini-poopies (please someone pray for us it's not the Yo Baby - she cries for Yo Baby at least three times a day on the BRAT diet), but so far the squirt bottle, Puffs with aloe, Caldesene Powder, Desitin and Triple Paste are helping.  Actually, I feel lucky we've made it almost two years with only minor diaper rash.  Still, it's no picnic.