I Use TV/Computer for Babysitting

While the debate is rages on about how much screen time kids should have, secret discussions go on between moms who have three or more kids (or moms who work). The information shared includes how to keep kids busy for about one hour so mom can shower before school, cook dinner, do a quick check for email, rest on the sofa or, for mom bloggers, fit in a quick post after a moment of inspiration. And one popular option is screen time.

We can't just send our kids out into the neighborhood to play like our moms did when we were kids. It is now too dangerous for kids to walk out the front door alone. We have spent hours playing board games, making crafts, getting our kids off the couch to play sports, organizing pedal car races and building legos together.  As a survival tactic, we have also searched for ways to have reliable quiet time - when live babysitters are not an option.

So, I laugh at those moms who are incensed by Baby Einstein shows because I use the older version ("Little Einstein") to keep my four year old twins in one place while I shower in the morning or get lunch ready. But I also laugh at anyone who associates "smart" and videos in the same sentence. I do not object if my kids learn that rojo is red in Spanish by watching Go Diego Go. Or practice phonics with a green leapfrog.  I do not object to anything that is non-violent for screen time (including playstation) if it means my child can have a playdate afterschool at a friend's house while I attend a work conference. I spend any free moment I have during the day making sure my kids have the proper stimulation with classes, sports, playdates, reading and playtime with mom. I don't have televisions in my childrens' room. But I realize that there are times when mom needs downtime, so limited screen time can be a helpful babysitter.

Here it is, I said it "I AM A MOM WITH THREE YOUNG BOYS WHO USES TV/COMPUTER FOR BABYSITTING AND AM PROUD OF IT!". Phew, that feels better to get that out. If Bill Gates allows his children 45 minutes per day, then why can't I (well, maybe an hour or so)? For busier days, maybe just a little bit more. I say bring on those educational videos, select TIVO recorded shows, click on websites like funbrain.com or even spend some time with Lego Star Wars on a playstation.

For those perfect moms with perfect kids who never, ever use screen time for babysitting because their kids entertain themselves for hours without a peep, I say good for you. I have nothing against you, just please don't brag. My kids entertain themselves for long periods of time without the TV, but timing is everything..... Multiple kids in the house presents greater opportunities for sibling arguments or for general trouble. And whatever moms with multiple kids need to do to maintain sanity in their house for their families and themselves is worth alittle screen time now and then....

Beth Blecherman has a personal blog Techmamas.com

Comments

[stephv]

Right on. I have two boys with the energy of twelve. As for the "perfect moms", I had one "friend" who told me her daughter never had a Happy Meal-and, one day when we were out with a group that stopped at McD's, her daughter plucked a toy out of her bag and said "Oh,I never got this one before.." Busted. C'mon now, why the pretend games? Admitting the occasional snapshots of "imperfection" (i.e. being human) makes us well..real. And-no one really cares if the fabric in your childs outfit was hand-loomed in an exotic locale.
The "friends" who notice such things are not friends.

[Rachel]

I am curious about your comment about not being able to let kids out to play like our moms did. What has changed since we were kids that makes it so dangerous to go outside? Are there actually higher kidnapping/child predator statistics, or has the media just blown things way out of proportion?

By the way, I completely understand how this is just not an option for kids younger than 8ish, and I have no problems with TV, either.

My daughter is two and I would really like her to have the same endless summer days that I had running around with my friends.

[Beth B.]

Rachel - Good point: "What has changed?"
I wish things were the same, but things have changed since I was a child. We lived in an apartment complex in Philadelphia - and my mom allowed me to hang out with the neighborhood kids a night within the complex - with no adults around. We were the same age as my son (8). We had a great time collecting fire flies and roaming around. But I would NEVER let my 8 year old son roam around with his friends by himself. I can not even let him play in the front yard alone - there always needs to be an adult monitoring things. Maybe when he is older I would feel more comfortable, but for now I do not.
The danger? I can't put it into words, but I just don't feel comfortable leaving younger kids unsupervised. I wonder how other people feel about this?

[thordora]

My mother was at home with me as a young child, and wasn't trying to do 400 things at once, including a full time job at home part of the time. If we didn't use the TV, we'd never get anything done.

I don't feel guilty about it. Knowing what I do about some other mothers, I'm a SOOOO not the only one using more than a certain alloted time per day.2 kids under 4 and no help for half the year while working full time, my husband part time on opposite shifts makes life a lot more complicated than I remember my mother's being.

[Tekla Nee]

I definitely let my 8 year old out to roam the block with other kids sort of unsupervised (they don't cross the street and stay within shouting distance, and I do keep the door open and an ear out). A former neighbor used to kick her kids outside when she was working (basically every day after school) and didn't let them back in until she quit for the day, at ages 5 and 7 or thereabouts. They could amuse themselves for hours; they didn't seem like they were in any danger. I try to follow her example and kick my eight-year-old out as often as possible. He resists, he'd often rather play computer games. But I'll never forget the first time, having moved from San Francisco to the burbs with a 2 1/2 year old, that I was able to yell "go outside and play!" Really, it felt soooo goood. You really ought to try it, the world isn't such a dangerous place.

[bonggamom]

I hear you.... sorry if that makes me a bad/selfish parent but I do use TV as a babysitter too, with 3-year-old twin boys who are with me all day (no preschool till September), TV is just one of the many ways I keep them entertained, along with outdoor play, legos, crafts, stories, music, etc... Hey, it's a loong day when you're a 3-year-old.

[CrankMama]

A to the MEN sister!

[Bex]

Man, let's all just get on with it! Need TV? Use TV. Need frozen pizza on "busy night"? Eat frozen pizza. Breast fed baby hungry while out & about? Simple, FEED BABY! Arrrrgggghhhhh! As you can tell I'm over feeling guilty about every move I make. I've decided to work really hard on not feeling guilty anymore. Now go kiss ya kids.

[lisa]

I completely agree with you! I have no shame in letting my 3 year old watch TV. I usually have it on all day, although he doesn't watch it all day. He'll sit and watch maybe 10 mins, get up, go play, bug me, make a mess, then go back to the tv for another 10. Big deal. Like we need another shot of maternal guilt in todays "perfect mom world"

[stephv]

I think we women are our own worst enemies. The "perfect mom" is born out of trying to outdo one another. We can yadda on about "poor self esteem" and "guilt" but who is imposing it? The friend who you think does things effortlessly or the inner voice that says "I'm not good enough." You are; and then some.
Mommystuff..the big ole' bad media laps it up like a Retriever on a hot summer day.

[coffeequeen]

I am right there with you. Without TV to help me get things done, this household would come to a grinding halt.

I don't envision there ever being a time when I can let my kids play outside unsupervised. We have a sex offender in our neighborhood, so I even worry about the kids playing in the backyard.

[Beth B.]

I see alot of comments about mom guilt. That made me think of the fact that I breastfeed my first son exclusively for 9 months - and my twins were breast and bottlefed from the beginning - with more formula then breastmilk (hey - twin babies boys were hungary!).
My breastfeed exclusively son has TONS of allergies (and I don't) while my mostly formula feed twins have NO allergies. So, in my eyes that also takes all mom guilt away from using formula!!! Take that mom guilt awayyyyyyyy.........

[Lisa]

I suspect that our grandparents used the radio for babysitting...and our great-grandparents used, oh I don't know, the antics of the townsfolk gathered around the town square...and out great-great-grandparents used, maybe the barn or field or watering hole on the farm....Every parent needs something to keep the kiddies spellbound while tossing together some tacos (or some stew or a side of beef). And why is it that all those moms out there who say "my kids don't watch TV" happen to know the names of all the characters on all those kiddie TV shows? Hmmmm?