Nanny Poaching

    The local mothers' club--excuse me, parents' club--is all a-fuss because one member poached another member's nanny by offering her a full-time job, causing member number one to lose her date time and personal time. They're going to write a policy stating that club members shouldn't poach nannies.

    Ooohh, that'll stop it! (I should point out that we're talking about an organization with nearly two thousand members, not half a dozen.)

    Now I've had a nanny poached right out of my front yard. By a neighbor two doors down. It destroyed my life for several months; it left what I think is a lasting impact on my daughter. The scenario--we went on a nearly three week vacation; we returned and gave nanny of two years her back pay (we always paid year round, no matter where we were). The next day she quit, telling me her husband had decided while she was home on vacation that he didn't want her working anymore. A week later I spotted her pushing the neighbor's kid in a stroller. When said neighbor got home, I knocked on the door and confronted her. She said that the nanny had mentioned to her that she'd like a shorter day--one hour shorter--and she was happy to offer her that. She didn't apologize. I never spoke to her again.

    Oh, and had the nanny ever asked me for shorter hours? Uh, no.

    Meanwhile, after three weeks away, of course, I couldn't take any more time off from work to try to make a smooth transition happen; a friend was heading out on vacation, she lent her nanny to me while I started the nanny hunt. My daughter spent the better part of a month sobbing her eyes out not understanding why this person she had been so close to dropped out of her life. And since then the world has not been the safe sunny relaxing place for my daughter that it had been previously.

    Nanny pickings were slim that summer, we took the best of the bunch, honest, reliable, but not all that great at understanding a two-year-old's emotions. OK, as Princess Di would say, "thick as a plank." Not to mention that two is not a great time to change nannies; it's best for a nanny to know a kid for a while before said kid turns into a "charming" two year old. Nine months later we threw in the towel and opted for full-time preschool.

    So yeah, I'd like nanny poachers to be tied to a play structure so I could pelt them with playdough until they begged for mercy. But it ain't gonna happen.

    Go to a park some time. A city park. A busy city park with lots of nannies. You might see a mom with a new baby sitting on a bench. She's not out to enjoy the sun, she's on a scouting mission, looking for her targets. She may be a completely ethical person in every other area of her life, but this is her kid she's thinking about, and if she's trying to find someone to take care of her kid, she figures all's fair.

     I say it's mom beware, and no mothers' club policy is going to change that. You send out an email offering your nanny up for one day a week, face it, you might lose her. You might lose her if she goes to the park, a baby music class, the corner store--those venues aren't posted no-poaching. And if you do lose her, and a neighbor's nanny is on vacation, don't tell me she's not going to look awfully tempting to you. Forget the mommywars; the real carnage is in the nanny wars, and I've got the scars to prove it.