In Support for Melissa Summers

Last night I was searching through the Silicon Valley Moms Blog statistics (that shows how many and who came to visit the blog, including those that clicked over from google searches). Jill and I are the stat addicts of the blog.  I saw a very interesting google search with these key words: "Meredith Vieira   Melissa Summers" . Hmmm, I wondered why someone was googling one of the co-hosts of The Today Show and the blogger that writes Suburban Bliss in the same search?

I imagine that the person who performed that search came over to our blog because I had posted twice on Meredith Vieira back in August. One talking about how Meredith Vieira is a good role model for a mom taking time off for family and then returning to work and then the other had words of support for Meredith Vieira while some other bloggers said she was not really opting out because she had such a big bank account. I thought it was demeaning to unfairly critize a mom like that. Little did I know that the tables would be turning....

Last week was a tough week for me, I had to pull one of my twins out of a duck pond. While recovering from that, I did not have the time to read some of my other favorite mom blogs as usual. After that odd google search, I decided to read Surburban Bliss, CityMama, State of Grace, Maya's Mom and The Zero Boss to find out what is going on. I don't have time for TV in the morning so I completely missed out on the saga of the Cocktail Playdates.  It turns out the media is frothing over the concept of cocktail playdates, where juice boxes are sitting near bottles of chardonnay. Melissa Summers was invited to appear on the Today Show to discuss the issue (blogging baby provided the following link to view the video).

Ok, let me first say this is a non issue.  Moms with bottles of chardonnay are not running rampant on our playgrounds.   Second, Melissa Summers was ambushed and it could have happened to any of my blog sisters so that makes me mad!  Most bloggers are real people who don't have PR agents to help them navigate these murky waters. How could they not explain to Melissa before she organized babysitting (oops, I need to be careful using that word) and all the other things moms need to do to hop on a plane to appear on the show that it was going to be a faux debate? I think Melissa stated it appropriately:

".......If I had known this would be some sort of faux debate I would not have agreed to appear with a f**  psychologist with plenty of television experience as my opponent. This was unfair and you know it and that is why I was never informed this was a debate.   
Would I have had the same discussion with another blogger who thinks it's not a good idea to drink at playgroups? Yes absolutely. We may have been on equal footing in that way. A blogger may have been able to actually say something of value or entertainment because we are not trained in the ways of traditional media. Which for Dr Janet Taylor means saying the same thing over and over without ever really saying anything of value. "

It would be interesting to have an authentic conversation on healthy ways for moms to socialize. The key words are authentic and conversation (meaning a two way discussion). And it is ok if everyone does not agree. But it is not ok to unfairly criticize moms as CityMama stated:

"And people that criticize moms who drink responsibly because we're adults, are just looking for an excuse to criticize, well, anything."

State of Grace discussed that bloggers should be media savvy.  I agree but how about also setting some ground rules for mainstream media (MSM): Bloggers have authentic discussions, so if you want to get someone to stand in for a faux debate, please look elsewhere. MSM is a great source of information. Our blog has received calls from newspapers and, so far, we have had positive experiences. I can not live without my daily dose of my favorite newspaper sites. But lets not confuse the two. Blogs are fresh opinions, and that is also something I can't live without.

And by the way, Melissa, you did look fabulous and handled yourself well.

 

Comments

[Pamela Hornik]

I did not see the show-- but read all about it. I think the media likes to criticize Moms. Hey, they will do anything to stir a controversy for ratings. I am happy to share a glass of wine while the kids play any day. Such a non issue when there are real issues facing women all over the world. Shame on the Today show.

[Susie]

I agree with Pamela. Having a glass of wine at an evening playdate is such a non story and if we can't do that - what can we do?

[Pamela Hornik]

Now I read the link on Melissa's site and I am pissed. We should all write/ e-mail the TODAY show and tell Meredith Viera where to go. Moms are not babysitters, and if we want a grown up drink, not a juice box, we should be allowed.I used to like her. Not anymore.

[MelissaS]

I organized not just one set of two day child care. I did it 4 times as they changed the dates.

(They even suggested I just "bring the kids"....Oh wow, I can't imagine anything better than travelling with my 5 and 8 year old and then going on live television for the first time. My kids are good but uh, about as freaked out by new situations as I am.)

Probably that's all I'm pissed about.

[Jill Asher]

Shame on you Meredith Vieira! That sounded awful for Melissa! Now I am off to support our fellow Mommy Bloggers!!!!! Maybe we can start spamming her on ClubMom?????

[Beth B.]

I think if we can do anything it would be to try to educate some talk shows on what a blog is and that bloggers have authentic conversations, with just alittle humor thrown in to add some flavor. And hope that the viewers will want to see that type of dialogue instead of staged media frenzies. Now that I have had a taste of blogging, I would rather see the real thing myself.

[Hans Lys]

Hi moms ;) Nice mention of The Today Show. We just linked to your post now from our homepage http://www-todayshow.com/

Thank you.

[BirdieRoark]

How is this any different that having a glass of wine in front of your kids at dinner, or drinking at the neighborhood barbeque? I just don't get it. I'll admit that I never even heard of cocktail playdates before this - which puts me in complete agreement with Pamela - this is a total non issue.

And for the record, Ms. Viera looks like a complete lush. I've never liked her since the day she told everyone on the first season of the View that she doesn't wear underwear.

[stephv]

EEEWWWWWW! Too much information ,"celebrities" of the world. I think that women feeling relaxed/proud of their "empowerment" (or whatever the hell you want to call it) is being taken to a new extreme! How many men do you hear say this type of stuff-or are caught by the paparazzi displaying their..uh..family jewels?

[Courtney Caccia]

I saw that particular interview and was as appalled at the treatment of Melissa Summers as you were. She was clearly ambushed.
When Meredith V smugly suggested that there was no difference between a mom having a glass of wine on a playdate and a babysitter, Melissa's response was spot-on. I congratulate her for her grace under pressure and her tenacity in sticking to her beliefs. Go have a cocktail, Melissa!

[Glennia]

I suppose that if you take the doctor's "concerns" to their logical extreme, we should be having playdates at the Betty Ford Clinic. My parents often had backyard barbecues where alcohol was served, and no one got hurt except for some charred meat now and then. I don't think the press ever showed up.

[Jen G]

Another voice in support of Melissa. I can not believe they ambushed her like that. She has more grace in her well shod heel than that whole staff does. Horrible.

From a mom who enjoys a cocktail now and then and managed to remain upright.

Jen

[kimberly/Tippy Toes]

I totally agree with Beth! I read Melissa's blog and have been following all of this and am disgusted. Melissa did better than I would have - I would have responded like a child shouting "You both have nannies! Shut up!"

Now I'm off to plan our playgroup's very popular monthly pizza and wine night...don't tell the Today Show.

[Beth B.]

The psychologist somehow forgot to mention that DADS should never ever ever have a beer in front of their kids (yes, even one). I am sure that would have gone over well. And just in time for Superbowl Sunday.

The Europeans are laughing at us over this one.

[Beth B.]

Oh, and it is also worth mentioning how they introduced the cocktail playdate segment:

"tots and tonic, cocktails and chaos or booze and babies...... afternoon with three stay at home moms is a cocktail hour". Yikes! Did they miss that the women were talking about ONE glass of wine. Another reason for the Europeans to laugh at us....

[Cathy]

I am going to suggest to my Saturday playgroup that we have a glass of wine this week in solidarity with Melissa, and all of the other sensible drinking mums in this country. As a European this completely kills me!

[Jill Asher]

You know, the more I think about this - the angrier I am getting.

I rarely drink (because I am a total light weight and one glass of wine would put me to sleep). But if I am going to take my girls on a playdate and other mother's are socializing and having a glass of wine - I would be thrilled that they have a moment of "down" time, acting like an adult.

What about going over to someone's house for dinner? Are we not suppose to drink? What about Dad's hanging around, watching a football game & drinking a beer? Is that wrong? Hello - we can be BOTH an adult and a responsible caregiver with a glass of wine (unless you are me!). THERE IS A HUGE F***KING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GLASS OF WINE AND BINGE DRINKING!!!!!

This is so blown out of proportion! Oh, and Meredith - please tell me the that YOU (high and mighty tv personality with a huge staff to take care of your kids) NEVER had a glass of wine in their presense? Please.....

Guess what Meredith? We are so OVER! I no longer will watch your show! HAH! Hello Good Morning America!!!

[Mom101]

I was not surprised one bit by the role they had Melissa assume. However what did suprise me is that they didn't ask one probing question of the opposing pov - like, "do you feel that hiding wine from your children presents a bad message about responsible drinking?"

Or, "is it hard to raise four kids with that stick up your bottom?"

You know...something. Anything.

[Martha Feingold]

I occasionally do media-training in my job, and have also done it on a pro-bono basis for people campaigning for causes I believe in. I wouldn't have had Melissa present herself any differently - she was natural and sincere and presented her points perfectly. The good doctor was indeed a one-note stick-in-the mud (or butt as Jen so eloquenty puts it). It is such classic tabloid TV to take a non-issue and try to turn it into something. But I agree the biggest disappointment is Meredith Viera, and I hope she's beating herself up for the babysitter question.

[Mrs. Chicken]

This whole thing is so out of hand. Is it OK for dads to have a beer after work? And blindsiding ANYONE like that on national TV - let alone a respected writer like Melissa - is not OK.

The Today Show is not journalism. It is the "Family Circle" of news magazines. Silly.

[Christopher Johnston]

As a dad and a lifelong resident of New Orleans I don't see the big deal. Maybe our attitude towards adult beverages is a little different down here, but I buy beer for the adults at a kids birthday party. No one has ever complained.
I do think it was irresponsible of the media to ambush someone like that on a "news" program. If this had been Jerry Springer fine, but programs that want to be taken seriously need to be careful about taking advantage of their guest and thereby alienating a large segment of the viewer base.