Spank This

Let me just get this out there: I have spanked my kid.

To clarify, I don’t actually believe in spanking as an effective long term means of discipline or teaching. For the most part, I think that positive reinforcement, redirection, and other tools are better solutions for imparting lessons of self-control and cooperation in toddlers. However, there have been a couple of occasions in which instinct took over and I smacked my daughter on the back of her hand or on her diaper-cushioned bottom.

By spanking, I am not talking about those situations when parents haul off and punch their kids or do some permanent physical damage. Instead, I am talking about those times when you just don’t know any other way to make a significant impression on your kid –- like when she tries to run out into the street (after you’ve just pulled her away from the curb two minutes ago), or reaches out to touch a hot stove (even after you’ve redirected her several times). At least in my case, these are times when the primal need to protect her and be in control took over -– and on these occasions, that need manifested itself as force. And, I am not proud of this. I admit that there are better ways and that there are times that I could be a better parent. But, I do my best. And on these occasions, I’ve gotten down on my knees and apologized to my daughter and explained why Mommy did what she did, and why it was wrong. Lesson learned for both of us.

Now, if Assemblywoman Sally Lieber (D-Mountain View) gets her way, I could be convicted for a misdemeanor offense and spend up to one year in jail. This is the proposed bill that would make California the first state in the country to outlaw spanking of children three years old and younger. I consider myself to be pretty bleeding-heart, but I think this is ridiculous.  If I understand it correctly, in smacking my two-and-a-half-year old on the back of the hand, I would be lumped together with some woman who wallops her one-year old in the head or hits her toddler with a closed fist. That seems extreme to me. Most moms I know don’t believe in spanking –- and most have resorted to it on at least one occasion. And none of them deserve a misdemeanor for it.

The thing that really bothers me about this is that it could open the door for all kinds of legislation promoting one parenting philosophy versus another.  Most experts agree that breastfeeding is nutritionally optimal for a newborn.  Should we legislate that?  If you decide not to breastfeed your kid, should you be in violation of the law?  What happens to those women who for one reason or another are physically unable to breastfeed?  Do they get a special dispensation by the state?  What’s that process bound to be like?  What about co-sleeping?  Critics claim that infants are in danger of injury or death by co-sleeping with parents.  What if the state of California decides to come down on one side or the other on that debate?  And who should get the misdemeanor –- the parent who adds to landfill by using disposable diapers or the parent who wastes water by constantly washing cloth diapers?  What about those parents who let their kids have bottles full of milk in their cribs?  Or those who let their kids watch television?  Criminals, all of them.

Not to be disingenuous here -– I know that child abuse is a serious issue. But, would this legislation really tackle that problem? I don’t think so. Perhaps we could use our resources to actually educate those parents most at risk for hurting their children. I believe that most people spanking their kids are well-meaning and generally good parents.  I, myself, was spanked as a kid, and I don’t think there are any long term effects on my self-esteem or psyche.  And, I think that for most people that’s the case -- generally, the determination of a "good" or "bad" parent isn't based solely on one issue.  Again, I do not promote spanking as a means of discipline, but I stand by my right to make that decision on my own and not to have the state of California or Assemblywoman Lieber make it for me.