Silicon Valley Moms Blog

C'mon Summer, Slow Down

I'm sitting in my husband's comfy chair and I have about three hours to myself.  Sure I need to go to the grocery, fold three loads of laundry, empty the dishwasher, shower, get dressed and look for a job. The house is clean and the kids are playing soccer, what more could I ask? 

I was actually quite worried about this summer stuck in the bay area. 

This is the first summer I've had a summer "off" in twenty two years. I'm jumping on the recession friendly carefree summer bandwagon, barring a few swimming and skateboard lessons and Y camps for my kids.  I had a vision: entire days being taken up with skateboarding, soccer and guitar hero (I know there are worse things), so I wrote up a list of 50 activities from which to choose.  I scoured the local Silicon Valley sites: Savvy Source page for parks with water play areas and creeks and budgeted in theme parks such as Great America and Santa Cruz Beach boardwalk.  I included educational activities like math games, reading time at the library and create your own books, plus promised trips to Monterey Bay Aquarium and CA Academy of Sciences. 

Yet, I worrry. How do I make time for networking and focus on the job search?  I planned to take the summer off, but I really need to be in the work force this fall. 

Vacation Food Pyramid

It's summer in the northern hemisphere! (I have to qualify that for my South American, South African, Australian, and other souther hemispherean readers)

And summertime means vacation. Whether you're running around Europe, exploring Asia, or relaxing in Fiji, you're probably quite happy leaving the cooking to chefs. After all, unless you're camping, who wants a vacation where you're preparing meals and cleaning up after yourself?

Um....my brothers and me? In recent years, our families have gotten together for a week during the summer to lounge in a big house and let the kids run wild.  The adults sip gin and tonics or whatever cocktail, and everyone enjoys tons of food. Vacation is our time to get creative with meal planning.

One thing is constant during these trips - we stick to the vacation food pyramid.

Losing With Tears

We just finished another night of family games which, as many times before, ended in one of our twins breaking down in a sobbing fit that she didn’t win. <heavy sigh> We started this ritual a few months ago after I was on a week-long business trip missing my family. One night while away, I started thinking about how quickly our girls were growing up. We’d gone from infants needing our constant attention for their survival to toddlers requiring constant supervision for their safety to preschoolers needing less and less of our presence. We now have budding Kindergarteners who insist on doing everything themselves. While we’re lucky to have twins who can play with each other most of the time quite peacefully, we realized that the day when they won’t want to hang out with us parents is looming in the horizon. So, we instituted family game night and our girls LOVE it as do we…until the end…when there is a loser. And that loser is one of our girls.

Please tell me this is a phase. I don’t know how many times we’ve explained to each of them that it’s great to win but one cannot always win. We’ve given the “if you’ve done your best, that’s all that counts” kinda talk; explained the idea of chance (cards and board games); talked about how “sore” losers are no fun to play with; encouraged the thought that winning is great but losing with grace is just as important, etc. etc. etc. We try to play games multiple times so that more than one person has a chance to win. However, we don’t let anyone win just so they’ll feel good. We think that’s disingenuous and unfair. I mean, they’re playing games now at preschool and summer camps and they’ve got to learn how to win [without gloating] and lose [without crying].

What summer is all about

“Mom,” my 10-year-old said to me the other day, “for the first time I know what summer is all about.”

I knew exactly what he meant. And I felt both glad—he should know what summer is all about—and guilty. Did it really have to wait until he was ten—almost eleven?

Well, yeah, actually, it did. Because what he’s talking about is freedom, and hanging out with friends, and playing outside and sometimes losing track of the time and being late for dinner. And until this summer, that option just wasn’t available.

Until this summer, as a mom who works full-time for a salary (there is no good buzzword for any of this. WOHM just doesn’t work for me), I put the kid in camps. I had an amazingly complicated multicolor calendar representing a patched-together summer of sports camps and art camps and drama camps and carpools.

Last summer, I left one week open as an experiment. It was a week during which I had no business travel plans, and he had siblings around to keep an eye on him in case I had meetings; otherwise, I’d be working in my home office. I thought we’d fill it with playdates. It was a disaster; all his friends were fully booked or out of town; he was bored and miserable and spent way too much time on the computer.

This summer, things have changed. For one, he’s going into sixth grade. That means I regularly leave him home alone for bits and pieces of time without worrying that he’ll wreck the house or starve to death. It also means he has a longer leash—he’s now allowed to go to a nearby playground on his own and to go downtown on occasion (during daylight and with a friend; and yes, I know not everyone agrees with this long a leash). (Of course, that usually means a stop on the Apple store where, again, he spends too much time on the computer.)

Drawing the Line on Swag

I have a rule.  Whatever freebies I bring home from a conference must be used up, given away, or recycled by the time the next year’s conference rolls around.  All the good stuff gets enjoyed quickly, so there's no pretending that I’ll get around to trying the the remainders. That means I’ve got about three weeks left to clear out the BlogHer ’08 swag.

Looking through the swag bag, I’m realizing that I went nuts last summer and picked up too many things, lured by the siren call of FREE.

Why did I ever take the cheapo manicure kit?  Did I ever think I was going to have time to try the tooth whitener?  I will never get around to studying the Accounting Essentials pamphlet.  I will never send away for the free underwear.  I will never read the August 2008 issue of Redbook, aside from the article on inspiring bloggers. The Online Family Safety guide will be obsolete by the time my four year old is allowed to play on the computer unsupervised.

Celebrating Jedi Training

My-5 year-old is really into Star Wars. No. Really. He says he is growing up to be a Jedi. And who can blame him? Jedis are pretty cool. Defenders of peace and justice in the galaxy, they use the force for defense, never for attack (that is straight from the Jedi training oath, by the way). We knew about Jedi training at Disneyland when we took a trip last year, but he was a bit young then at 4 years old. He did pick out a Jedi Training t-shirt and has been talking about it....since then.

This year, when we went for a family trip and for me to attend the Celebrate Mom's event put on by Macy's and Disney, he was ready. Well...sort of. Ben is not a big fan of the limelight sometimes. You just never know how it will go. When we arrived for the 3:30 show in Tomorrowland, he was pumped though. He jumped up and down, signifying his readiness for training. The show was really cool and really dramatic - the Jedis come out in hooded cloaks (think Obi-Wan Kenobi from the first Star Wars...well, the 4th Star Wars actually. Yes, I'm old school. Star Wars: A New Hope was the first movie I ever saw as a kid in the movie theaters). They are very serious, they scan the crowd for those strong in the force, select about 20 kids, invite them to don Padawan robes, and give them (training) light sabers. Sadly, Ben wasn't selected...but he was fine with it. He sat down and watched while the little Jedis were put through the moves with their light sabers. There was a "disturbance in the force," storm troopers came running out and the whole stage floor rose up to reveal Darth Vader and Darth Maul, who the kids then had to fight to complete their training. Pretty intimidating stuff. 

My-5 year-old is really into Star Wars. No. Really. He says he is growing up to be a Jedi. And who can blame him? Jedis are pretty cool. Defenders of peace and justice in the galaxy, they use the force for defense, never for attack (that is straight from the Jedi training oath, by the way). We knew about Jedi training at Disneyland when we took a trip last year, but he was a bit young then at 4 years old. He did pick out a Jedi Training t-shirt and has been talking about it....since then.

This year, when we went for a family trip and for me to attend the Celebrate Mom's event put on by Macy's and Disney, he was ready. Well...sort of. Ben is not a big fan of the limelight sometimes. You just never know how it will go. When we arrived for the 3:30 show in Tomorrowland, he was pumped though. He jumped up and down, signifying his readiness for training. The show was really cool and really dramatic - the Jedis come out in hooded cloaks (think Obi-Wan Kenobi from the first Star Wars...well, the 4th Star Wars actually. Yes, I'm old school. Star Wars: A New Hope was the first movie I ever saw as a kid in the movie theaters). They are very serious, they scan the crowd for those strong in the force, select about 20 kids, invite them to don Padawan robes, and give them (training) light sabers. Sadly, Ben wasn't selected...but he was fine with it. He sat down and watched while the little Jedis were put through the moves with their light sabers. There was a "disturbance in the force," storm troopers came running out and the whole stage floor rose up to reveal Darth Vader and Darth Maul, who the kids then had to fight to complete their training. Pretty intimidating stuff. 

Jenny Sanford, kick that lout to the curb!

When I started writing this post, I really wanted to like Jenny Sanford, First Lady of South Carolina.  There is a lot to like about her: she was an accomplished businesswoman before she managed her husband’s political campaigns, and now she is mother to four sons, her husband’s top political adviser, and a healthy-lifestyle activist.  I liked her even more when I watched her husband, SC Governor Mark Sanford, deliver his tearful speech admitting to marital infidelity without her by his side.  Her excuse?  “His career is not a concern of mine.”  She looks out for her dignity and for the protection of her family’s character, and she wasn’t going to stand there while her husband undermined all of that.  She had already kicked him out for a trial separation, so I thought: here’s a different kind of First Lady, one who is not going to give her husband a free pass for infidelity.  Jenny Sanford indicated that she and her children would live fine lives with our without Mark Sanford in it.   I was ready to sport a Jenny Sanford for Governor of SC sticker on my minivan!

Yet as this story unfolded, it turns out that there is little difference between Jenny Sanford and all of the political wives who have come before: Hillary Clinton, former Idaho Senator Larry Craig’s wife Suzanne Thompson, former New York Governor Elliott Spitzer’s wife Silda Wall Spitzer, and Elizabeth Edwards, to name a few.  Like these political wives, Jenny Sanford appears to wish to remain married to her roving husband, whose version of  “hiking the Appalachian trail” is apparently code for “having extramarital sex with my Argentinian lover.” 

Jon & Kate's Divorce: Not Just Another Tabloid Story

The Jon & Kate implosion has been a lovefest to tabloid writers, ever since rumors of Jon's extramarital trists hit the newsstands.  I've never watched the show, but I got the cliff notes by catching the headlines at the checkout line and posts across the blogsphere.   Pretty soon, with a gazillion voices reporting the same worn out drama, my soap-opera curiosity fizzled out on Jon & Kate.  Puh-leeze.  Can everybody just get a real life?  Hello.  It's reality TV.

My snub on all the drama came to a jarring halt last Monday, when Jon & Kate announced they were separating.  Divorced. 

The media focused their headlines on the breakup of Jon & Kate's marriage.  But, a different headline flashed across my mind:  Their family is broken up. The children are going to suffer.

Having never seen an episode, I was crying telling my husband about it later that night.  It's not because I was bonded to any of the characters.  My sobs came from a dark and terrifying place I thought I had long left behind.

Triple Graduation

It began over 17 years ago, when the new guard took hold and my life was changed for the better. In six years I had three daughters, a miscarriage in-between my second and third. At the time, we didn't think about the spacing once they started school, but fast forward to the present and we experienced three graduations in the span of 24 hours.

My 17-year old just graduated from high school, my 14-year old from middle school, and my 11-year old from elementary school. What a major milestone this year is for each of them. And this is one HUGE leap for me. It marks the beginning of the empty nest, when one will soon fly away to college and live in a dorm, one bedroom becomes quieter, for a while anyway. It doesn't quite become a spare room, not until another 4 or 5 years from now.

I am NOT a Happy Camper -- On Peeing In The Woods

I am not a happy camper. And I don't mean that figuratively. I'm really not good at it. I don't hate the outdoors--much to the contrary. I just know too much about what's out there. And what I don't know for sure, my imagination fills in. With little kids in tow, it scares the hell out of me.

Recently, my daughter's Daisy Girl Scouts troop decided to have a camp-out at Foothills Park. I'd never been there, but figured if it was still within the Palo Alto City limits, no more than a fifteen minute drive to a Starbucks, then it couldn't be that wild. A good experience for the kiddies, who'd never slept in a tent before, and a worthy excuse for my husband to buy an axe and act manly on Father's Day weekend. He was totally into it.

Testimony by Anita Shreve: A Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club

This month, for Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers' monthly book club, we read a novel that many of us, as mothers, found tough to read. But probably every mother should read it. And their teenagers too - especially their teenagers.

Join in as Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers discuss the book Testimony by Anita Shreve.

• DC Metro Moms Blog's Amy G. leads us off with hoping she has done enough
• Wife and Mommy from Wife and Mommy thinks of all the moments she knew her life would never be the same
• Jennifer from Connect with your Teens discusses the ramifications and repercussions of teenage drinking
• Melanie from Tales from the Crib forecasts the future
• Bonggamom from Finding Bonggamom remembers temptation
• The Fabulous Miss S from Fabulous Miss S screamed in her head "No! Don't do it!"
• Silicon Valley Diva from Blog on the Wall shudders when she thinks back to her teenage years
• Kim from Passion & Art says no one asks to be raped
• Chefdruck from Chefdruck Musings gives her own testimony
• Jessica from It's My Life thinks about when the best isn't the best after all
• Robin from Who's the Boss gives her testimony
• Gayle from Everyday I Write the Book reviews Testimony
• Christina from The Carpool Reader goes through the evolution of a marriage
• Linsey from Me Too You is glad she got caught

More posts will be put up throughout the day on our writer's personal sites, so be sure to check back to follow along.

.... and if you have a post up on YOUR personal site on this topic, please leave a comment here and we will add your link!

About the book - from the publisher Hachette Book Group:

At a New England boarding school, a sex scandal is about to break. Even more shocking than the sexual acts themselves is the fact that they were caught on videotape. A Pandora's box of revelations, the tape triggers a chorus of voices--those of the men, women, teenagers, and parents involved in the scandal--that details the ways in which lives can be derailed or destroyed in one foolish moment.

Writing with a pace and intensity surpassing even her own greatest work, Anita Shreve delivers in TESTIMONY a gripping emotional drama with the impact of a thriller. No one more compellingly explores the dark impulses that sway the lives of seeming innocents, the needs and fears that drive ordinary men and women into intolerable dilemmas, and the ways in which our best intentions can lead to our worst transgressions.

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Road Frustration

I complain a lot when I drive.  About fellow drivers.  About the traffic. About the price of gas. About the idiots who threw their coke cups onto the side of the road.  My husband says I need to take it easy and chill out.  What he doesn't understand is that I am chilling out; beetching about driving is my preferred method of stress release, whatever the source; it's an indulgence just like chocolate ice cream (which I can't really eat while I'm driving anyway).

Today found me in a particularly bad mood, stressing driving through the morning rush hour to get my daughter to camp, going through my litany of road offenses like a bag of potato chips. Since my husband was at the office, I've  decided to vent to the blogosphere instead.  And rather than bore people by repeating the contents of the bad drivers post I did a couple of months ago, I've decided to focus today's complaints on the road itself: 

1)  Is the leftmost lane on the highway supposed to be the fast lane, or what?  Are drivers supposed to overtake on the left lanes, or any lane that happens to be free of cars?  Things become even more confusing when the left lane turns into a commuter lane; many is the evening my husband has come home pulling his hair out (what's left of it) because he sat behind a car on the commuter lane who was driving at a speed slower than all the rest of the non-commuter lanes.

Birthday party etiquette?

It feels like I attend a kid's birthday party every other weekend.  While I am sick of hot dogs, apple juice, and goodie bags full of crap, birthday parties actually give me the chance to spend time with my daughter and her friends. Parties give me the chance to see how she interacts with other kids, so I can do a "manners check" every once and a while.  And, most importantly, we have fun together.

All that aside, birthday parties are also an opportunity to experience other families' behaviors.  I recently attended a birthday party where some parents' behavior absolutely blew my mind.  Please, help me, I need a sanity check. Here's what happened:

My husband and I took our daughter to a classmate's fifth birthday party a few weeks ago.  The party was in a public park, where the host-mom had paid to reserve picnic tables for a group of about 60 people.  The party-spot was decorated with balloons and streamers. There was a cake and lots of food. It was completely obvious that everyone was gathered for a kid's birthday party.

Your Michael Jackson Story

I was six when Elvis died, and I don't remember the event, but now that Michael Jackson has gone, I know what Elvis' death felt like to the generation before mine. Michael's music and presence is laced throughout my childhood memories, and today I feel like gathering all other 35-40 year-olds together and doing a big old "We are the World" hug. If you are part of my generation, you have a Michael Jackson memory or story worth sharing, and I want to spend today hearing those memories. Please leave them in comments below - it's my form of a virtual "we loved MJ" group hug. Here, in case you are feeling as melancholy and thankful and nostalgic as I am today, are my memories.

When I heard the news yesterday, it was from a sixteen-year-old stranger at a water park in my home town, now filled with teens who pierce their noses and belly buttons and tattoo "Fear Love, Fear Life" and "Live Once, Love Twice" in graffiti laced with roses along their bikini bared sides and backs. In Spanish the teen relayed the news to her friends and they shrugged. I asked her "Is that true? Is it?" as my seven-year-old son stood nearby. She shrugged back and I turned to explain who Michael Jackson was to my son - a boy nearly as old as Michael was when the Jackson Five claimed their fame. A boy who would be crushed, as Michael surely nearly was, by anything approaching the kind of fame he endured.