Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Bad mommy, how dare you turn your cell phone off?

I’m old enough to remember parenting before cell phones. That is, when the elementary school had your home number and your work number, your husband’s work number, and the always-requested never-used emergency-backup-friend-or-relative number. And that was it. Back then, if your kid was feeling a little feverish at school and went to the office, they’d have the kid sit or lie somewhere to rest, would leave messages at home and work, and if you actually got the message and showed up in an hour or two, you were amazingly prompt and responsive and thank you very much. If the kid was lying on the ground bleeding, they’d call an ambulance; they wouldn’t sit by the phone expecting that you’d call back immediately.

But now, apparently, I’m supposed to be instantly, always, available for calls from the school. Yesterday I slipped out of my office during my so-called lunch hour (not that I usually go out for lunch then, a couple

Chasing Mr. David

I hesitated at first, as tends to be my tendency, standing towards the back, my old insecurities resurfacing. I wanted to dance. The music was live and it was brilliant and I'd secretly yearned to unleash the cool moves I'd practiced so many times in front of the mirror at home, starting when I was a teen. (Everyone does that, right? right?!) The stunned crowd stared motionless, electrified by the sounds of the acoustic guitar. I could feel the energy building and suddenly, we exploded into off beat movement, with some of us running in circles and some of us jumping up and down spastically. A few of us cried.

"Mommy, I'm standing on the J!" my then two-year-old son had shouted, bopping to the music.

"And I'm on the L, " his twin brother chimed in, bopping as well.

"Yes, " I'd shouted back, glancing at the circle time rug, "You certainly are!" 

Such was my introduction to the music of Bay Area family musician, Mr. David. He'd come to perform at  our old co-op preschool that day, toting a blue guitar and a bongo drum. For the briefest of moments, I was my long gone twenty-something self, dressed in black and out clubbing in San Francisco, hiding lurking

The Vaccination Question has No Easy Answers

Every day I receive reports in my email box about various autism biomed treatments or the latest cases involving vaccine-injury. CBS Evening News has an exclusive story on the second round of cases that went to court today alleging a causal relationship between child vaccination and autism cases. Meanwhile, the recent outbreak of whooping cough (pertussis) at the East Bay Waldorf School has people chattering about vaccines from a different perspective.

I usually stay silent about the various debates because I don't see a clear answer and because these issues are too close for comfort. I've experienced these questions as a parent and studied neuropharmacology, immunology, and other such subjects as a graduate student. I've been brushed off as a "desperate mother," yet have seen firsthand how environmental stimuli can play a role in characteristics that fall on the autistic spectrum.

Before I became a mother of a child diagnosed with PDD-nos, I was respected as someone with two Ivy-league degrees, one of them a Masters of Medical Science. But once my son came along, since I put him on the Feingold Diet and questioned the vaccine schedule, I became an uneducated fool in the eyes of many medical professionals.

"Non-Mom?" I Don't Think So

....cross posted from our sister site, DC Metro Moms Blog.

I've been called a lot of things in my life, some nicer than others.

But since becoming the mother of my daughter, no one has ever called me a "Non-Mom" until this weekend.  Yup, you heard me -- a big network called me a Non-Mom.  Well, not just me -- they insulted thousands of other moms, too.

As if a show produced for Mother's Day called "America's Favorite Mom" isn't bad enough -- Hey, America -- who's your most favorite-ist mother off all?? -- someone had the bright idea of dividing all the moms into categories.  You had the Working Mom.  The Military Mom.  The CEO Mom.  And then the ultra-special category just for moms like me -- the Non-Mom.

No, that's not for women who aren't moms yet.  This was a special category and name created just for moms who aren't related to their children biologically -- moms by adoption (me), step-moms (me) and foster moms.

Yup, I'm a Non-Mom.  Does that mean I don't have to cook dinner tonight or finish the laundry?

Click Here to continue reading this post on DC Metro Moms Blog........

Just Another One of Those Times I Can Count On My Girlfriends

So this is the third year in a row that my husband wasn’t around to celebrate Mother’s Day with me and our girls. It’s the same reason every year. He basically has to travel around the world for various meetings and such for work and May is the time he has to do that.

No, I don’t feel sad or resentful. He does what he has to do and Mother’s Day, well, it is a single day (he’s actually traveling for a couple weeks). However, it’s an important day to me. It’s a day to celebrate all mothers and since I’m one and I believe my own mother is rather extraordinary, I think Mother’s Day deserves its recognition. Thus like any other special day, I really feel the need to do something different than any other Sunday on any other weekend.

I'll have the champagne, the halibut...and a label maker

Yesterday I awoke to the following:

Isaac: I want to play on the computer!

J [stage whisper]:  Okay, Bean, go wish your Mommy a happy Mother's Day, then you can play on the computer.
[poundpoundpoundpoundpound down the hall]

Isaac: Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!

Me: Thank you sweetie! Can I have a hug?

Isaac: No.  [Hugs me].
[poundpoundpoundpoundpound back down the hall]

Isaac: Step one, say Happy Mother's Day to Mommy!  Step two, play on the computer!

I fell back to sleep until 9:40.  Bliss.

Not Just A Mom

It always seems around this time of the year, that I ponder the whole motherhood thing. I go back and forth between feeling powerful in the role of being a mother and powerless at how moms are perceived...But this year has been different on many levels..

Yesterday as I was talking with a group of people at a family running event, one of the dads mentioned his wife to me and said something to the effect of "Just a mom". He was actually complementing how amazing his wife was to give up a career to be a mom, but it hit a nerve with me. Feeling the power of my parent blogger network and specifically one of the pledges in the back of Maria Shriver's book "Just Who You Will Be?', I said in a clear and steady voice "Never say Just". To confirm another reason why this year is different, a fellow mom friend of mine standing in the group said "Yeah, you are talking to a mom who blogs and was just interviewed on Forbes.com".

heh.....

I wondered why it took being a gadget obsessed mom interviewed by mainstream media about being a gadget obsessed mom to feel validated on a new level. But the secret to my sense of power is not only in the interview, it is in the "Groundswell". Charlene Li a fellow Silicon Valley Moms Blogger and co-author of the book defined Groundswell as the "social trend where people use technologies to get things they need from each other, rather then from traditional institutions like corporations".

The Server is Down: My First Mother's Day

...cross posted from our sister site, Chicago Moms Blog.

Poor Kevin has had a hard time figuring out what to get me for this, my first Mother's Day as a mother.  He had planned to surprise me with a few nights at a B&B, so that I could actually write some fiction for a change -- since the semester started, I've had no time for anything other than teaching / baby / housework, and if I don't get to write fiction at least once a week, I start going a little crazy.  I get tense and angry at the world in general and Kevin in particular and sometimes I cry for no reason.  It's not good, and I keep trying to squeeze out a little time, but somehow, there just isn't any.  It's been a month since I got fiction writing done.

I should be thrilled with my life right now; I have everything I've ever wanted.  Loving partner, adorable child, part-time work I enjoy, and a passion for writing -- except that even though Kevin takes care of half the cooking, grocery shopping, dishes and childcare, there's still no time left for the passion for writing -- and there hasn't been so much time for passion with the loving partner either.  We tried scheduling Wednesday night sex, but last Wednesday I was too tired and weepy for that.  There just aren't enough hours in the day.

Click Here to continue reading this post on Chicago Moms Blog......

An Open Letter to the Chicken Nugget

....cross posted from our sister site, New Jersey Moms Blog.

Dear Chicken Nugget,

If I had to do a rough estimate, I would say that my sons have eaten a few thousand of you. Considering the fact that you make up an overwhelming percentage of their diet, I thought we should become better acquainted. First, here’s a little about me.

I never wanted to be a chicken nugget mom. In fact, I was hoping to be more of a “get your five servings of organic fruits and veggies every day no matter what or heads will roll” kind of mom. Somewhere along the line, I got terribly lost. It might have had something to do with the fact that my oldest son refused to eat anything that wasn’t you during his toddler years. I mistakenly thought that he would grow out of this phase and eventually he’d try at least one of the dozens of foods I presented to him, but I foolishly underestimated your grasp over his taste buds. For that, I am truly sorry.

Click Here to continue reading this post on New Jersey Moms Blog.....

My thoughts on the TODAY SHOW interview

Over the past few days, I have received hundreds of emails asking about my thoughts on the TODAY SHOW interview.  I actually decided to stay offline for a few days because I needed to clear my head and find the right words to share.  Just for the record, my name is NOT Maria.  My name is Jill Asher and the chyron was marked WRONG!  Ok, now that we got that out of the way, my Grandma will feel MUCH better.

I was incredibly grateful to have the opportunity to speak about "mom blogging" in such a public forum with Kristen and Mir.  Both the Today Show Producer and Reporter, Janet Shamlian were extremely professional. They filmed hours worth of quality discussion, including why we blog, the importance of community and networking among women, the opportunities that have been afforded to us because of our blogs, our challenges and fears about blogging, how we got started in this new medium, how much we want to share about our personal lives, how much we want to remain private.  It was a wonderful few hours, and no, NOT a "yap" session. Obviously, most of our discussion was cut from the segment. 

I sincerely hope we did a small part in shining a positive light on the mom blogging community (aka the Momsphere) and our sister sites. (Actually, I was praying for days prior to the show that I would not sound like a big ass!)  In the end, the segment did seem rushed.  I guess I should have known that what I envisioned would be a smart, insightful and interesting conversation about women, blogging, networking and community would turn into a few sound bites .  Yes, lesson learned in a very public way.

I also thought about sharing my thoughts on the Kathie Lee Gifford interview with Dooce, but realized our friends throughout the blogosphere did a fantastic job giving their two (or ten cents).  The blogosphere is a buzzing.....  Today Show, MSNBC Exec's, I hope that you spend some time going through these sites and listen. 

• The Huffington Post: Katie Couric Gets it.  Kathie Lee, Mmmm, Not so Much.
• Silicon Valley Moms Blog: Not Just A Mom
• BlogHer: The Business of Mommyblogging on The Today Show
• Tales From The Dad Side: TTS: The Today Show Does Mommy Blogging
• Ms. Single Mama: Kathle Lee (a.ka.a The Idiot) meets Dooce
• Shine: Mom blogging worries Kathie Lee Gifford
• Laptop Television Mom:  "The Mom Blogs" on the Today Show
• Sarah and the Goon Squad:  Today on Today
• Life In the Garden:  On Dooce
• Working Mom Against Guilt:  Mom Bloggers On Today Show
• preteens, toddlers, and newborns, oh my!:  More Cursing
• Marketing Roadmaps:  A Mother of a Day:  Mom bloggers on the Today Show and a bad-ptich-apalooza
• A Mommy Story: Did You See The "Mommy Bloggers" On The Today Show?
• BusyMom.net:  Kathie Lee Gifford gave me pinkeye
• Don't Take The Repeats:  Who exhumed Kathie Lee and put her back on tv?
• Lady M: The Today Show, Mommybloggers, and Early Experiences with the Press.
• Double Life of the Red Bull Mom:  Boooooo Kathie Lee Gifford
• Trying to Gracefully Go Thru life: No wonder she left tv
• Baby, Toddler and Beyond: Shame on Kathie Lee!
• Adventures in Juggling:  for my local friends who read the Stockton Record article and don't know about this "mommy-blogging"
• Geeksugar:  How Tech Savvy Is Your Mom
• Parentdish:  Kathie Lee Gifford "uncomfortable" with mommyblogging

(I know I am missing many posts, so please leave a comment below and I will link to you in this recap.)

This is an original post to Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

SV Pays It Forward

It's a beautiful day in Silicon Valley.  The sun is shining and the early morning air has the crispness of Spring with a hint of the warmth to come for the day.  I needed to wake up, so while the rest of the household slept, I took my youngest, Giggles, to my favorite cafe, Dana Street Roasting Company, for a rich, steamy hot chocolate, my personal version of an espresso shot.  When I pulled out my money to pay, Nick (yes, I go so often I know everyone's name), told me that someone had told him to pay for everyone's drinks this morning.  He had a stack of twenties next to him.  After my late night and the evening facing me, having my drink paid for felt like a little piece of sunshine. 

As I stood to wait for my cocoa, I watched the others in line discover they were being treated to their morning indulgence by an anonymous donor.   Reactions  ranged from dumbstruck to big smiles to cheers of "woohoo."  I was so struck by this small gesture to the community, that I started thinking about how I could use the goodwill to pay it forward and make someone else's day a little brighter.

Just another Friday night... as I ponder life.

I sit here, this Friday evening and I type.  I write.  I pray. I use this as my diving board, as I plunge into my thoughts. I am not special.  I should have known that at some point, it would be our turn to face a tough situation.  My mother has leukemia.  As I type the word "leukemia", I think that it must be another person facing this terrible diagnosis. No, not me.  Not MY family.  Isn't this suppose to happen to someone else?  Anyone else?  Maybe I have just been in the middle of a bad dream, and soon I will wake up and all will be fine.  Mom will be cancer free.

But then, shouldn't I feel lucky?  We got the word just a month ago.  A marrow match from an unrelated donor has been found.  Not only a match, but a PERFECT match, meeting ALL the markers. SHE HAS A FIGHTING CHANCE FOR A CURE.... Mom will be admitted to Stanford Hospital this Sunday and begin the immuno-suppressants.  The following week she will receive radiation and then the marrow transplant.  Ah, the perfect gift for Mother's Day.  They are going for a cure.... through the kindness of an anonymous, unrelated donor.  We have no idea who her donor is, but we have learned something very interesting about our "angel".  Her donor is a HE and HE is twenty five years old.  HE lives somewhere in the United States.  HE agreed to take medication this past week to increase his stem cells, which were removed TODAY through a blood donation. HE agreed to help save my mothers life. HE made the conscious decision to help.... And for that, words can not express how grateful we all are to this young man....

Keep saying it.  Keep thinking it.  They are going for a cure.

Katie Couric on her interview with John and Roberta McCain

...cross posted from our sister site, New York City Moms Blog.  Written by Katie Couric.

Hey, it's me again.  First, let me say to PunditMom that I'm so appreciative that you think I get it. Woo!! (Just don’t ask my kids the same question.)

I wanted to tell you about my interview with Sen. John McCain and his mother Roberta.  I must say, I've always thought that you can learn a lot about someone by talking to their mother, and that was definitely the case yesterday.  At 96, Roberta McCain is still as sharp as a tack. 

First, let me say the woman is beautiful.  She is really pretty and I hope I look that good at 56, let alone 96.

One thing that struck me, she is absolutely as straight-talking as her son.  It seems that "maverick" streak runs in the family.  As a college student, Roberta ran off to Tijuana to elope with Senator McCain's father.  She told me she took her school books with her on her honeymoon! It actually reminded me of my honeymoon. I took copies of Jane’s Defence Weekly (they spell it that way) with me because I was going to start reporting from the Pentagon when I returned. My husband told me he hoped that was not the kind of hardware I would focus on…but I digress.

(Click Here to see the YouTube video interview between Katie Couric, John McCain and Roberta McCain).

Roberta has clearly always had a lifelong quest for learning.  She loves museums, and told me that she particularly loves D.C. because the museums are open seven days a week and are completely free.  During 

Click to continue reading on New York City Moms Blog

Talking to testosterone

I live in a household of all men-except me. The positives of this arrangement are that I can decorate the house/change furniture, etc.. any old way and they wouldn't notice. Red walls-ok? No problem. Paintings on black velvet-who cares?  (Ugh-went for shock value on that one)

In essence, they only notice if the TV is obstructed or stuff is in "their room" (i.e. our sons) is messed with. In general, as long as there is food and extra rolls of toilet paper handy, they're fine. The food had to be good stuff, though. Anything from Whole Foods probably will not be touched-which is a bone of contention with me since they both have celiac disease like me. Keep feeding your little people healthy stuff by all means..but don't believe the propaganda that says that that will insulate them from becoming occasional junk food junkies. Stuff happens when they grow up. Brain wiring gets un Mom-ized.

The part that is frustrating to me is the fact that men..don't..talk. I mean, talk like I do. Give me the details in living color, please. I want to know the setting, the smells, the colors-I want an image. If I even muttered this "I want an image" line they would probably look at me like I was insane. Whaddinhelldoyamean? I know there have been a myriad of books written on the linguistic differences

My Eddie Bauer Booster Seats Were Stolen!

I was so excited to finally be able to transfer my twins to booster seats. No more lifting them into their seats--they're heavy now! After doing research I settled on two Eddie Bauer Deluxe carseats. I like the straight seatbacks. Many of the other ones had curved seatbacks. I'm thinking that can't be good for my kids' backs.

I bought them on a Sunday, and by Wednesday they were gone! I dropped my kids off at preschool then went to Valley Fair Mall (I know it's new sexy name is Westfield Valley Fair, but I still prefer to call it Valley Fair) to have my Apple Powerbook looked at. I went back to my car and noticed that the front passenger seat was full of my kids' stuff and garbage. I knew I didn't leave it that way. I turned to look into the back seat to see if there were any other messes and to my horror both carseats were gone! I could not believe it! (No, I didn't lock my car....)

Sandblasting and Extractions

For the last several months I’ve had the opportunity to go to an esthetician to get my eyebrows shaped.  As crazy as it sounds, I love this time.  I live for this half hour when I lay down on a heated table, close my eyes and have someone else fret over me. 

I call it my mini-massage.

My esthetician is a perfectionist.  She frets over a single hair.  A common conversation she has with herself over my head goes something like this, “Hmm.  Well I’m almost happy with your eyebrows… but I want to take one more hair off of this eyebrow.  But if I do that I’m afraid it will make the other eyebrow unbalanced.”

I sit there and smile.  Truth be told, I’d be perfectly happy walking out of her office each month with not a single hair left above my eyes.  Just being able to lie on her table while she manipulates my eyebrows is treat enough. 

A few months ago Sandra began telling me about a procedure called microdermabrasion.  I know all about microderm and have been itching to try it out, someday. However, when finances are tough, as they always are, it’s difficult to justify my $20 eyebrow shaping once a month, let alone this much more expensive and oh so unnecessary procedure.

The second child gets the shaft

As mother's day approaches, I will be celebrating being a mother of two.  My first mother's day, BooBoo was two weeks old.  This mother's day, she will be three and Giggles will be 8 months old.  I was looking at all the things I have collected in boxes for each girl from their birth which will some day (probably never) go into a scrapbook.  BooBoo's is the size of a medium sized moving box.  Giggle's is about the size of a shoebox.  I have been thinking about it for awhile, and you know the second child really gets the shaft.  I can say this as a second child myself.  It isn't just the hand me downs of clothes and toys.  It's everything. 

When Enough Is Enough

....cross posted from our sister site, Chicago Moms Blog.

I was watching Oprah yesterday when Barbara Walters, of all people (I can't stand her), says something that just struck me to my core. She was talking about her special needs sister and how hard it is for parents of children with autism and that, although they love their children and would do anything for them, sometimes they think "it's just too much."

It's just too much.

I tear up as I even type that right now because really, what is so difficult about saying, "it's just too much" ? Why do I feel like I can't say it out loud when that's really how I feel? And so I did. I said it out loud. And it felt good. I am not the parent of a child with autism. I have been through my share of rough times. But it's just life in general right now that is overwhelming me. Whether it be as a Mother, wife, friend, or plain ol' human being. And I feel like I should pull up my big girl panties and just get over it. Toughen up. Get through the day. But I'm wiped out. I'm exhausted. I'm barely making it through the day and I have to say that this is no way to live, just barely getting by. I've had enough.

Click Here to continue reading this post on Chicago Moms Blog....

May is "Older Americans Month"

My family recently traveled to Florida to celebrate our grandfather's 90th birthday.  Our beloved patriarch is one of the smartest, kindest and funniest men I know.  In fact, I asked him to share his secret for vitality at 90. His answer, without skipping a beat, was: "Lots of sexy women."  (I love this guy!)

I have been thinking of a way to honor him (or at least blog about him... he has email after all)!  In a great coincidence, I learned at church that May is "Older Americans Month" and received the challenge to "think of ways to celebrate our super senior citizens."   Now, I had never heard of this occasion (holiday?), so I decided to look it up.  Here's what I found:

"During Older Americans Month, we recognize the many ways older citizens have enriched our Nation through their character, wisdom, and love.

"Our country remains strong because of the foundation our elders have helped lay.  This year's Older Americans Month theme, "Working Together for Strong, Healthy, and Supportive Communities," highlights the importance of building partnerships to ensure that older Americans are able to live with dignity and independence."

I began to write a blog post to honor our 90-year-old Grandpa, but realized "Older Americans Month" gave me the opportunity to celebrate the wisdom and experience of seniors everywhere.

Graduate Student Again?

In my mid-forties, mid-life, mid-way, not full or empty, not young or old, just mid, middle, half there, I find myself a student again. I drive to a big university and nose my whale of a mini-van into parking spots wide enough for a generous sized motorcycle. I wait in line to pay tuition fees, mug myself for an ID card and stake out the black market for used books. I squeeze my mother friendly hips into tiny desks with fold-down tops that force anyone with a BMI over 20 to become play dough flattened by a hammer. I contemplate posters hung on campus that invite young coed females to donate their eggs to needy couples. This last one catches my breath.

How did a minor mid-life crisis following the birth of my second child land me back in graduate school? I ask that question after everyone in our house is in bed and I’m still studying. I ask that question when I watch moms sip lattes and push swings or saunter into Google headquarters.  Did everyone make the right choice but me?  And is this choice the right one, finally?  I put a lot of thought into going back to school for my teaching credential, but what I didn’t anticipate was how much I would feel, gut level, about being on a college campus again.

Who among us doesn’t have rousing memories of college? So maybe I was a late bloomer, but some major things happened for me in college, not the least of which involved resources from Planned Parenthood, a first true love relationship and minor rants against Ronald Reagan. Then there were the friends, cram sessions, midnight runs, dorms, freak professors and every other lofty memory that comes with being twenty years old and full of yourself. College, to my self-absorbed mind, was made for people just like me, young people on the brink. The brink of what I had no idea. But college was a place to get your start, find your niche, become your own person. Brink into something.