Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Downtown Palo Alto, Why All The Vacant Stores?

Today my husband and I were driving on University Avenue in downtown Palo Alto and for the very first, time, noticed  way too many a large number of commercial properties, vacant.  In the six years that we have lived here, this was not apparent. You see, life has gone on as usual in Palo Alto.  We have heard about the economy and loss of jobs.  We have heard about layoffs, foreclosures and businesses closing. But that was happening "somewhere else".  Not here.  Not in the heart of Silicon Valley. Not in Palo Alto.

Truth be told, most people appear to be doing alright. Yes, there have been loss of jobs.  Yes, many are tightening the belts.  But if you ask Palo Altans, most will say that they are hanging in there and able to get by.  

You don't see foreclosure signs on every block.  Heck, I have yet to see one foreclosure sign in the entire town!

But today, on this glorious afternoon, I became AWARE and scared.  What is happening to our town?  Is "it" finally catching up with us?  Or I have just buried my head in the sand, hoping to avoid the inevitable... that every town, including Palo Alto, is suffering.  That small mom and pop shops simply can't afford to run their businesses.  That our bookstores, restaurants, clothing stores and banks simply can't stay afloat.  And that in Palo Alto, we are just like everyone else.  It just took a little longer to feel the wrath.

It is so much easier to live in ignorance, than face the truth.  But now the truth is glaring right back at us.  Here, in Palo Alto.

This is an original post to Silicon Valley Moms Blog.  Jill Asher is the co-founder of Silicon Valley Moms Group and drove around Palo Alto today, talking these pictures on her iphone. 

Central Air Conditioning: The Debate Heats Up

What do married couples argue about?  Most people would say money, sex, and housework without even thinking twice.  If the couple has kids, they might say the kids, or how to parent them.  For my husband and I, add a fifth issue:  air conditioning.

We renovated our bungalow and added a second floor to it five years ago.  By the time we got around to replacing the central heating system, there wasn't much money left.  We didn't want to tap any further into our home equity loan, so we decided to forgo the central air conditioning, even though we knew it would cost less if we had it done along with all the other work.  We knew that second floors get hotter than ground floors, but our ground floor is always so cool (it's raised and always has cool air circulating underneath the hardwood floors), so how bad could it be?

When You Don't Speak the Same Language as Your In-Laws

The first time I met my future mother in-law, she poured coffee into my cereal.

It was a simple misunderstanding.  My French boyfriend (a.k.a. future husband) and I had just arrived in Paris the night before.  And that morning in his mother's kitchen, (boyfriend/translator was at a customer meeting), she mistook my frantic gesturing and my pathetic attempt at speaking the language to mean I take coffee IN my cereal. 

Obviously the last minute crash course I took in French did me little good.  And the sheer terror I felt over meeting his parents for the first time, combined with culture shock--never been to France before, much less outside the US--and suffering from coma-induced jet lag, apparently had further deteriorated my already shaky language skills. 

I may as well have well been mute.

PBS Super Why: Behind the Scenes

The Silicon Valley Moms Group was thrilled to have the opportunity to attend events across the country to get a behind the scenes look at PBS's show called "Super Why". First we had an event in New York City and then in DC Metro. Then the events moved to the West Coast in Los Angeles and Silicon Valley.

At the Los Angeles and Silicon Valley (pictured left) events we had a behind-the-scenes look at SUPER WHY! with its Creator and Executive Producer, Angela C. Santomero, and Lesli Rotenberg, PBS' Senior Vice President of Children's Media.

PBS KIDS takes a 360-degree approach to a child's world, far beyond television, finding ways to offer a child learning opportunities throughout their day - including Web, hand-helds, books and toys, community events. Super Why was created on research-based literacy curriculum and uses an engaging approach with lovable superhero characters (Alpha Pig, Princess Presto, Wonder Red, and Super Why) that kids can relate to in order to build the fundamental skills that kids need for the "power to read".

At the event, Lesli Rotenberg (pictured right) gaves us a overview on the research and development of PBS KIDS shows and Angela C. Santomero (pictured left) showed clips from a SUPER WHY episode, walking attendees through all the elements that are needed to make shows educational and fun for kids. 

After the Event, attendees received a "PBS KIDS media toolkit" to help them navigate some media choices with their kids, including SUPER WHY! content, activities and media tools to get plugged in - or unplugged! - for the week.

The Children and Media section of the PBS website has at-home curriculum and many additional resources for Super Why and children’s media in general. PBS is also on social media such as Twitter (PBS Parents , Jeannine Harvey, Kevin Dando, Stephanie Aaronson, Angela Santomero) and Super Why on Facebook.

Listed below are blog posts written by the attendees:

• Learning With Media PBS Kids from Jane Maynard of Silicon Valley Moms Blog and  This Week For Dinner.comTypePad - Edit Post

• The right to choose...what your kids watch on TV from Stefania Pomponi Butler of CityMama

Coffee, Tea ... or First Class?

Let me pose a question to you moms out there (and dads). At what age would you feel comfortable abandoning your children? Wait, hold on and let me rephrase that. At what age would you feel comfortable allowing your children to self-manage themselves on a plane ride so you and your spouse can enjoy the benefits and luxury of First Class on the last leg of your plane ride home (after 10-days of 24x7 vacation with the kids)?

Well, I quickly discovered my answer to that question. In the wee hours of the morning my family and I embarked on our return flight from our east coast vacation. Visions of my Tempur-Pedic bed floated through my mind as I tried to get some shut-eye on the plastic airport bench between flight segments at O'Hare Airport in Chicago.

Feeding Our Kids: Affordability versus Health

It seems like every time I turn on the radio or reading headlines on my Google page, I am finding something related to the food industry.  With the recent release of the documentary, Food Inc., and Michael Pollan's book In Defense of Food, coming out in paperback, the topic of what we eat is almost as prevalent as the Michael Jackson memorial and the recession.  I haven't seen Food Inc, because after listening to interviews, I think he is pretty much preaching to the choir.  We already eat "whole foods", locally grown, not processed, etc.  And in fact, I know that we are like many others in Silicon Valley who shop at their farmers' markets and tweet about the latest organic soy orange frozen yogurt they ate for lunch.  We are teaching our kids to eat whole foods as well, and my 4 year old still prefers a bowl of strawberries or watermelon to pretty much any other food and last night asked for broccoli and pasta, no cheese please, Mommy.

What Happened to the Girl I Married?: Join us for Silicon Valley Moms Group's next Book Club on Friday, July 17th

Let's face it - sometimes a couple's relationship changes once they have kids. Join us Friday, July 17th as we discuss the book What Happened to the Girl I Married by Michael Miller and talk about what we think happened for our next book club.

About What Happened to the Girl I Married (from the author's website): In What Happened to the Girl I Married?, Miller steps out of his corporate executive job and into his wife’s uncomfortable shoes at home. With no staff or administrative assistants to support him, Miller’s “ah hah moments” begin on day one and become more profound with each step down the path. Through his journey, Miller offers a new found appreciation for the tireless efforts of stay-at-home mothers and clues as to why women might lose themselves in the job. For the men they married, Miller lets them connect with his evolution through humor, man-isms and motivations for change that are hard to resist.

In his journey to enlightenment in What Happened to the Girl I Married?, through both laughter and tears, Miller provides readers with:

• A revealing perspective on the job of a stay-at-home parent and appreciation for it’s unique challenges
  (from a man who never had it)
• Creative imagery and colorful examples to help communicate the job’s complexities and the feelings they can generate that are sometimes hard to put into words
• A non-threatening way for the partner of the stay-at-home parent to examine how their words and actions might be contributing to a loss of self worth and identity
• Ideas for small, manageable changes that can have a big impact on the relationship, and how the stay-at-home parent feels about themselves and their job
• A simple terminology that both partners can use to help get their love affair back on track and keep it that way

What Happened to the Girl I Married? is an honest and enlightening love story that’s funny and thought-provoking throughout. The story’s messages help heal old wounds and offer both partners a language to get back on a loving path together – and stay on it.

Read along with us: Buy your copy of the book today and get ready to discuss with us on Friday, July 17th. See you at book club!

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Read along with us: Buy your copy of the book today and get ready to discuss with us on Friday, July 17th. See you at book club!

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Duran Duran and Me

Sigh.  Double Sigh.  Deep breath in SIGH.  Exhale SIGH.

I just realized that I missed my one opportunity this summer to see the Duran Duran concert in Silicon Valley.  I had no idea that my (let's say this together!) all-time-favorite-band-in-the-entire-world-and-don't-even-try-to-dispute-that-they-are-utterly-awesome-and-the-best-band-ever though-Bono-and-U2-is-a-close-second, Duran Duran was in the bay area and played at the Mountain Winery on July 8th.  Yup, I totally missed it....  And if I knew that they were here, I certainly would have moved mountains, playdates, camp drop off, camp pickup and even (ahem) work, to make it to the concert on time.  I would have even gone alone and sat in the back row, singing along with Simon, John and Andy.  Ok, I would have arrived ten hours early, just to be there to greet them and let them know that I am their biggest fan of all time!

Did I ever tell you Duran Duran stories from my teenage years?  No?  Really... I haven't?  Well... sit back and read on.....

A Tale of Two Bluies

We patted ourselves on the back when we bought two identical lovies for our second child. No more frantic searches of the house and the car at bedtime while a crying child refuses to go to bed alone. Being overcautious, I probably would have bought a third lovey, but I had to fight an aggressive mom at the store when I bought the two blue dogs that would become a central part of my son's life.

The aggressive woman was from France and this was back when our economy was headed downward, but Europe was still going strong. Pottery Barn Kids was this woman's discount store, as she filled her basket indiscriminately while using her stroller to block any other competing shoppers. She ignored my polite "excuse me's," as she slowly lifted her elbows outward like an NBA guard blocking the lane. Undeterred, I lunged in for two of the blue dogs, but was stopped from picking up a third when the woman jammed her stroller into my shins. Two dogs were really all we needed anyway, I reasoned, especially because my plan was to never let my son know more than one existed.

That plan - as they tend to do when children are involved - went laughably astray.

Colleges to parents: Grow up please.

We just returned from college orientation for our youngest son. He leaves at the end of summer, and our eldest takes off for an overseas 3 year college experience.  Lots of departures, lots of emotions. However, having two years of college under his belt, I am somewhat "broken in" by "A." We have lived through the bout with pneumonia, periods of no money and too many teen bodies living in an apartment. 

Its interesting, though, that the colleges both essentially said the same things at their respective orientations. That our generation-us-the parents of today-are the most over protective and hovering that they have seen in quite awhile. Mind you, the admissions people are very nice, they have to be as they are fully aware that it is us whose checks ensure their livelihood. In gossamer language, they have built an entire day for parents to talk about "the separation process"-uh-for us adults mainly. We  were regaled with one story in which an admissions officer received a phone call from a parent asking if it was ok to tape their son on the first day of classes. Tape their son. On a college campus. Hon, this ain't kindergarten. I don't think sonny boy would be waving nicely at the camera.

He Can Still Make Me Smile - Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson. He can still make me smile. He can still make the tears fall down my face. Through his music. It was and always will be his music.

Many people have blogged about Michael Jackson and what he meant to them. I refrained from doing so myself probably because of that. But after watching his touching memorial service today, I was moved to write.

There have been many famous faces and personalities that have passed on. I remember when John Lennon passed away while I was at Stanford. Several students grieved. I didn’t understand it. I mean, they couldn’t have known the guy personally, how could it affect them so? I remember when Princess Diana died in a car accident. It was sad, I know. I was moved by the grief everyone showed not her actual passing. How could I? I never knew her, nor would I ever have met her.

Slowing Down - Is It Too Late?

I was told recently by a transplant from New York City to Silicon Valley that our pace here is actually faster in many ways than the big apple.  It wasn't that they don't work hard in New York, he said, it's that they know when to stop working, go out and play.  Work hard, play hard, I guess.  Here, he explained, we just go home and get back online and go back to work.  I kept thinking about that for a while and realized he might be onto something.

I moved from San Francisco to Silicon Valley (the Peninsula) in 2002 and although I didn't get down to having kids for another four years, my life definitely turned more to work and online socializing since then.  Sure, having a kid changes everything - we definitely have stayed home more since our daughter was born - but where I live, there are two restaurants open after 9p.m. and nobody goes out to eat after 7.  Finding babysitters is like a competition, and the price for a date night is nearly as much as a plane ticket.  Most peoples' kids are in bed by 8.  Their parents go online after that, and social media gives us this illusion that we have a social life when we're really just working more. In this economy though, who can afford to kick back, take time off?  A lot of people are taking summer vacations, but one spouse will be working and catch up with the vacation later, or they'll both be online while gone.  (I'm traveling soon and I'm already having a panic attack at the thought of going without my laptop for a week.)  I keep thinking I should cut down on my activities, work less, rest more, take more walks...

Food-for-the-soul Family Vacation (yes, it's possible!)

Taking a vacation when you have little kids to tote around ain't always a treat. It was tough enough to relax at home when my two boys were super young, let alone at a hotel or on an airplane while acting as a Sherpa for their endless bottles, diapers, "safety toys", portable high chairs and Pack N Play contraptions. Just getting to where you're going on vacation with kids can sometimes send you into a panic. My family and I once reached our destination across the country on Hilton Head Island, to await our friends' arrival, only to receive a sob-filled call from them that night to tell us they "just couldn't handle" the stress of getting on the airplane.

Right. So I get it - "vacations" with little kids are most often more like "scenery changes". Generally, you can throw away those visions of kicking back with a Mai Tai on a beach and replace them with the reality of cleaning diarrhea off the chaise lounge just before you jiggle your screaming off-schedule child into a nap you'll have to hold them through so as not to bother the other resort guests. Vacation is supposed to be about reconnecting with your family, with who you are when you are truly allowed to be you; not about continuing the great schlep that has become, let's be honest, your life.

Being a parent of two young boys, I've been without the traditional whoop it up type of vacation for approximately seven years. But, I'm happy to say, I think I am finally getting my vacation mojo back. The kids are older, and we're starting to pick places to travel to that bring out the best in all of us. I've found that vacation can become soul food again, depending of course, on where we go. For me, the guidelines surrounding where to go can be summed up simply and generally:

C'mon Summer, Slow Down

I'm sitting in my husband's comfy chair and I have about three hours to myself.  Sure I need to go to the grocery, fold three loads of laundry, empty the dishwasher, shower, get dressed and look for a job. The house is clean and the kids are playing soccer, what more could I ask? 

I was actually quite worried about this summer stuck in the bay area. 

This is the first summer I've had a summer "off" in twenty two years. I'm jumping on the recession friendly carefree summer bandwagon, barring a few swimming and skateboard lessons and Y camps for my kids.  I had a vision: entire days being taken up with skateboarding, soccer and guitar hero (I know there are worse things), so I wrote up a list of 50 activities from which to choose.  I scoured the local Silicon Valley sites: Savvy Source page for parks with water play areas and creeks and budgeted in theme parks such as Great America and Santa Cruz Beach boardwalk.  I included educational activities like math games, reading time at the library and create your own books, plus promised trips to Monterey Bay Aquarium and CA Academy of Sciences. 

Yet, I worrry. How do I make time for networking and focus on the job search?  I planned to take the summer off, but I really need to be in the work force this fall.