Belly Up: What To Do When the Fish Dies

For Sam's third birthday we got him a goldfish. His recent discovery of Nemo and a book from my childhood called "A Fish Out Of Water" has made him a lover of all aquatic life forms. On the morning of his birthday he was greeted by a round fish bowl filled with blue rocks and one little goldfish, that we purchased at a local Philly pet store. In addition to his love of fish, his favorite color is orange so he flipped his lid with happiness! In lieu of a name, he simply referred to his beloved goldfish as My Pet.

As parents, we were hoping to use this experience as an observational tool. We have a cat, but he's been around for 12 years. He thinks the kids invaded his territory, so there is little kid/cat interaction. In getting Sam his own pet, we were hoping to get some sort of idea as to when we can expect the whole 'can we get a dog' stage of childhood. We wanted to see how long the fish stayed on the radar, so to speak, and how well he helped care for it.

He was very attentive to his little fishy, and to our surprise his attention didn't wane. Every morning as I would get his breakfast, he'd pull over his step stool and help feed his fish breakfast. While I did the major task of cleaning the tank, he would often stay nearby and reassure his fish while he was in his interim home, a measuring cup.

Then we had to go away for the weekend. I headed off to the pet store to get a weekend feeder, but due to an inattentive sales person I accidentally got the wrong kind. When we came home on Sunday night the poor little fish was belly up. My initial reaction was to flush the fish and wait to see if Sam would notice.

Of course he noticed.

I quietly asked my husband what he thought we should do. After a five hour car ride and one episode of car sickness, neither one of us were able to come up with a quick solution, so we told him the fish was hiding. When he asked us why, I said it was because he wanted some privacy. To my three year old that meant he was going potty, so we just went with that.

That night after the kids were in bed, us grownups had a more lengthy discussion about the dead fish. We decided that since the fish hadn't died of natural causes but because of human error (RIP My Pet) that we would replace him without telling Sam. The timing worked out well because Sam was in school the next day so I was able to get the replacement without being discovered.

On one hand, I feel badly about misleading him. On the other hand, I don't think, at only three and one month, that he's quite capable of understanding the concept of death. If it had been a relative or maybe even the cat, perhaps we would have made a go at explaining things. In all honesty, I think it probably would have confused him.

This new My Pet seems to be doing well, and I spoke with another (more informed) sales person about weekend feeders when I was buying the new fish. Sam hasn't noticed any difference, and is still quite enthralled by the whole pet owning experience. Ultimately, I think we made the right decision. Besides, even if we had done the exact opposite, I still think we would have been making the right decision.

This is an original Philly Moms Blog post. You can also find Amy Jo at her personal blog The Cheese Party and her review blog The Cheese Says....Mmmmm!