Philly Moms

The Power of Agreement

I am a passionate person. I am a thinker, a dreamer and a believer. But there is one caveat to all of this– I can not be, I cannot move forward, I can not do—anything, unless I have agreement from others.

I have just discovered this about myself and I’m actually blown away by the realization of it. As it turns out, if you, people, anyone, doesn’t agree with what I’m thinking, what I see, what I want, it paralyzes me. I’m definitely not someone who will force what I want on others and make them do something for me – there is no satisfaction in that. I would rather someone agree with my ideas and yes me to death, then someone just appease me and give me what I want- that just gives me guilt and leaves me feeling empty and alone and inevitably not wanting whatever it was that got me all excited in the first place.

Stick a finger in your eye...the quest for contact lenses

My poor kid has to wear tortoise shell glasses, and it's all my husband's fault. He gave her rotten eyesight, and she needs strong frames to prevent her thick lenses from popping out. Luckily, she isn't a slave to fashion...yet. However, my mother's intuition is telling me that sometime in the near future, she's going to wish she didn't have to wear those things. So, I scheduled an appointment with the eye doctor for contact lenses. When I told her the good news, she made a face and whined, "You want me to stick a finger in my eye? Ewwwwww." Um, yeah, but only if there's a contact lens on it.

Maybe I shouldn't have made the appointment. I've already subjected my children to numerous tortures in the name of beauty: tooth cleanings, orthodontic corrections, baths, and haircuts, just to name a few. What am I thinking? My kids don't want this stuff. They'd be happy running around with oily hanks of hair hanging over their eyes; and I'm sure they loved their brown crooked teeth before I sent them to the orthodontist.

A Failure to Communicate

Four hours.  That's the total amount of time I spent on the phone recently with my new friends from the Phillippines.  Actually, "friends" might be pushing it.  Truthfully, by the end of my fourth conversation, we were in need of some serious detente. 

You see, the Phillippines is where my phone calls were routed when I experienced trouble installing my brand spanking new Linksys wireless internet router. 

I'm sure you know the hook.  You buy this marvel of modern communication technology and in the box you find the router, a cable, and an innocuous looking CD which promises to have you up and flying across the internet airwaves in a matter of fifteen minutes.

Going "Potty Mouth" in the Restroom of a NE Philly Target

I'm used to going to Target and coming home with more than I originally noted on my list. But when the kids and I headed over to the big red bullseye's Roosevelt Boulevard store this evening for a simple birthday card, we arrived home with a very different sort of unexpected item -- a touch of innocence lost.

We had just begun to browse the card section when my three-year-old announced that she needed to go to the potty. Cake walk, I thought. I congratulated myself that the cart was still empty. All I had to do was wheel back over to the restrooms, disembark two toddlers and brave the stalls.

Minutes later, the three of us were spooned against each other in a stall cheering my three-year-old's success when we heard the restroom door swing forcefully open. In rushed the sound of a tense exchange between a mom and child, half-drowned out by the intense, bleating cries of an infant.

Hopeless negotiating with a male babysitter

I just spent the most ridiculously expensive night out in the history of me having kids. Really. Not sure how it compares to you, but back home in my Philly suburbs I'm used to paying about $10 per hour for a sitter. 2 kids. And we provide the food, the entertainment (usually in the form of a DVD or wii games), plus two sleeping juniors by 8:30 pm. (Okay, maybe 9 pm on a night like tonight when they're a little revved and on vacation.) Still. $10 per hour.

Alas, while on vacation in the Outer Banks, enjoying relaxation and the ultimate in summer fun, the husband and I decided we <del>wanted</del> needed a date night. Like last year I phoned the clubhouse, which is run by college interns who offer a babysitting service on the side. Tonight, most of the girls were "out of town" so we hired a guy. A great guy. A South Jersey guy who has relocated down to NC State and is certainly enjoying a summer of surf, beach, fun... and a little work on the side. Nice, right? A cool, responsible guy, hoping to make a few bucks, I shook hands and hired him on the spot at the beach.

Stupid. Stupid. I failed to ask how much he charges.

Testimony by Anita Shreve: A Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club

This month, for Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers' monthly book club, we read a novel that many of us, as mothers, found tough to read. But probably every mother should read it. And their teenagers too - especially their teenagers.

Join in as Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers discuss the book Testimony by Anita Shreve.

• DC Metro Moms Blog's Amy G. leads us off with hoping she has done enough
• Wife and Mommy from Wife and Mommy thinks of all the moments she knew her life would never be the same
• Jennifer from Connect with your Teens discusses the ramifications and repercussions of teenage drinking
• Melanie from Tales from the Crib forecasts the future
• Bonggamom from Finding Bonggamom remembers temptation
• The Fabulous Miss S from Fabulous Miss S screamed in her head "No! Don't do it!"
• Silicon Valley Diva from Blog on the Wall shudders when she thinks back to her teenage years
• Kim from Passion & Art says no one asks to be raped
• Chefdruck from Chefdruck Musings gives her own testimony
• Jessica from It's My Life thinks about when the best isn't the best after all
• Robin from Who's the Boss gives her testimony
• Gayle from Everyday I Write the Book reviews Testimony
• Christina from The Carpool Reader goes through the evolution of a marriage
• Linsey from Me Too You is glad she got caught

More posts will be put up throughout the day on our writer's personal sites, so be sure to check back to follow along.

.... and if you have a post up on YOUR personal site on this topic, please leave a comment here and we will add your link!

About the book - from the publisher Hachette Book Group:

At a New England boarding school, a sex scandal is about to break. Even more shocking than the sexual acts themselves is the fact that they were caught on videotape. A Pandora's box of revelations, the tape triggers a chorus of voices--those of the men, women, teenagers, and parents involved in the scandal--that details the ways in which lives can be derailed or destroyed in one foolish moment.

Writing with a pace and intensity surpassing even her own greatest work, Anita Shreve delivers in TESTIMONY a gripping emotional drama with the impact of a thriller. No one more compellingly explores the dark impulses that sway the lives of seeming innocents, the needs and fears that drive ordinary men and women into intolerable dilemmas, and the ways in which our best intentions can lead to our worst transgressions.

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Hitting A Little Too Close to Home: stories of swimming tragedies

During the summer months, I spend most days with my three children at the local YMCA swimming pool.  We often meet friends, or the kids are happy to play with each other or by themselves.  Watching all three kids all can be quite a feat, but each year it gets easier.

This year my nine-year-old son victoriously passed the swim test, which allows him to swim in the deep end and go down the mammoth, twisting slides.  I fully admit that I don't supervise him closely.  I trust his swimming ability at this point, and perhaps naively, I also trust the life guards to be alert and keep an eye on the kids.  My son is allowed to go anywhere in the pool, but he must let me know if he goes inside or to the playground.  As long as I know where he is, and as long as he proves himself trustworthy, I don't feel the need to watch him.  His younger sisters are my primary concern.  Neither are strong swimmers, and it's enough of a challenge to watch them at all times without looking around to find my son every so often.

Random Act of Kindness or Obstruction of Justice?

Have you ever watched the television show on A&E "Parking Wars"? You know, the reality show that follows Philadelphia Parking Authority workers on their quest to ticket, tow and boot illegally parked cars? I found myself a bit confused after watching it a few times. On one hand I felt really sorry for the people who were charged big fines for an expired meter or who had to endure the pound to retrieve their vehicles and especially those who went running to feed the meter only to arrive a minute too late. On the other I gained a little empathy for the workers who take a lot of abuse from really mad (usually guilty) people who generally think the rules don't apply to them.

Living on The Main Line, parking meters are a way of life. I always carry an ashtray of quarters around to feed the darn things and beat feet to make sure I don't let them expire. After watching "Parking Wars" I've also started my own personal mission -- dropping a coin into every expired meter I pass as I go about my day.

I consider it a random act of kindness, The Lower Merion Parking Authority begs to differ.

The bear returns

When I was a girl, I had a teddy bear named Boo Boo.  He was big (around the same size I was when I got him) and red and white, and he entered my life when I was one.  The story goes that when I tried to say "bear," it came out "buh," and the name Boo Boo was born.  Not long after I got him, my mother tried to wash him.  According to family lore, he survived the washing machine, but not the dryer.  Enter Boo Boo number two, who has survived -- unwashed -- to this day.  He's big, too, burgundy and gold.  I still remember how it felt to cuddle up with him when I was sad; I used to wipe my tears with his paw.  I slept with him every night, even on trips away from home. At the airport I would plop him on the baggage claim conveyor belt and pick him back up when he came around again. 

Somewhere along the way, he lost an eye and gained some clothes: a t-shirt that used to be mine, and a worn pair of yellow overalls.  On a trip to Faneuil Hall in Boston, I went to the Bear Necessity store and picked up some bear-themed underwear for him.  I recall a little suit jacket I rescued from a rummage sale; Boo Boo never actually wore it, but I always considered it to be his formal wear.  At some point, I pinned to it a pair of wings from one of Boo Boo's many flights.  I made up a birthday for him (August 1) and used to throw him birthday parties will the other stuffed animals.

Dear Kate: Welcome to Single Motherhood

So it's official -- Jon and Kate Plus 8 will now be Jon and Kate's 8 Divided by 2. After lawyers and paperwork and arguments and signatures Kate, mother of eight will become Kate, single mother of eight. Her life will forever change in ways she can't even imagine so based on personal experience and that of my single mom friends I thought I'd give her a heads up of what to expect...

A Reality Show Train Wreck

It's like a train wreck, and I'm ashamed to admit that I gaped right along with everyone else in the country.

In Doylestown, PA on Monday, Kate Gosselin filed preliminary paperwork to end her ten-year marriage to husband Jon Gosselin, father of her eight children and her co-star, along with the kids, in TLC's reality show disaster Jon and Kate Plus Eight. 

Now in its fifth season, the show chronicles life with two sets of multiples--a pair of eight-year-old twin girls and a set of sextuplets.  Unfortunately, it's has also chronicled the complete meltdown and destruction of the marriage of the kids' parents.

I'm sorry to admit that I watched the program last Monday night, sucked in by the "announcement" promised by the network concerning the Gosselin's marriage.  I watched and all I could do was scream at my television.

What's the Tooth Fairy's going rate?

As the mother of a rising third grader, a frequent topic in our household is the presence of loose, wiggly, or hanging-on-by-a-thread teeth.  And if not that, then it is the speculation on which tooth might be next in the lineup.  Or I guess I should say which tooth might be next out of the lineup.

When Audrey started losing her teeth, two summers ago, I was so excited by her newest milestone.  She's our first child, and all, and it just didn't seem that long ago that those pearly whites were poking up through her gums for the first time.  And just in the interest of full disclosure, I love pretty much anything that merits celebration. 

So I went a little crazy, and decided that the tooth fairy would write Audrey a note of four rhyming couplets.  I found a few ideas online and when she woke up the next morning, along with her dollar, she found a lovely pink note:

Mom University: A BS In Parenting

Last week as I was preparing for Father's day I had a realization: it's been four years since I first saw the double lines of a home pregnancy test. Four years is how long I was in college. The way I figure it, by now I should have, at a minimum, a bachelor's degree. Between pregnancies 1 and 2, all of the infant and child care and development, budgeting, story reading, speech therapy and soccer camps, I should get credit for about a zillion biology classes, some psychology, economics, literature, and phys ed, and that's just off the top of my head.

Even though I certainly slept more in college, it's likely that the quality of rest I got then compared to now is roughly equivalent. Sleeping off twenty-two jello shots doesn't make for the most restorative sleep, and studying all night was something I did far too often. I hardly drink anymore, and I'm usually in bed by 9:30 most nights so I'm fairly well rested at the moment, which makes up for all of those long, sleepless newborn nights.

A Donovan McNabb-Caliber Contract for Moms

I'm an unapologetic Philadelphia Eagles fanatic, and this time of year I get very impatient for the six-month chasm between last season's Super Bowl and next season's training camp to be over with. I pass each year's interminable football drought eager to lap up any scrap of off-season Eagles news, so naturally I've been following the latest reporting on quarterback Donovan McNabb's new contract. 

There's been plenty of local coverage about the Eagles' move to restructure the final two years of McNabb's deal, in effect giving him a more than $5 million raise and elevating him to the top tier of the highest-paid NFL quarterbacks.

So where's the "mom" connection in the news of McNabb's lucrative contract?

The Power of Agreement

I am a passionate person. I am a thinker, a dreamer and a believer. But there is one caveat to all of this– I can not be, I cannot move forward, I can not do—anything, unless I have agreement from others.

I have just discovered this about myself and I’m actually blown away by the realization of it. As it turns out, if you, people, anyone, doesn’t agree with what I’m thinking, what I see, what I want, it paralyzes me. I’m definitely not someone who will force what I want on others and make them do something for me – there is no satisfaction in that. I would rather someone agree with my ideas and yes me to death, then someone just appease me and give me what I want- that just gives me guilt and leaves me feeling empty and alone and inevitably not wanting whatever it was that got me all excited in the first place.

Stick a finger in your eye...the quest for contact lenses

My poor kid has to wear tortoise shell glasses, and it's all my husband's fault. He gave her rotten eyesight, and she needs strong frames to prevent her thick lenses from popping out. Luckily, she isn't a slave to fashion...yet. However, my mother's intuition is telling me that sometime in the near future, she's going to wish she didn't have to wear those things. So, I scheduled an appointment with the eye doctor for contact lenses. When I told her the good news, she made a face and whined, "You want me to stick a finger in my eye? Ewwwwww." Um, yeah, but only if there's a contact lens on it.

Maybe I shouldn't have made the appointment. I've already subjected my children to numerous tortures in the name of beauty: tooth cleanings, orthodontic corrections, baths, and haircuts, just to name a few. What am I thinking? My kids don't want this stuff. They'd be happy running around with oily hanks of hair hanging over their eyes; and I'm sure they loved their brown crooked teeth before I sent them to the orthodontist.

A Failure to Communicate

Four hours.  That's the total amount of time I spent on the phone recently with my new friends from the Phillippines.  Actually, "friends" might be pushing it.  Truthfully, by the end of my fourth conversation, we were in need of some serious detente. 

You see, the Phillippines is where my phone calls were routed when I experienced trouble installing my brand spanking new Linksys wireless internet router. 

I'm sure you know the hook.  You buy this marvel of modern communication technology and in the box you find the router, a cable, and an innocuous looking CD which promises to have you up and flying across the internet airwaves in a matter of fifteen minutes.

Going "Potty Mouth" in the Restroom of a NE Philly Target

I'm used to going to Target and coming home with more than I originally noted on my list. But when the kids and I headed over to the big red bullseye's Roosevelt Boulevard store this evening for a simple birthday card, we arrived home with a very different sort of unexpected item -- a touch of innocence lost.

We had just begun to browse the card section when my three-year-old announced that she needed to go to the potty. Cake walk, I thought. I congratulated myself that the cart was still empty. All I had to do was wheel back over to the restrooms, disembark two toddlers and brave the stalls.

Minutes later, the three of us were spooned against each other in a stall cheering my three-year-old's success when we heard the restroom door swing forcefully open. In rushed the sound of a tense exchange between a mom and child, half-drowned out by the intense, bleating cries of an infant.

Hopeless negotiating with a male babysitter

I just spent the most ridiculously expensive night out in the history of me having kids. Really. Not sure how it compares to you, but back home in my Philly suburbs I'm used to paying about $10 per hour for a sitter. 2 kids. And we provide the food, the entertainment (usually in the form of a DVD or wii games), plus two sleeping juniors by 8:30 pm. (Okay, maybe 9 pm on a night like tonight when they're a little revved and on vacation.) Still. $10 per hour.

Alas, while on vacation in the Outer Banks, enjoying relaxation and the ultimate in summer fun, the husband and I decided we <del>wanted</del> needed a date night. Like last year I phoned the clubhouse, which is run by college interns who offer a babysitting service on the side. Tonight, most of the girls were "out of town" so we hired a guy. A great guy. A South Jersey guy who has relocated down to NC State and is certainly enjoying a summer of surf, beach, fun... and a little work on the side. Nice, right? A cool, responsible guy, hoping to make a few bucks, I shook hands and hired him on the spot at the beach.

Stupid. Stupid. I failed to ask how much he charges.

Testimony by Anita Shreve: A Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Club

This month, for Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers' monthly book club, we read a novel that many of us, as mothers, found tough to read. But probably every mother should read it. And their teenagers too - especially their teenagers.

Join in as Silicon Valley Moms Group bloggers discuss the book Testimony by Anita Shreve.

• DC Metro Moms Blog's Amy G. leads us off with hoping she has done enough
• Wife and Mommy from Wife and Mommy thinks of all the moments she knew her life would never be the same
• Jennifer from Connect with your Teens discusses the ramifications and repercussions of teenage drinking
• Melanie from Tales from the Crib forecasts the future
• Bonggamom from Finding Bonggamom remembers temptation
• The Fabulous Miss S from Fabulous Miss S screamed in her head "No! Don't do it!"
• Silicon Valley Diva from Blog on the Wall shudders when she thinks back to her teenage years
• Kim from Passion & Art says no one asks to be raped
• Chefdruck from Chefdruck Musings gives her own testimony
• Jessica from It's My Life thinks about when the best isn't the best after all
• Robin from Who's the Boss gives her testimony
• Gayle from Everyday I Write the Book reviews Testimony
• Christina from The Carpool Reader goes through the evolution of a marriage
• Linsey from Me Too You is glad she got caught

More posts will be put up throughout the day on our writer's personal sites, so be sure to check back to follow along.

.... and if you have a post up on YOUR personal site on this topic, please leave a comment here and we will add your link!

About the book - from the publisher Hachette Book Group:

At a New England boarding school, a sex scandal is about to break. Even more shocking than the sexual acts themselves is the fact that they were caught on videotape. A Pandora's box of revelations, the tape triggers a chorus of voices--those of the men, women, teenagers, and parents involved in the scandal--that details the ways in which lives can be derailed or destroyed in one foolish moment.

Writing with a pace and intensity surpassing even her own greatest work, Anita Shreve delivers in TESTIMONY a gripping emotional drama with the impact of a thriller. No one more compellingly explores the dark impulses that sway the lives of seeming innocents, the needs and fears that drive ordinary men and women into intolerable dilemmas, and the ways in which our best intentions can lead to our worst transgressions.

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Hitting A Little Too Close to Home: stories of swimming tragedies

During the summer months, I spend most days with my three children at the local YMCA swimming pool.  We often meet friends, or the kids are happy to play with each other or by themselves.  Watching all three kids all can be quite a feat, but each year it gets easier.

This year my nine-year-old son victoriously passed the swim test, which allows him to swim in the deep end and go down the mammoth, twisting slides.  I fully admit that I don't supervise him closely.  I trust his swimming ability at this point, and perhaps naively, I also trust the life guards to be alert and keep an eye on the kids.  My son is allowed to go anywhere in the pool, but he must let me know if he goes inside or to the playground.  As long as I know where he is, and as long as he proves himself trustworthy, I don't feel the need to watch him.  His younger sisters are my primary concern.  Neither are strong swimmers, and it's enough of a challenge to watch them at all times without looking around to find my son every so often.

Random Act of Kindness or Obstruction of Justice?

Have you ever watched the television show on A&E "Parking Wars"? You know, the reality show that follows Philadelphia Parking Authority workers on their quest to ticket, tow and boot illegally parked cars? I found myself a bit confused after watching it a few times. On one hand I felt really sorry for the people who were charged big fines for an expired meter or who had to endure the pound to retrieve their vehicles and especially those who went running to feed the meter only to arrive a minute too late. On the other I gained a little empathy for the workers who take a lot of abuse from really mad (usually guilty) people who generally think the rules don't apply to them.

Living on The Main Line, parking meters are a way of life. I always carry an ashtray of quarters around to feed the darn things and beat feet to make sure I don't let them expire. After watching "Parking Wars" I've also started my own personal mission -- dropping a coin into every expired meter I pass as I go about my day.

I consider it a random act of kindness, The Lower Merion Parking Authority begs to differ.

The bear returns

When I was a girl, I had a teddy bear named Boo Boo.  He was big (around the same size I was when I got him) and red and white, and he entered my life when I was one.  The story goes that when I tried to say "bear," it came out "buh," and the name Boo Boo was born.  Not long after I got him, my mother tried to wash him.  According to family lore, he survived the washing machine, but not the dryer.  Enter Boo Boo number two, who has survived -- unwashed -- to this day.  He's big, too, burgundy and gold.  I still remember how it felt to cuddle up with him when I was sad; I used to wipe my tears with his paw.  I slept with him every night, even on trips away from home. At the airport I would plop him on the baggage claim conveyor belt and pick him back up when he came around again. 

Somewhere along the way, he lost an eye and gained some clothes: a t-shirt that used to be mine, and a worn pair of yellow overalls.  On a trip to Faneuil Hall in Boston, I went to the Bear Necessity store and picked up some bear-themed underwear for him.  I recall a little suit jacket I rescued from a rummage sale; Boo Boo never actually wore it, but I always considered it to be his formal wear.  At some point, I pinned to it a pair of wings from one of Boo Boo's many flights.  I made up a birthday for him (August 1) and used to throw him birthday parties will the other stuffed animals.

Dear Kate: Welcome to Single Motherhood

So it's official -- Jon and Kate Plus 8 will now be Jon and Kate's 8 Divided by 2. After lawyers and paperwork and arguments and signatures Kate, mother of eight will become Kate, single mother of eight. Her life will forever change in ways she can't even imagine so based on personal experience and that of my single mom friends I thought I'd give her a heads up of what to expect...