Orange County Moms Blog

The Trauma of Childhood Sports

We had a little crisis this week. My five-year-old son Jafta has been begging to attend a basketball camp for the past three months, and I signed him up for one through our city for preschool-aged kids. All summer, he's been asking about it and counting down to when it would start. It was supposed to start Monday. On Saturday, I got a call telling me it had been canceled.

I found myself with two options:
1) completely crush my son and have him mope about it endlessly until the next camp starts IN OCTOBER
2) lie omit information about his age and enroll him in a camp running this week for kids age 6-8

Which one do you think I did?

Growing up in a family that didn't really do sports, I am having a long and rocky learning curve as I navigate the role of "sports mom". I would like to pretend that it's just a new cultural experience for me, but the reality is that athletics have always brought up deep insecurities for me. And as any parent knows, having a child basically means watching your own fears and insecurities walk around outside your body.

Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok: A SV Moms Group Book Club

Transplanted from Hong Kong to New York City as a (very poor) young girl with her mother, Ah-Kim or Kimberley, struggled to make things better for her family, to learn English, to walk the line between traditional Chinese duties and the Americanized teenager she grew into. Join us today as we discuss the book Girl in Translation by Jean Kwok.

Here are what the SV Moms Group contributors ave to say today, all inspired by the book Girl in Translation:

• Marinka from Motherhood in NYC tells her immigration story in America, Baby
• Pamela from 2 Much Testosterone felt empowered
• Emily from Mama Sick has hope for her son
• Sharon from Channeling Ricky recognizes her own childhood embarrassment
• Vanessa from Chefdruck Musings goes for a taste of America
• April from It's All About Balance is a girl in gratitude
• Emily Paster from West of the Loop examines secrets below the surface
• Melanie from tales from the crib just wanted to fit in
• Elena from Cara Mamma reflects on dreaming big
• Lisa H. from Hannemaniacs has aunts just like Aunt Paula
• Alma from Marketing Mommy had culture shock
• Kristine from Mommy Needs Therapy or a Bottle of Wine was moved by the reality of immigrants who come to the U.S. for a "better" life
• Rox from Rox and Roll has thoughts about honor
• Julie from Just Precious opens her eyes in her own neighborhood
• Jen B from Anybody Want A Peanut? tries to translate autism

Silicon Valley Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please leave a comment here to join in the discussion.

Past SV Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• I am Nujood, Aged 10 and Divorced by Nujood Ali
• The Body Scoop for Girls by Dr. Jennifer Ashton
• Just Let Me Lie Down by Kristin van Ogtrop, Editor of REAL SIMPLE magazine
• National Geographic's Green Guide Families by Catherine Zandonella
• Top 100 Finger Foods and Top 100 Baby Purees by Annabel Karmel
• The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman
• The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex by Kristen Chase
• Coco Chanel & Igr Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh
• See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
• Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the SV Moms Group Book Club.

My Babies are Growing Up!

Being a Mom of two boys is a never-ending source of entertainment.  Ten years ago no one had heard of iPods, iPads, iPhones or other silly things, but now those words are common.   

We were out and about running errands in the car when I heard my oldest began to tell my youngest a joke:

Hey Kyle?

What?

How do you spell iCup?

It only took him a minute to start spelling out i...C...u...p... (Are you laughing yet?)

The car was suddenly full of laughter.  I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.  Of course the same joke was re-told about 50 more times.  Yes, including to the couple in line behind us while waiting for Space Mountain at Disneyland last week.

My life has really changed being a mother of not just one, but two active boys.  No butterflies, Barbie's or pink anything around our house.  Instead it's roller coasters, Lego's and video games.  My boys have brought out the adventurous side in me and I love it.  But, my little babies aren't babies anymore and it is becoming harder to ignore every day. 

Gun Control (the mom you want to be, and the mom you are)

I spend a lot of time pondering the disparity betweenthe mom I though I would be, and the mom I am. I was such a good mom before having kids. I had dreams of my children playing with quaint wooden toys, learning piano at a young age, and having picnics in meadows (eating only organic food, of course). Somehow my reality of motherhood involved a lot more plastic, McDonalds, and trips to Target than I ever imagined. That meadow picnic? Yeah, that's never happened.

Also in my dreams of motherhood, our home would be free of toys that represent weapons. My oldest was a boy - but I imagined that somehow, with careful guidance, I could free him from the gender expectations that give way to a desire for violent objects. Unfortunately, no one warned me that a predilection for destruction seems to be coded in the DNA. Despite providing my son Jafta with a playroom full of peaceful, docile toys, he seems to be drawn only to things that produce explosions, loud noises, or (best yet), wounds of the flesh. He was begging for a sword by the time he could talk. Once he got wind of this light-saber business, everything in the house (paper towel roll, umbrella, drumstick) was brandished as a light-saber. And now, despite the fact that he's never seen a movie much darker than Stuart Little, he is totally and utterly obsessed with guns. 

WARNING: Hormones at Play!

Why is it that pregnancy just doesn't seem to bring the best out of women? Between weight gain, a huge belly, skin issues, tears over Hallmark commercials and the ending of Disney movies, and excess perspiration we also get to deal with raging hormones worse than what we experienced in our teenage years. Ah, the joys of growing a child!

I have to admit that I'm at the point in my pregnancy where for the most part I feel as if I'm functioning rather normal (as long as I get some sleep at night). But there are certain things that really set me off. Certain things that have an automatic Panic Button deployment that I feel so out of control on.

How do I explain this to people?

I'm not normally too crazy. But let's face it, I do get a little nutty at times- which I attribute more to my lifestyle of wearing far too many hats, and my lack of ability to say "no" to taking on far too much. Recently there was an incident when a certain person in my life gave me information that just pushed me over the edge. I essentially took the information to be perceived as pressure on me, and then put undue pressure on other people. I panicked. A lot.

Welcome to Catalog-Land. Now go change your shirt so you match the sofa.

 Everywhere I look I can see a little stack of catalogs in my home. In the family room, the office, the bedroom and yes, the bathroom. Stacks of catalogs for brands and products that vary from craft kits to high-end (read: who the heck can afford this?) poolside furniture. I receive them in the mail nearly everyday. And with their arrival I smile a little inside. I get a sense of excitement about what lies inside their covers. I can not wait to dream over the insanely perfected scenes of home life that real people (people who do not live in catalog-land) can only yearn to achieve, like children's bedrooms with beds made in coordinated themes right down to the toys on the floor.

Sometimes I stop and wonder if any mom out there takes these aspirations all a little too far. I can see the young type-a wife, ordering every product in the photo spread to create the perfect truck-themed room for her toddler, saying "no Robby you can only play with TRUCK toys in your truck room. Robots are for enjoying in the robot themed playroom."

One Year Ago

It's been one year since our move to el OC.  One whole year.  This time last year, the excitement of moving to a new town/city/county was still in the air.  Little did I know what a l-o-n-g summer with 3 kids at home would be like. I went through a little depression.  I thought I would love being a whole lot closer to my famlilia, and I did (but it took some getting used to!). See, when my hubby and I got married, 12+ years ago, he took me to live in the city that I worked at so I wouldn't have to commute any where(I know, sweet huh?)

Well, we never moved out of that city.  Not even out of the little apartment.  If you have ever lived in the San Gabriel Valley, you know that its not like any other So Cal city to live in.  I totally miss my neighbors!  I do!  Yes, they were Asians, but I learned to live with them and commute with them and shop with them so much, that one of the hardest thing to get used to here in el OC, is not having a Chinese Market close to me! Still, I make my monthly trips out there to buy groceries that I can't find here.

The Work of 'Til Death Do Us Part

Cross posted from our sister blog, 50-Something Moms Blog.

In the news this week it was announced that after 40 years of marriage, Al and Tipper Gore were separating. After the round of snorty, churlish jokes about who will get custody of the Internet, people began to comment on the sadness of it all. After 40 years it would seem that a couple would have a lock on a successful marriage, a marriage that withstands the tests of time, a marriage that will last 'til death do us depart. But it seems that this is not the case. In the case of the Gores, it seems that it wasn't a sordid affair or other ilk like that. No, they simply, in their own words, 'grew apart after 40 years together".Over time they had carved out separate lives.

So with the end of what always seemed to be an enduring love story where do we all begin to understand this. It doesn't just make us sad but it makes us a little scared.

Continue reading at our sister blog, 50-Something Moms Blog.

Are children colorblind?

My mom loves to reminisce about my childhood – what mom doesn’t? In one of her favorite stories we are sitting around the dinner table and I ask her and my dad with the curious bluntness of a 3 year old “Mommy. Daddy. Are we Chinese?”

For those of you who don’t know what I look like, the picture to the left is me around the time of the “Chinese” question. I couldn’t be more vanilla!!

While my family looks at this childhood quip as hysterical, it also raises the questions – Are children born colorblind? Do they have innate racial biases?

Being a 4th Generation Orange County Gal from the suburbs, my upbringing wasn’t very “colorful.” I was part of the majority, so I can see why I had no clue what being Chinese meant. I’m sure the circumstances would be different for an actual Chinese child in the OC. (But I’m not really sure… thoughts?)

So when does the “I’m different looking than you” thing start? When do the negative stereotypes cement themselves in our kiddos?

Vlog: Moms, kids and pets

A simple Pineapple Martini toast to all the moms who give their kids the gift of pets. Whatever the pet, whatever the size, whatever the mess.