Orange County Moms Blog

No rest for the weary...

As I sit to write this I have a 2 year old asleep on the sofa, a 1 year old asleep in her crib, and a 6 week old asleep in my arms (yes, she is lying across my arms as I type). And I'm laughing at the difference a first child/pregnancy is to a third child/pregnancy.

With my first I was walking in heels, kicking up my feet at the end of the office day, catching a nap at lunch, never missing a girls trip, a shopping day, or fun date night restaurant with my husband. Being put on bed rest at the end of my pregnancy, no big deal - a pain, but not a problem. And we were so fortunate to have a night nurse help out occasionally once she was born. We went everywhere - every trip, every event, every invitation - baby in tow.

But my third, ummmmm....not so much.

A SV Moms Group Book Club: Just Let Me Lie Down by Kristin van Ogtrop, editor of REAL SIMPLE

While many of us moms don't want to engage in the debate about whether to be a working mom or a stay-at-home mom...or somewhere in between, it is a topic we often talk about. Do you miss out on things in your children's lives if you decide to be a working mom? Are working moms more crazy and stressed? Oh, it depends on your perspective, of course. Join us today as we discuss the book Just Let Me Lie Down: Necessary Terms for the Half-Insane Working Mom by Kristin van Ogtrop, editor of REAL SIMPLE magazine.

In addition to the posts below, SV Moms Group bloggers have had the pleasure of spending a bit of time with Kristin van Ogtrop during her book tour. Some of us caught up with her in Chicago, when we were there for our Chicago Moms Blog brand/blogger event and when Kristin was there for REAL SIMPLE's 10th anniversary party. Then a few of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog bloggers were invited to join Kristin van Ogtrop for lunch in Palo Alto, California last week. A leisurely lunch in the California sunshine was certainly not any of our usual happenings and we thoroughly enjoyed it...although we then all had to rush off to the next appointment, to school pickup, to conference calls, to blog about socks with large holes in them strewn all over our houses. To top it off, Kristin joined the entire network of SV Moms Group bloggers on a conference call to talk about her book, whether 21st century mothers live in a state of ambivalence and/or guilt, how to be happy with your choice, the fact that many of us are lucky to HAVE choices...oh, the conversation could have gone on and on. But, of course, it was time to hang up and get back to the chaos.

Here are what the SV Moms Group contributors have to say today, all inspired by the book Just Let Me Lie Down:

• Anna Grace from Chicago Moms Blog leads us off, defining balance: that ubiquitous and frustratingly vague state of equilibrium, when all the parts of your life are working in perfect harmony
• Emily from West of the Loop asks: Is ambivalence the default state of mind for a twenty-first century mother?
• Melissa from Life with Sophia examines the definition of "benign neglect"
• Lisa from Grandma's Briefs enunciates the love
• Jennifer from Ramblings of a Semi-Conscious Mastermind Mommy asks to work or not to work?
• Zoeyjane from Mommy is Moody waxes poetic on little boxes made of ticky tacky
• Cristie from The Traveling Circus has green, green grass
• Jennifer from Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology educates us about popular sayings moms use and what they mean
• Melanie from tales from the crib reminds us that if mama aint happy, aint nobody happy
• Rebecca from Life With Boys has a favorite line from this book: "Pie Chart of You"
• Joan from Just The Right Things read a whole book!
• Garima from Mommy In Making is thinking of simple things
• Evonne from Arlington Mama determines that magical thinking is not just for preschoolers
• Kristine from Mommy Needs Therapy or a Bottle of Wine asks whether the mother of a special needs child should have a career
• Lisa H. from Hannemaniacs calls their bluff, among other things
• Eunice from Random Walk Down Mommy Street lists the top ten reasons she is a bad mom
• Sue from Laundry for Six thinks this is the best title ever
• Grace Duffy from Formerly Gracie confesses that it's not that she doesn't love her kids, but...
• Meghan Harvey from Meg's Idle Chatter discusses love and laughter
• Stacy from Laptop TV Mom has "corporate seepage" in her house
• Linsey from Me Too You has a guilt factor

Chicago Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please go here to join in the discussion.

Past SV Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• National Geographic's Green Guide Families by Catherine Zandonella
• Top 100 Finger Foods and Top 100 Baby Purees by Annabel Karmel
• The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman
• The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex by Kristen Chase
• Coco Chanel & Igr Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh
• See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
• Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the SV Moms Group Book Club.

We are all winging it. Expect differences.

I have a good friend, I have lovingly nicknamed "Amish Mom". Let me explain the origins of her silly nickname......Amish Mom has chosen to have one TV in her house. And this single TV in her home (we have three ) does not have a Wii, Playstation or an XBox connected to it. Her kids are not killing aliens on the one computer (we have three of those too) in her home, nor staring into cell phones, iTouches, IPods, Gameboys or PSPs at the dinner table. Because they don't own any of those items. 

You see, Amish Mom has made an unconventional choice to keep her children as electronically distraction free as possible. Don't get the wrong idea, Amish Mom is not the churn-your-own-butter-homeschool-in-the-basement-mommy-will-make-you-a-prom-dress lady you might be picturing, although her kids did give my kids a weaving  LOOM as a Christmas present once, but I digress.... The reality is that she is a sophisticated cultured business woman who has every reason to jump on anything that would make her life as a working mother of three easier. And let's face it- these electronic toys make parenting EASIER in many ways. Not only are they perfect time wasters in restaurants and car rides, but they act as strong collateral for reinforcing discipline decisions. The phrase "Put down that Gameboy until your homework is done" can be heard in millions of homes across America.

Now Amish Mom and I are very close friends. We share similar tastes in design, parenting styles and even ethics and yet we differ on this one parenting decision. To sum it up, I am pro EVERYTHING with

When the Earth Shakes

We had a minor earthquake in Orange County last week. It was a 2.7, but the epicenter was in Costa Mesa, so our house felt quite a jolt. But I don't think that thousands of Southern California residents who had to recover from swinging chandeliers and tilted artwork really warrants calling it major, in light of recent events. Nevertheless, we felt it, and I am glad it's over. There have been three earthquakes in Orange County since I survived the earthquake in Haiti, and each one has left me shaken up (no pun intended).

So many sweet friends emailed or texted on Monday night to make sure I was okay. And I do realize most people were worried about my mental state more than my physical safety - and many were worried about my son, who also survived the earthquake in Haiti. The good news is that all four of my kids were already asleep on Monday night (as they were during the one on Easter - aided by the sugar-induced diabetic coma they had slipped into after grazing off of their Easter baskets all morning).

Gracias Dora

Si, gracias Dora y Diego for doing my job.  I know, sounds sad doesn't it?!?  As a Latina mom, who is fluent in Spanish, I have failed miserably.  My husband, who is fluent in Tagalog, has failed miserably.  How could I have let this happen?  My kids speak no Spanish or Tagalog.  The little Spanish that they do know, they owe it all to Dora and her primo, Diego. Imagine that?

The other night, Sarai looked up at the sky and saw the moon, and told me, "Look mommy, the luna!" WHOA! I thought that was SOOOO cool.  I asked her where did she learn that word (hoping she would say me), she said "Dora". Ugh, I had that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. My eldest first learned his numbers in Spanish, only because I was working at the time and my mom was babysitting him. My little ones know some words here and there.  Besides the obvious words like Tacos and Burritos, they know uvas (grapes), fruta (fruits), chonies (underwear), Sopita (soup).  Jonah knows more since he's in school, but doesn't speak it on a regular basis.  Oh, but he can count to 5 in español (:

I rest at the thought of knowing, "If they ever do go to Mexico, at least they won't starve and they won't go without underwear"! lol

Reason #2113 for living in Southern California

Not that there aren't a million other amazing places to live, but we are truly blessed to live in Southern California. 

I have 3 children.  They are 2 years old and younger.  I have no business adding anything else to my daily "To Do" list as I can barely keep my head above water as it is.  But living where we do, I just could not help adding a "4th child" to our home.

Over the past few weekends, my husband has been building raised planter beds for me to have a vegetable garden.  You're laughing I know, but our neighbors have a beautiful vegetable garden and my parents have just planted theirs (which my 2 year old LOVES picking strawberries), and I have vegetable garden envy.

Though my husband and I have never attempted this before, my dad very clearly told us, a "We live in the PERFECT place for a garden! All it needs is warm weather and good watering, and it will take care of itself."

So we built the beds.

And we finally planted them this weekend. 

OC Half Marathon Here I Come!

 

A funny thing happened about three months ago.  I committed to taking the time out of my hectic “stay-at-home-and-also-try-to-work-at home” life to do something completely just for ME.  I became a runner.  

Well, if we’re being honest, at my pace, I should probably say “jogger” but “runner” sounds more empowering so please humor me.  On Sunday, May 2nd, after 3 months of training I am going to run 13.1 miles in the OC Half Marathon.  I am scared to death, but also crazy excited to cross that finish line. This week I have actually been pretty emotional about it and just writing this makes me tear up. Mostly because I have realized it has been about more than just pounding the pavement.  I feel like in this experience, I found myself again.

I started running for the obvious physical benefits.  You know, get in better shape post-baby, feel stronger, have more energy, etc.  All that has been true, but what I wasn’t prepared for was the mental and emotional impact it would have on me.

When I started training, I told myself that this was going to be the one thing in my life just for me. I called it the answer to my "Momlife Crisis."  So if I can help it, I NEVER bring my kids in a jogger.  I will go to great lengths to go at odd times or arrange help, so I can run alone.

And, what that has meant is I actually have time to THINK again!  In fact, the more I got to THINKING about it, the more I realized in the last 3 years and 10 months since my firstborn arrived, I have not had much time to really think!  My days are sooooo busy....always go, go, go!  I am mom all day, then blog at night, and sometimes mix the both throughout the day, and when the day is done I have not had one spare minute to myself.

These past 3 months, I have had time, good chunks of time, where it is just me, the Back Bay and my iPod. It feels really therapeutic to have the time to actually process linear, uninterrupted thoughts!  I think about my kids, feel grateful for my husband, plan out dream vacations, think about the future, write my blogs in my head. I can analyze and ponder.  Dream and plan.  It has been in this time where I feel like I have found myself again.   Isn’t it funny how we don’t even realize we are lost until we are found? 

On that Sunday I won’t care about my time. I just hope my feet hold up and will be thrilled to just be able to finish.  And when I cross that finish line, you bet there will be some tears, because when I see my family waiting there it will be like coming home.  In more ways than one.

This is an Original Post to Orange County Moms Blog.  

When Jen is not running the Back Bay immersed in her thoughts, you can find her blogging about fun finds & amazing giveaways at her personal blog Tiny Oranges.  You can also find Jen on Facebook & follow her on Twitter. 

How real is Facebook?

As I read through my friends’ statuses of the day, I comment here and there, I think to myself how the cute pictures are and about how fun it is to stay updated, via the web, with folks I don't see in person as often as I used to. But how REAL is Facebook?

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with the site. I love that I can shoot out a playdate invite to a group of Mommies and everyone can chime in with ideas places and times. I hate that I can’t go to the park with the kiddos without the fluffy status of “Another awesome day in the So Cal sunshine playing with the kiddos.” I mean, can’t I enjoy a piece of pie without a picture and with the word “yum!” under it!?!

Yesterday my Facebook status read “Eating malt-o-meal with applesauce, an orange, and a Cadbury Creme egg (or two) with a glass of milk for lunch. Don’t judge.” I thought, “Gee, I’m being so funny and cute!”  I knew no one would actually judge me. And if they did, I would get comments like “LOL, those pregnancy cravings” or similar not-so-sinful admissions like “At least you had malt-o-meal. I had a Big Mac!”

What if I really put things on there that could be judged? You know, the things I don’t want people to know because… well… they are embarrassing or show my flaws.

If You Can't Afford to Pay for it with Real Money...You Have No Business Getting it Done!

I wasn’t really trying to listen in on their conversation… but after a while it became hard to not listen to what they were saying.  Yes, the economic downturn has affected Orange County, CA in a major way.  I don’t know anyone whose family hasn’t been touched in some way, either by a layoff, a pay reduction or some other reduction in financial security.   It’s the topic on everyone’s minds these days so it’s not unusual to hear women talking about their home being foreclosed on while their kids play at the park or sip on a coffee at Starbucks.  It’s just reality around here and not just fodder for The Real Housewives of Orange County!

As I sat there pretending to be immersed in emails on my iPhone, I overheard one of the women mentioning that they didn’t have the money to pay the movers the remaining balance to get their furniture out of storage.  I heard her say over and over again how hard the past few months had been.  I couldn’t help but notice her perfectly manicured acrylic nails, salon perfect hair and obvious cosmetic surgery she’d had and wonder whether it was “real” money spent on those items or just paid for with equity lines and credit cards.  Don’t misunderstand me… I have absolutely nothing against those things.  My beef is with spending fake money for it.  If you can’t afford to pay for it with real money… you have no business getting it done!   If you can’t afford to pay a couple thousand dollars to get your furniture out of storage how can you rationalize manicures, expensive hairstylists and a shopping budget that would feed a small village?

A Dose of Reality

 I'd like to preface this by letting you all know how hard it was for me to even write about this subject, let alone read about this topic, but I thought that with Mother's Day around the corner and the fact that this is a Mom-centric site that we might all benefit from a little heart-string tugging. I recently read an article on CNN.com (and this subject has been all over the news, not just CNN.com) about a court fight being waged over a brain-damaged mother's triplets and her right to visitation. What I read in the article was absolutely heart breaking, and here's why.

The story goes that Abbie Dorn was a healthy and athletic young woman whom always wanted children. In June 2006 she got her wish, with Triplets. But unfortunately she had a complicated and difficult birth, which left her severely brain damaged. During the delivery Abbie began bleeding severely and went into cardiac arrest, which deprived her brain of oxygen. Medical personnel were not able to resuscitate her for nearly 20 minut. After she was revived, her condition initially seemed to improve. But over the next three days, she took a turn for the worse.