NYC Moms

The Vaccination Question has No Easy Answers

Cross posted from the Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Every day I receive reports in my email box about various autism biomed treatments or the latest cases involving vaccine-injury. CBS Evening News has an exclusive story on the second round of cases that went to court today alleging a causal relationship between child vaccination and autism cases. Meanwhile, the recent outbreak of whooping cough (pertussis) at the East Bay Waldorf School has people chattering about vaccines from a different perspective.

I usually stay silent about the various debates because I don't see a clear answer and because these issues are too close for comfort. I've experienced these questions as a parent and studied neuropharmacology, immunology, and other such subjects as a graduate student. I've been brushed off as a "desperate mother," yet have seen firsthand how environmental stimuli can play a role in characteristics that fall on the autistic spectrum.

Before I became a mother of a child diagnosed with PDD-nos, I was respected as someone with two Ivy-league degrees, one of them a Masters of Medical Science. But once my son came along, since I put him on the Feingold Diet and questioned the vaccine schedule, I became an uneducated fool in the eyes of many medical professionals.

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Not Just A Mom

....cross posted from our sister site, Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

It always seems around this time of the year, that I ponder the whole motherhood thing. I go back and forth between feeling powerful in the role of being a mother and powerless at how moms are perceived...But this year has been different on many levels..

Yesterday as I was talking with a group of people at a family running event, one of the dads mentioned his wife to me and said something to the effect of "Just a mom". He was actually complementing how amazing his wife was to give up a career to be a mom, but it hit a nerve with me. Feeling the power of my parent blogger network and specifically one of the pledges in the back of Maria Shriver's book "Just Who You Will Be?', I said in a clear and steady voice "Never say Just". To confirm another reason why this year is different, a fellow mom friend of mine standing in the group said "Yeah, you are talking to a mom who blogs and was just interviewed on Forbes.com".

heh.....

I wondered why it took being a gadget obsessed mom interviewed by mainstream media about being a gadget obsessed mom to feel validated on a new level. But the secret to my sense of power is not only in the interview, it is in the "Groundswell". Charlene Li a fellow Silicon Valley Moms Blogger and co-author of the book defined Groundswell as the "social trend where people use technologies to get things they need from each other, rather then from traditional institutions like corporations".

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Mom Apprentice Wannabe

Cross posted from the Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Jumping off the partner track at a consulting firm to tackle motherhood was the right career decision, but there are times where I long to be a consultant again. This craving comes on strong while watching The Apprentice series on television, to which I am addicted. Just the night before last, I watched the season finale of Celebrity Apprentice, still dreaming of when Donald Trump will announce next season's theme: Mom Apprentice. If I were picked for that show, I don't know what I would look forward to most - the challenge of the business cases or the absence of carpool duty for a few weeks.

Maybe the next show should take businessmen and put them in charge of kids for a week. Now that would be fun to watch....

For now, I will just have to settle for the challenge of re-inventing a career that works with motherhood... Finding a workspace when my former home office is now the twin's bedroom... Learning to ignore the piles of laundry in front of me while I work on my laptop... Blackberrying work emails while waiting in the school carpool lane. I was hopeful to learn about the new work/life balance web site past Apprentice judge Carolyn Kepcher created, which includes a grant program for women entrepreneurs called Seeds for Success. I may just have to apply.

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Vasectomy regrets

...cross posted from our sister site, Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

My husband and I have been happily married for almost 10 years, have four great children and are pretty sure we’re “all done” (to quote my 2 year old). We are also only 32 years old, love being parents and would welcome a fifth child with open (although stretched) arms. To top it off, I am decidedly maternal. I always wanted a big family; six or seven kids, at LEAST, ha ha. However, after going through the last two pregnancies with an extreme separated pelvis (a debilitating and very painful condition!) and with my cholesterol being 379 un-medicated, we decided it would be the most responsible thing to declare our family complete. After almost two years of debate between us, each taking the pro-con stance in turn, we finally, kind of, decided to go for it. However, it was more like- Brian decided he was ready and I decided to stick my fingers in my emotional ears and say “na-na-na-na-na” until it was over. That, I learned, was my mistake.

I wish someone had told me what I might feel like after it was all said and done....

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Now this is going waaay too far!

.....cross posted from our sister site, Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

First off, a disclaimer: I work in the game industry. I keep tabs on what's going on in the game market to see who the competitors are, how the sales numbers look, etc.  Also means I see what will come out in a few weeks or months.  It's fun to be in this business, especially since I enjoy playing games.  All good, right?
xxxxxx
This morning, I read an article on Times Online (UK) about a game website.  My jaw dropped and I am still shaking my head at the absolute absurdity of some in my industry who will go anywhere/do anything to make a buck.  The internet is buzzing today (NP, New York Magazine, Guardian) over this.
This website has an estimated user-base of 200,000 since it launched last month in UK aimed at girls aged 9 - 16.  They already have 1.2 Million users in France.   That's great for any website but what really disturbs me is that it attracted so many young girls so fast when it "encourages girls as young as 9 to embrace plastic surgery and extreme dieting in the search for the perfect figure."  Argh!  We have enough body image problems without having a website where, according to one of the founders, David Evans, "the story in the script had been created by “lads” and no professional advice was sought about how girls may interpret issues surrounding weight loss and gain."  Idiots!

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A Dear SAHM Letter

...cross posted from our sister site, Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Dear SAHM Moms,

I am pretty sure I am a good mother, I do the best I can.  I do juggle work and raising a family - but I think I do it well and it works for my family.  That is most days, not every day, sometimes I am haunted by flippant remarks you make, sometimes cruel and even judgmental.  I play it over and over in my head, the stinging comment you say, always with a smile on your face. I can always think of a better come-back, a funnier response, oh and in my head I am always dressed better.  Often though I wonder why you would say such things to me, I would never say these things to you. 

Do you remember last year I donated a gift basket to an auction for your school?  My company actually donated the basket, a large selection of products we make - the basket was worth about $150.00.  I did not know you very well, but I was happy to donate when you asked me to.  We have talked on occasion at local events and such, I have enjoyed your company, until you made that comment.  You came to my office to pick up the gift and we started discussing school, homework, you know the "Mommy speak" we do.  If memory serves me right, I think I was complaining (shocking I know) about my son's work load at school and a project I forgot we needed to do.  Your response (and yes I am quoting) was,"OH, my children get really good grades, I make sure the homework is always turned in, but I have the time to do that since I am a stay-at-home mom.  That is my job."

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What would you tell your daughter(s)?

....cross posted from our sister site, Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

It's quite disturbing how much news a 6 yr old girl can absorb in just 9 seconds.  I usually listen to NPR during the morning drive to work and this morning was no different.  As soon as I was on the main road, I turned on KQED Radio and started listening.  Of course, they were talking about the NY soon to be ex governor.  I made it to the El Camino Real signal light when a little girl's voice piped up from the backseat saying, "Umma, what's a pross-tuh-pu-shun ring?  Can I get one?  But I only want it if you say it's OK.  OK, Umma?"

O. M. G.

Ever have one of those moments where you feel like you've come unstuck in time and everyone around you is moving really really slowly?

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Do you know what kind of deal would need to be made to get me to stand next to my cheating-ass husband during a press conference?

....cross posted from  MOMocrats to our sister site, Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

This whole, sordid Eliot Spitzer affair has me thinking about The Wife. As in Silda Spitzer. As in Suzanne Thompson (Mrs. Larry Craig.) As in Hillary Clinton. (Really, I could go on and on.)

They stand next to their husbands in a symbolic gesture of support, eyes cast downward, as their husbands look teary and apologize to the public for letting themselves, their wives, and their families down.

Allow me to direct you back up to the title of my post.

What a deal must have been struck to make these women stand with their husbands? I would've been somewhere on a beach in Hawaii with my kids while my husband was making his statement. ALONE. Ain't no way I would have been standing behind him clutching my pearls.

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The Maternal Response

....cross posted from our sister site, Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

I'm standing in line at the supermarket this morning when I hear "Mommy. Mommy. Mommmeeeee!" I look to my left and see a little boy about 3 years old tugging at his mother's shirt. She is talking with a man in front of her--it seems to be someone she knows. The little boy continues trying to get her attention. She continues talking. The little boy becomes more desperate, tugging urgently now, and beginning to get a little louder. Over and over he calls to her. Over and over she ignores him.

I begin to feel a physiological response to this event in my body. It starts in my stomach and moves to my chest. I am becoming mildly distressed at the fact that this little boy's mother is completely ignoring him. I think to myself: "Can't she just say 'What?'" Can't she put a hand on his head to let him know that she heard him?" Okay. She's busy. I'm sure she'll respond to him when she's done talking to the man. Nope. She finishes talking and continues ignoring him. Now he starts to whine. MoOMMMMMMM.....

I feel a strong maternal urge to respond to this little boy's calls, even though I'm not his mother. I want to put a gentle hand on his head, look into his eyes and say, "Just a minute." I want to do something, anything to let him know that he has been heard and to acknowledge the fact that he needs his mommy. I do nothing. I stand there and wish that this mother would respond to her son so that he doesn't feel ignored, unimportant, or unloved.

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