Oprah gets it

I love Oprah.  I've always loved Oprah.  But until today I had never heard a non-mom express so well how hard it is to BE a mom.  It's one of those things that's just really really difficult to get until you do it.  I thought I knew what it was going to be like to be a mother, but I was clueless.  It never occurred to me that the thing I would most want as a mother was half an hour alone in the bathroom.

Oprah has always said that she has a huge amount of respect for moms.  This is a woman who has a schedule that would make most people cry, who has overcome an incredibly tough childhood to be one of the most successful people in the entire world, who ran a marathon, who runs an empire, who seems to be able to accomplish pretty much whatever she puts her mind to.  And she has said that she doesn't have what it takes to be a mom.  (For the record, I think she's wrong.)

On Monday's show about the secret lives of moms, she mentioned something that really hit home for me.  She talked about how every day, mothers come to her show, to be in her audience, and she is awed by what it takes to get them there: finding someone trustworthy to watch the kids, finding something to wear, managing to arrive looking clean and pretty.  I see celebrity moms on red carpets who have kids and I wonder if they had to lock their offspring in a closet before they could start getting ready.  If I had a gown on, with my hair and make-up perfect, I wouldn't be able to let my kids within 10 feet of me (30 if there was food or magic markers within throwing distance).

I'm so glad that someone gets how hard it is to leave your kids for a special occasion or a trip.  I don't mean hard emotionally - I cherish the time I get away from my kids, because it happens so infrequently (isn't there a country song called "How can I miss you if you're still here"?).  I mean logistically.  I'm going away for four days at the end of the month (I won a contest from Hidden Valley Ranch!), and being gone involves so much planning it's stressing me out.  Since I work from home and am almost always around to shuttle the kids from here to there, we don't have a regular babysitter who can drive them to classes and appointments.  I know lots of moms who travel for work all the time, but they have nannies who know how to run things when they're gone (one actually had to call the nanny to ask where her daughter's dance class was).  If I could even find somebody I trusted (all of the good ones are working!) I would be breaking in someone new.  I would be so stressed trying get this new me up to speed for a four day absence I don't think I could take it.

So, my husband is taking a few days off to take care of the kids.  This isn't exactly the easy way out, though.  He's gone all day at work, so he has no idea what goes in their lunches, what our son has to do for homework, what our daughter wears to dance class, who gets to pass out the vitamins on which day, where and when speech therapy is, what day show and tell is...the list goes on and on.  But at least I don't have to leave him an entire page of instructions about keys and alarms, so getting him up to speed will still be easier than a babysitter.

Once I actually leave for the trip, I'll be fine. But my God, I'm dreading the weeks leading up to that point.  So I'm glad that Oprah gets it.  As far as I'm concerned, any mother anywhere who manages to get out the door looking halfway put together or with a packed suitcase is ahead of the game.

This is an original post to NYC Moms Blog. Amy also edits the NYC section of Famplosion, blogs about parenting in Brooklyn while keeping herself sane and comfortable at Selfish Mom, and attempts to keep one step ahead of the stalkers and paparazzi at Filming in Brooklyn and Examiner.com.