Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

My dear baby girl, what will I tell you about sex when the time comes? So many things.

I will write them now, when you are three months old as I swaddle you in your sweet innocence and try to take care of you the best I can. First, I will tell tell you that sex, while most of the time should be pleasurable physically is not always worth the emotional pain. I will tell you that sex does not always equal love, even though it should. If you ever are confused or have a pregnancy scare, you can talk to me and we can solve any problems that may arise or raise any baby together, no matter what the circumstances. I will tell you that sex is power and that if you give it away too soon or nonchalantly that you will loose that power. I will tell you that sex, like drugs is addicting and can be abused - and beware, addiction runs in our family, so watch out. You don't need emotional hangovers or to endanger your body or soul because of sex.  I will tell you that the safest sex is no sex at all, but most likely you will not listen and experiment for yourself and you will find that while you may be in love or feel beautiful and grown up because of it,  you will outgrow your partner or get bored and move on to the next lover which will create a cycle of hurt for the boys and wear you out in the process, perhaps giving you HPV, herpes or any other ailment that can threaten your fertility and cause unecessary surgeries along the way, even if you do get a vaccine or use a condom.

I will tell you that oral sex, both given and received is still sex, no matter what any man or former president may tell you. I will tell you that you that your body is perfect and that you are sexy even if you don't have sex or maybe even because you don't have sex. Don't confuse sex with sexuality. Lingerie and high heels are a girl's best friend and you will enjoy plenty of those if you are indeed my daughter; you will be sexy because you feel sexy. You will be confident, and therefore beautiful, even on days when your legs aren't waxed or your roots done (I'm assuming you won't stay blonde) because you will have the inner strength and fire that will light up many rooms, not just bedrooms.  You will bring men to their knees and get many compliments and professions of love. Maybe someone will even write a screenplay about you or take you to Paris on a whim. Don't let any of that lure you or make you feel guilty into having sex with them. Also, sex is not a sport. If you need physical diversion, I will encourage you to ride your bike long distances through the city or to take up rock climbing. Conquests don't only  come in the form of men.

I wish I could tell you that your father was my first and only. As you will probably figure out by the time you are old enough to read this, he was not. I sure wish he was. One day, you too will find your perfect partner who will love you for who you are, not what your past indicates you should be. His strong arms will be the only ones that ever mattered and his adoration of you will help you to become the best person you can possibly be.  You will love him so much, and he you,  that you will feel nothing or nobody ever existed before him anyway -- but  the ghosts of memories will try to haunt you and try to detract from the love that has become so pure. You too will have this love, this perfect sex, that one day, will also create someone as beautiful as you.

This is an original post to NYC Moms Blog. Alexandra is a freelance writer who lives in Brooklyn with her family of four.