Revolution Anyone?

It’s time for the Revolution.  We need to end the so-called Mommy Wars and start a bona fide Mother's Revolution.  We are all fighting for our children, our families, our place in the world.  The question is why are we fighting each other?

Really, who started the Mommy Wars?  Who gave it such an idiotic name as if one group is armed with rolling pins and the other with laptop computers.  Mommy Wars?!?  Even the name is insulting. And don't get me started on the labels:  Working Mom. Stay-At-Home-Mom. Work-At-Home-Mom. It's like a bad commercial, "Hi. I'm a work-at-home-mom..."  We all work. We just do different things that keep us busy and give us satisfaction. 

Women need to stop this self-destructive so-called-war and start a meaningful Revolution.  Whether single, married, divorced, with or without kids, women need to realize we cannot survive without supporting one another as women and as individuals.  To quote a former president, “Tear down that wall.”

The Revolution begins when we stop making excuses for the choices we make. We chose to work. We chose to stay home. We chose to be conflicted about the choices we make. We surrender the dreams we had when we were in our twenties to be a medical chief, a law-partner, a public relations executive.  We make choices to scale-back our careers and work 60 hours not 80, to go on field trips rather than day trips, to have two kids not three, to live in the suburbs though we swore we never would. Embrace it. Own it. Respect it. Grow from it.

Why have we given any credence to these so-called Mommy Wars? Someone explain it to me. Is it a crusade, each side trying to convert the other to its brand of religion? Is it a civil war and if so what is the end goal? To be the best mom you can be in the face of the thousands of challenges life tosses your way every day?  Is that why we're allegedly fighting each other?

Let's sow the seeds of this Revolution. Let's change the dialogue starting with the language.   From now on, there are no longer any so-called "Mommy Wars" there is now a bona fide "Mothers Revolution." To be part of it you have to love your kids and want to create a happy family whatever shape it takes.  From now on, there are no WM, SAHM, WAHM -- we are all Working Moms however you define it, whatever you do.   "Part-time" is hereby renamed a "condensed work-week."   A "job-share" is now a "dual-talent-work project."   There is family business and company business and both have equal value. A ballet recital or doctor’s appointment is family business and you needn't make any excuses when you take an hour to attend to it. 

For this Revolution to succeed we have to be honest with one another.  Correct me if I'm wrong but after an informal poll of mothers (margin of error plus or minus 3%), we all think we’re flawed. We are all finding ourselves. We are complex, multi-talented, multi-faceted women with many moods. In the course of a day we may feel powerful, vulnerable, happy, sad, frustrated, elated, angry, accomplished, successful, or totally useless. To be defined solely by whether we stay at home or work outside is ludicrous. Let’s stop feeling guilty about our choices and learn to support and defend one another. Then we all benefit.  We all succeed. And most importantly we change the dynamic and maybe make the world better for our children and the choices they will someday make.   

Original New York City Moms Blog post.