What Did You Do Today?

An innocent question. Yes. But, for whatever reason those five words can stir up the most amazing flurry of emotions when asked by my husband.

I work part-time from my home. So, on days when I’m working, I happily rattle off the 30 things that I did to move my business forward, to financially contribute to the family, to boost my sense of independence, etc. But on those days where it’s just me and little T, I falter.

“Um, well…I took T to the park. And um, fed him. And Oh! I went to the post office!” My husband's eyes glaze over and I see him look at me quizzically, and then ask, “did you shower today?” I look down, and reply, barely above a whisper, “no, I didn’t have time.”

My husband is not the problem here. He is truly interested in what I do during the day – no matter what it is. And he’s truly interested, for lots of reasons, as to whether or not I have showered. I, on the other hand, am the problem. On the days where it’s me and my boy, I can’t seem to get a single damn thing done. Oh, except care for my son and our family's every need.

There’s the rub, yes? We, as mothers, don’t see the “things” that we do for our offspring and our families as “accomplishments”! Maybe since we feel we are obligated to do them, whether we want to or not, we cannot view them as productive to-dos, and feel a bit silly “checking” them off. Maybe it’s because the tasks themselves seem like no-brainers, and we rarely look at the whole of the effort it takes for us to DO IT ALL.

As I sat in line at the post office the other day, waiting for the package that they couldn’t seem to deliver after many attempts (even though the slip was put in my mailbox when I was home!), I started thinking: THIS is where my time goes….and THIS is why I am not proud of it. Can I really call standing in line at the post office an accomplishment? Someone has to do it, right? I see the post office worker walking back towards the window with my “package” in her hand, and I realize that it’s a telephone book. “Oh, no….seriously?” I say, calculating the lost time in my head. She replies, “I just had to see the look on your face!” Nice.

So that night, when my husband asked me what I did that day, I proudly stated all my tasks, including standing in line at the post office to pick up a free phone book that I will never, ever, use. I feel that we must reclaim the value of all of these seemingly mundane tasks in order to reclaim our value as mothers. And then maybe, after looking at the long list of checked boxes at the end of the day, we’ll all be proud to answer that question: what did you do today?

Rebecca Rodskog is a NYC based personal life coach, change management consultant, actress and mom.  For more information, check out www.rodskog.com.  She also contributes for The Well Mom.