What Did You Do Today?

An innocent question. Yes. But, for whatever reason those five words can stir up the most amazing flurry of emotions when asked by my husband.

I work part-time from my home. So, on days when I’m working, I happily rattle off the 30 things that I did to move my business forward, to financially contribute to the family, to boost my sense of independence, etc. But on those days where it’s just me and little T, I falter.

“Um, well…I took T to the park. And um, fed him. And Oh! I went to the post office!” My husband's eyes glaze over and I see him look at me quizzically, and then ask, “did you shower today?” I look down, and reply, barely above a whisper, “no, I didn’t have time.”

My husband is not the problem here. He is truly interested in what I do during the day – no matter what it is. And he’s truly interested, for lots of reasons, as to whether or not I have showered. I, on the other hand, am the problem. On the days where it’s me and my boy, I can’t seem to get a single damn thing done. Oh, except care for my son and our family's every need.

There’s the rub, yes? We, as mothers, don’t see the “things” that we do for our offspring and our families as “accomplishments”! Maybe since we feel we are obligated to do them, whether we want to or not, we cannot view them as productive to-dos, and feel a bit silly “checking” them off. Maybe it’s because the tasks themselves seem like no-brainers, and we rarely look at the whole of the effort it takes for us to DO IT ALL.

As I sat in line at the post office the other day, waiting for the package that they couldn’t seem to deliver after many attempts (even though the slip was put in my mailbox when I was home!), I started thinking: THIS is where my time goes….and THIS is why I am not proud of it. Can I really call standing in line at the post office an accomplishment? Someone has to do it, right? I see the post office worker walking back towards the window with my “package” in her hand, and I realize that it’s a telephone book. “Oh, no….seriously?” I say, calculating the lost time in my head. She replies, “I just had to see the look on your face!” Nice.

So that night, when my husband asked me what I did that day, I proudly stated all my tasks, including standing in line at the post office to pick up a free phone book that I will never, ever, use. I feel that we must reclaim the value of all of these seemingly mundane tasks in order to reclaim our value as mothers. And then maybe, after looking at the long list of checked boxes at the end of the day, we’ll all be proud to answer that question: what did you do today?

Rebecca Rodskog is a NYC based personal life coach, change management consultant, actress and mom.  For more information, check out www.rodskog.com.  She also contributes for The Well Mom.

Comments

[Nicole/wksocmom]

Oh man, a phone book. It's funny because when I saw your post title I thought about how I ask that question... I'll walk in to a full sink, dishwasher, unfed kids and no milk and try so hard not to say "what did you do today?" until it can sound like a more innocuous question.

[Adelaide Morgan]

I love love love this post...it's amazing how hard it is to answer that question, and worse, the pressure I put on myself to answer it before anyone else asks it.

[Jessica]

I am so with you. Those words should be striken from use in a marriage. I also used to loathe the question I received when home with just one baby years ago: So, what do you DO all day? That phrase was the horror of all horrors.

But now that I have two kids aged 2 and 4 and have various semi-pro projects from the home office, anyone who seriously asks that question will be immediately and mercilessly Tased.

[Kirsten]

Great post. It's such a loaded question. I definitely include the mundane tasks in my accomplishments...someone's gotta do it. Add working to the mix and i'm lucky if i can remember what i fed the kids for breakfast

[Kimberly]

This question makes my claws come out - esp. if asked so innocently by my mother. Don't know why.

It should be banned though!

[Linda]

OMG the post office/phone book story is hysterical and definitely worth telling word for word, especially if your child was with you. That's a feat unto itself! Ha!

My husband learned quickly that the correct question everyday should be: How was your day? Then I proceed to tell him all the mundane things of our day: park, store, playground, walk, dinner, etc. What I do all day is raise the kids and manage not to lose them in the process. Score a point for me!

[Jamie Lentzner]

My husband asked me this once, and I swear I have never let him forget it. My son was a baby and it was a time where I ran out of the house and left it a mess (read un-made bed, dishes in sink and toys out). Great post!

[Andrea]

Oh, I hate that question, too! Standing in line anywhere, but especially at the post office for a phone book (OMG), makes me insane just thinking about everything that has to be done each day. I need to let go of some of that...

[Beth Schoenfeldt]

Thanks for reminding me just to surrender to it and find the humor

[Sarah Granger]

If we're lucky, my husband and I remember to ask each other that question once a week... usually we're too busy with the little things that add up to accomplishing nothing, like the laundry, rinse, repeat. And more often than not, when we do ask each other this question, it's in a mode of jest in reference to the June Cleavers of another time.

[Amy (from Gracobaby)]

I think just spending time with our little ones is the biggest "to do" that we can check off our list. I'm on maternity leave right now and while I definitely don't get as much done when I keep my older son home, I realize that I'll never have the chance to do this again -- WAY more important than anything else on my list!

[Nicole]

I love this post!

I read it when you first wrote it-
congrats on the recognition and for giving a great answer to:

what did you do today :)