Mom To Humans First, Cats Second

Please don't judge me. I am one of those people who "can no longer take care of their cats." Today, Leroy and Barney are going to a new home. As I write this, Leroy is curled up next to me, purring into my pregnant belly. I am heart broken and so is he. He knows what's up.  See, what happened was, I had a kid. Before my boy was born Leroy and Barney were the center of our young married couple lives. They weren't even my own cats, my husband's crazy ex-girlfriend left them behind. But I have raised these children, er, cats as my own. I would bring home the discarded anchovies from my Cesar salads. I cried when I thought Leroy was going blind or that Barney was having a stroke (ends up they are less coordinated than most felines) I would pour milk in fine china saucers for Barney and let him sleep on my silk scarves. It was cute when Leroy wanted to sleep on my chest and lick my face with his raspy tongue. Now, not so much.

Now, I see cat hair everywhere, even in my kid's underwear. Sweeping up kitty litter tracking is no longer a simple side-effect and cheery chore. Feeding, cleaning, loving yet another set of beings is hard. I don't want to. Am I a bad person? At night I want to be left alone; when I am all done with my day of cleaning human poo and puke I don't want to clean cat poo and puke. my nurturing for the day has been exhausted. I don't want to brush more hair or clip another set of nails and neither does my husband. We also would like to sleep. After we finally put the boy down for the day- who starts acting up? The Cats. I also want to add that I think I am ready for some nice undestroyed furniture and bedding.

New York City is inundated with homeless animals. Some will die in cages, some will be put to sleep. I will spare you all the statistics  and the lectures, but getting these two cats adopted together as 10 year olds took over a year and a half. Everyone wants kittens or just one cat (we tried separating these brothers but it was bad for everyone) and animal rescue people basically tell you to go you know where when you tell them the reason you are putting them up for adoption. That is if they even return your calls. The one shelter who did call back (the ASPCA, I think is a farce), the North Shore Animal League, was very supportive and honest: they would die in the cages of depression within three months, she has seen it, as two adult cats are the most difficult to place. Another "animal rescuer" who did return my voice-mail called me terrible names and made me cry and told me to put my human child up for adoption.

These guys, especially Leroy, have been with us through a lot. Leroy let me moan into him and clutch him into my chest for 12 hours of labor.  Barney has caught me a fine mouse in his day. They know they are no longer my number one.  We are all a little tense around here. They hate my son, since the day he came home they ran and hid and now putting up with his toddler antics put them over the edge- so much so that these most docile of cats who have never so much as hissed at anyone have take a few swipes at the boy.

They are going to a better place (no, I am not sending them to cat heaven, although some suggested euthinizing) where they will have lots of attention and space and no toddlers.  I know this, but  still I am sad  and will miss the lonely nights or sick days when we would all cuddle up. I will miss their ecstatic greetings at the door (which don't happen when I come home with a kid and stroller in tow). And I am sure I will even miss their crazy antics such as running laps over my face at 3 am. I am making this sacrifice for my family, for my sanity. I mean, human kids eventually leave home; can't this be like that?

I will say this: please adopt adult cats from a shelter if you are considering getting cats. Please make sure they are spayed or neutered. When you adopt them think ahead 5, 10, 15 years. This is a really hard and painful decision for us and not one that I wish upon any other family or pet. There were heated arguments amongst family friends and even strangers. I worry that I am making the wrong decision because I once judged people myself who did the same before I was in this situation. I'm just trying to be a good mother - to my real kids.