National Go Back to Bed Day

You know those mornings that you just can’t seem to get out of bed and seriously consider calling in sick, if you had a job?!?

It's not that I'm a "bad" morning person -- not by choice, trust me -- as long as there's a cup of coffee handed to me within the first few minutes of entering the bathroom with the morning paper...I'm good.

When I finally do regain the power of speech -- typically, this happens soon after taking a very hot shower -- and after ridding myself of stray facial hair and morning nose...I'm better.

Then, the kids wake up.

This is about the time when -- after careful consideration of the vast amount of demands that will undoubtedly be put upon me physically, mentally and/or emotionally that hasn't already been compromised from the day before -- I seriously think about petitioning for:

"National Go Back To Bed Day!"

Yep.

I mean, hello -- U.S. House of Representatives -- if there can be an "International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day," why can't there be one day, where tired, frustrated moms (and dads) like me can just, you know, go back to bed.

Why?

It's SO HARD to get up in the morning, when you just know that the day will, undoubtedly, get progressively worse.  Oh, and it doesn't help that I'm getting totally wigged-out about the price of...well...everything and even feeding my kids a healthy meal is becoming complicated.

Throw us a bone, or something?

Here, I'll make it a little easier for you, declare that:

MM/DD/YY National Go Back to Bed Day will be observed -- by both morning people and night owls, alike -- with celebrations held in remembrance of those long ago days when productivity ruled and a mom (or, dad) still had plenty of time left to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Celebrations will include a self-imposed exile to the nearest bedroom, sofa or favorite chair of your choice.

Because...DAYUM...but, some days can work on a parent's last nerve!

[heavy sigh]

Then, just when you thought you'd blown your last wad, it's good and you even get your little ones to school early!

"Ho-wee cow...we are first in line!"

Doesn't happen often, though.

You even had time to bop to one more song from the Jonas Brothers - they ARE a couple of Jersey Boys, you know!

"You are the fun-nest, best-est mommy in the whole wide world!"

Yes, and your smile is still a mile wild, until the teacher opens the door wearing pajamas and...yep...you guessed it...you frickin' forgot it was "Pajama Day!"

"Ohhhhh nnnooooo...Mommmmeeee...I don't have my 'jamas...ohhhhhh maaaa-yaaaan...I knew it was gonna be one-a-doze-days!"

Having a lot of "doze" moments, lately?

So, you run back home and gather all the pajama party essentials and try to get back some of that "morning mojo!"

Until your cell phone rings.

"I have Thing Two here in my office and she's not feeling so well...no fever, though...would you like to speak to her?"

Ugh.

But, everyone is feeling good enough to finish out the rest of the afternoon, even though the school nurse sounds a little tired, too.

So, you spend a little more private time (with your computer) and manage to finish the rest of your errands, including picking up 4 kids (from 4 different schools) at the same time, because it's easier (stupid Board of Ed and their dumb ideas of doing away with neighborhood schools) and SNAP!

There goes that last nerve.

"I...can't...breath...so...good...Momma."

So, your 12-year-old is sicker than you thought -- oh, and you're about ready to have a heart attack -- because, her face is much whiter than this morning and...WHOA!...you get back on the phone...and scroll for the doctor's number really quick, because her lips are just way too gray!

"Can I play a few minutes?"

You grab backpacks and push passed the crowd of "walkers" and their moms and dads - they look tired, too.

"Um...no...so sorry, Bub...but, we have to take Thing Two to the doctor."

And -- for the first time in a very long time -- you witness a full-blown canipshin...as people stare you down and make mental notes...never to have you...or, your 9-year-old and ONLY son...over again, if ever!

But, you manage -- because, shh-yah, you have to -- and get to the office (before it closes) to find that, thankfully, there's nothing wrong with Thing Two that a little Gatorade, a bit of stomach relaxers and a whole lot guilt-induced ass-kissing couldn't cure.

"That'll be $$."

Looking...looking...emptying purse...checking pockets...shaking down kids...nope...you guessed it...no money...no checkbook...you left the house with nothing, again!

It happens, a lot.

"That's okay, Mrs. Thompson."

But, it just so happens that you have the coolest Pediatrician in town.

"We all have those days."

She's so, you know, motherly.

"In fact, it's been a busy day...very, very busy."

She DID look awfully tired, though.

"I'm going home and putting myself to bed."

Perhaps I won't have to lobby so hard, after all.

"Besides, I know where you live!"

Yeah, there are days when I really, really do NOT want to get out of bed.

"Turn out the lights, on your way out, okay Mrs. Thompson?"

But, it's nice to know that I'm NOT the only one.

"Good night, Doc!"

Going back to bed, now

[yawn]

Who's with me?

Original New Jersey Moms Blog post, Liz is a SAHM (an oxymoron, really) a columnist for the Imperfect Parent and also writes (in UPPERCASE) at thisfullhouse.com