Pomp and Circumstances Beyond Our Control

When my four kids started school in September - one of the happiest days, in my life - I encouraged each of them to choose at least one recreational sports program, as well as have them get involved with an after-school activity, or club.

Today is the last day of school - the other happiest day, in my life - and it feels like Christmas, all over again and yet I can't help but feel as if I may never make it to BlogHer, in one piece!

"Stop running up and down the bleachers...stay away from the parking lot and...NO!...you may NOT invite a friend over, after the game!"

Seriously, the vibe here -- at This Full House of late-night shopping, lost choral arrangements, missed girl scout meetings, last-minute-projects and Hail Mary passes into the next grade level -- has been extreme, at best, and I do believe that getting through the rest of the week may very well come close to killing me!

What was I thinking?

For those of you without children, I apologize - it's not that bad, really - and if you're a parent, then surely you've come to learn that (no matter what, where, when or how many) raising children is a challenge.

What, with all the time and effort that we each put into our families, especially when satisfaction is not immediately realized!?!

Yeah, I know.  As long as my kids are happy, healthy and living a reasonably comfortable life - even though they don't know it, just yet - but, would you believe it if I told you that my husband and I feel that our ENTIRE family has gone crazy.

Because, they...I mean...we are going absolutely nucking futs trying to keep up with, you know, everyone else's schedule!

My youngest daughter turned 7, last week and my oldest daughter's 8th grade graduation was yesterday (thankyouvermuch) so, naturally, we would want to give the rest of the family an opportunity to celebrate our children's milestones, you know, with us.

Actually picking a date, that works, WITHOUT pissing off at least one person and then NOT feel as if I'm drowning in self-pity...not so much.

[throwing up the white flag]

It doesn't help when other parents refuse to throw me a line...rope...bone, or something!

[arms waving]

Please understand that I, in no way, mean to insinuate my parenting skills are any better than, well, the persons sitting behind me at Thing One's graduation, last night, for instance.

[chatter...chatter...ha-ha-ha...more chatter]

Yes, they grow up so fast.  No, I don't think the bleachers are very comfortable.  Yes, it's not a very big graduating class.  No, I can't quite understand (or, hear) what the Validictorian saying, either. Yes, I DO believe that you smoked pot in school.

No, I didn't say it out loud - because, I am a mom and a dork - but, I'm a firm believer in early education and was desperately trying to set a good example for my other children, sitting next to me.

Then, the commencement began (thank you, Jesus) and parents were asked to kindly hold their applause, until the end.

Riiiiiight.

"Yeah, right, good luck with that one...I'm gonna clap...you gonna clap?!?"

I leaned over to my husband and whispered in his ear.

"Why do we ALWAYS have to sit next to these people?"

No, I didn't know them (personally) but, you can learn a lot about a person by, you know, just sitting within earshot.

"Yeah, my knees need fixing, there's an abscess in my back and the doctor told me to lose 50 lbs. first!"

See what I mean?

[clap, clap, clap]

Then, around the time they started handing out diplomas to kids with names beginning with the letter "B", the shouting started.

"Yay, Stephanie!"

Look, I know that this is a very proud moment, but some parents just don't get it.

"STEPH...UHHHH...NEEEEEE!"

Since, they're much too busy yelling for their kid, to worry about you having to hear yours, or possibly are the reason why you find that you've suddenly gone deaf and missed your special moment...AGAIN!

[FWEEP!]

Then, the whistlers show up.

[BUHFWEEPBUH]

But, it was the air horn that really iced my cake.

"What the..."

[BUHFWEEPBUH]

What?

"I think she's up, next!"

[chatter...chatter...ha-ha-ha...more chatter]

"SHHHHUSH!"

[eyes go wide]

No, I didn't say that, but someone did and I wanted to kiss that someone right on the mouth!

"Don't you SHUSH me, honey!"

[blessed silence]

Then, I heard Thing One's name called - no shouting, whistling or air horns - she grabbed her diploma, walked back to her chair and then it was over...just like that.

"Woo-hoo, Thing One!"

Then, somewhere around the letter "V" our newly 7-year-old stood up on my lap and started clapping!

"Shhhh....you're a little late."

But, she was still clapping.

"Yeah, but she can still hear me and I am soooo pow'd of her!"

One beat, two beats.

[shrugs shoulders]

"I love you....THIIIIIIINGONNNNNNNNUH!"

No, I didn't say that out loud - because, I am a mom and a dork, remember? - but, I believe my 7-year-old expressed our feelings, perfectly.

"Well, thank GAWD that's over with...what's for dinner!?!"

Yes, I understand.  No, of course there are no hard feelings.  Yes, I am really, really glad that school is over.  No, I have still don't have a clue what we're doing, or who's going to even show up on Saturday, or maybe I'm just too tired to care, anymore!

[shrugs shoulders]

Besides, I was desperately trying to set a good example for the other parents, sitting next to me and too busy planning a packing list when I go to San Francisco, next month.

I hope there's cake!

This is an original post to NJ Moms Blog.