Mommy Needs MORE Monster Spray!

The thing about having 4 kids - and being hard pressed at being able to choose just one - is that, at the end of the day, odds are at least 1 is going to bed...hungry.

Not so much for the lack of food (thank you, Costco!) as my kids can count on finding at least a couple of cereal bars or a stray bag of fishy crackers lying around, somewhere.

Unless the dog finds it, first.

Then, rest assured, the Doofus is spending the night in his crate and at least 1kid will be going to bed...wanting more...and last night was no exception.

Mini-Me (she's 6) wanted more dessert; The Boy (he's 9) wanted to watch more television; Thing One  wanted more time, "ALONE!" because, "OMG," she's 14!

[FYI:  All three of my girls share a room]

Thing Two...um...speaking of my 12 year-old...where was she?

Brushing her teeth, straightening up the bathroom and getting ready for bed.

Hmmm.

Okay, well...at least one kid IS willing to do more.

Until.

"Okay, gang...lights out!"

Lots of groaning and...well...do we have to go over the "more" list, again?!?

"Um...Mini-Me...can I borrow your Monster Spray, tonight?"

The Boy hates going upstairs, alone, but the girls are simply getting to old for their brother to be sleeping in their room and he isn't getting a brother anytime, soon...either.

[knocking on wood until my knuckles bleed]

So, along with the idea of investing in a bottle of Ye 'Ole Monster Spray, a friend of mine was kind enough to give us a really cool bed that her son had outgrown and I surprised my son (he's a big time NASCAR fan) by setting up his new race car bed!

Viola, all was right with This Full House of many sleepless nights and extra screws!

Until.

"Mommy...Da Boy said to sweep tight and not wet da bed bugs bite...and now I can't get to sweep!"

And the Monster Spray was brought out of hibernation and put to work, once more!

"What...are you a baby or what...don't tell me you STILL believe in that stuff!?!"

What?

"Who said that?"

I came out of the bathroom, looking for bear, and stopped dead in my tracks!

"OMG...Thing Two...and I can't believe you just said that to your little brother?!?"

I handed the Monster Spray to The Boy, tucked in Mini-Me, turned off Thing One's reading lamp and got into Thing Two's face.

"It doesn't matter what he believes, as long as it get him through the night, it worked just fine when you needed it."

Lights out.

So, two 2 of 4 were able to get to sleep (thank you, Monster Spray) while 1 tried to figure out whether or not she'd be able to finish her Science paper during breakfast and one...um...speaking of Thing Two...what IS up with her?

As I tried to finish another page of the book I was reading - having read the same sentence 4 times and still not having a clue what in the heck it said - I reached for my tea, then lost my page after having nearly jumped out of my skin to see Thing Two standing next to me.

"Jeez Louise, you nearly scared the...um...oh...what's wrong?"

Her lips were quivering and the tears welled up in eyes as she fell into my lap and started to cry.

"Sorry...I'm sorry...so sorry..."

Holy crap!

"Whoa, hang on...it's okay...your brother gets it...and we're good...so..."

But, the more I talked...well...it was obvious to me that this wasn't just about the Monster Spray.

"Oh man...look at those shoulders!"

She lifted her head and, nose to nose, she blinked fast as she stared straight into my eyes.

"Look how they're sagging...like, they're so heavy...like, they're doing too much...and they've had enough...and more than they can bear, huh!?!"

Keeping excellent grades, sharing her bed with her baby sister, the first to volunteer and play a video game with her brother, and trying to keep her mother happy, by always doing more.

Well, it's way too much.

I pulled her into the chair, shared my blanket and read 2 more pages, with Thing Two.

Years ago - soon after Thing Two was born - after friends of ours asked us to be Godparents to their 4th son, someone once told me:

"I think it's selfish to have so many children...there's no way you could give each of them your full attention!"

Perhaps.

There will always be 1 kid, who needs something -- and, boy, it can get pretty needy around here -- but, having these children is perhaps the most "unselfish" thing my husband and I have EVER done.

If only there was a monster spray, or industrial strength assvice repellent, that would work...you know...for life.

Lights out.

Lights on.

Oh, and I wonder if "You're A Stupid, Selfish Bitch" comes in a can?

Lights out.

Original New Jersey Moms Blog post, Liz is a SAHM (an oxymoron, really) and also uses her mommy voice (in UPPERCASE) at thisfullhouse.com.