When they are just finding their way: protecting our children when they need it most

Thanks to a piece of bread, I avoided an argument with a mother last week.

When I attended my churches' Mother's Day banquet, I sat next to the mother of three young boys. Our talk turned to the topic of school. I asked about her eldest as I dug into my salad.

"He's having a tough year," she said of her eight year old. "The other boys pick on him and he doesn't want to go. Sometimes he gets really angry at us." I could hear the pain in her voice.

"Why don't you home school him?"

"Oh, no. I couldn't deal with him and my husband thinks he needs to be in school, so he can learn how
to cope."

At that point, I concentrated on spreading the half-frozen butter on my roll so I could stuff it into

 

my mouth as quickly as possible. I was sure if I didn't put something in there quickly, I was going to
stick my foot in it.

Learn to cope? He's eight years old. Does one so young have the mental and social grace to properly
handle school bullies?  My guess is no.

His father wants him to handle it, and he is alright, just not the way the dad imagined. The boy is
fighting back, but not at school against those causing him pain. Based on what his mother told me, I
believe his anger at home is the result of what he is experiencing at school.

And since when did the purpose of going to school become a lesson in Social Survival 101? This boy
needs to focus on his reading, writing and math, not how to make it through the school day
unscathed.

I believe as parents, it's our job to protect these tender young ones when they are just finding their
way in the world, when they need our protection the most. I don't home school my children out of fear
of violence, nor in a paranoid sense that I can keep them protected from any teasing, but it's sure a nice benefit.

We all remember Columbine High School. I've lost count of how many other schools suffered a similar
fate with students seeking revenge with a gun. When I went to school, I had my share of teasing in the
early grades. I remember a few of my fellow classmates enduring trauma no child should have to go
though, especially in a classroom. Cruel stuff. I wonder now if their parents knew what was truly
going on. 

Remove the boy from the bullies and watch the anger disappear. I can only pray his parents figure out
it out before it's too late. 

And in the meantime, I'll keep stuffing food in my mouth, so I don't put my foot in it.

This is an original New Jersey Moms blog post. Monica is just another opinionated Jersey girl with access to the Internet.  She likes soft rolls still warm from the oven, topped with lots of whipped butter. Paper Bridges is her personal blog.   

Comments

[Rox]

As someone who was bullied in school (for being pulled out for the gifted program), I agree wholeheartedly -- with the boys' parents. I am resilient today because I worked with my parents, teachers, and school counselors on how to stand up for myself. While I will always remember the hurt of being bullied, I will also remember how I didn't let them win.

I respect those who decide to homeschool their children, but I don't think that avoiding difficult situations is a very convincing reason. Gen Y was so coddled that they can't take rejection in the workplace now! At some point, homeschooled or not, kids go out into the real world, where not everyone is nice, and where mommy isn't always waiting to help them feel better. Yes, eight years old is a bit young, but so is twelve, and sixteen... There is a teaching opportunity for the community surrounding this boy, and I hope that opportunity is seized rather than avoided or wasted.