Parenting Makes You Bipolar

I've just spent a good chunk of time reading The Crazy Chronicles, a series of posts telling the story of a mom who was recently committed to a mental institution for attempted suicide. This is not the story of a severely disturbed person. This is the story of you. The story of me. The story of any Mom.

Crystal's ordeal is frightening as well as inspiring. Because, honestly? A LOT of us moms have ghosts in our closets. A LOT of us feel overwhelmed. A LOT of us want to cry out for help. But instead we look at our lives - our comfy suburban lives - and wonder what in hell we have to complain about. We feel guilty for feeling anything other than domestic bliss. We internalize it and shoulder it and we just. move. on.

Parenting is demanding, stressful, challenging, exhausting, joyous, exhilarating and rewarding. Parenting itself is bipolar. One moment your child is sweet and adorable and the next instant he is the devil. It's astounding how many times I go from joy to rage during the course of a day. It can't be healthy.

But I move on. I secretly wish I would get sick or hurt so I could spend a few days in a hospital and get some rest and quiet. I secretly beg for help, but don't feel like I have the right to ask for it. There are days when I bring my A-game to parenting, when I soak up these little mirrors of myself and stand in awe of them. Then there are days when I can't muster more than popcorn and movies.

I move on. We all move on, doing the best we can and hoping it's enough. And it probably is.

We've grown up in a time when self-help and parenting advice is everywhere. That's good and bad. Good in the sense that there is a ton of information available for the taking. Bad in the sense that so much information leads many of us to compare and criticize ourselves into a frenzy.

So I move on, trying to strike a balance between guilt and pride, ambition and complacency. I'm a good mom. I'm a bad mom. I'm a mom who has it all, and I'm a mom who needs help.

Original New Jersey Moms Blog post. Shannon homeschools her son and daughter and tries to stay sane by escaping into her laptop. Here personal blog is PHAT Mommy.