I Am My Kids' Mom. But...

When my son was born nearly 9 1/2 years ago, I followed the Dr. Laura Schlessinger mantra of "I am my kid's mom." What this meant, in a nutshell, is that I believed it was my duty as a parent to put my life on hold in order to be there for my child in every sense of the word.

I now have a second child, a 3 1/2 year old girl, and I homeschool both my kids. I am not only my kids' mom, I am their teacher, their housekeeper, their cook, and their taxi service.  I love watching them learn and grow and experience life. But I've definitely evolved from the Dr. Laura mindset.

Making the decision to become a stay-at-home mom was easy for me. I had always dreamed of being the perfect mom, engaging my children with educational play, spending carefree afternoons at the park, and creating a tasty, healthy dinner each evening.

But I've found over the years that staying a stay-at-home mom is not so easy. Engaging your kids in educational play? TIRING. Carefree afternoons at the park? BORING. Cooking a healthy dinner each night? YEAH, RIGHT.

Somewhere between happily strolling my 9 month old around the neighborhood and breaking up the umpteenth sibling fight, I discovered that I need more. I love being my kids' mom, but the daily routine of feeding them, cleaning them, disciplining them, and driving them around to activities and playgroups is turning me into a type of mom that I don't want to be: cranky, bitter, sad.

When you really think about it, children don't need an omni-present, perfect parent. They need a good role model. They need a mom who is happy with who she is.

And so I say to Dr. Laura, I AM my kids' mom, but my kids will learn so much more from seeing me working passionately at a job that I love or coming home energized from a workout than they will from seeing me grumpily washing dishes and serving them meals.

Original New Jersey Moms Blog post.

Comments

[Liz]

You had me on, "But!"

[Jill Asher]

what a wonderful first post....

My husband and I have had so many conversations about this... yes, I am my kids mom. We are our kids parents.... but at the end of the day, we all need to be happy and content with our lives and choices... and if mommy and daddy are not happy and content, our children will suffer.

And by the way, there is no perfect parent... no, not even Dr. Laura (who is not really a shrink, but that is for another post...)

We all do the best we can and hope our kids turn out to be healthy and happy adults....

great post.

[andi]

Wow! I absolutely loved this post! I thought I wanted to be a SAHM too. I'm in Canada so I have a year of paid maternity leave. Anyway, after the year off with my first child, I went back to work part-time. Then out of financial necessity had to upgrade to full-time. I was mortified and felt like I was letting my daughter down.

But you know what? It was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was not meant to be a SAHM. I am a much better, happier, more fulfilled mother and person when I'm working outside the home. It works for me. :)

[Vanessa Druckman]

What a great post. I completely agree with you. The most important thing for your children is to have happy parents who are fulfilled in their lives and not plagued with guilt and bitterness.