A while back, I posted about my challenges fitting in as a kid and my fear about how my kids would experience that in their own lives.
This weekend, one of the girls I thought was a good friend of Kaia's had a birthday party and Kaia wasn't invited. Turns out Kaia didn't even know about the party even though all of the girls she hangs out with were invited. That is she didn't know about it (or that she wasn't invited) until I couldn't keep my mouth shut and asked her about it.
I couldn't help it. As soon as I heard, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Why wasn't she invited? What happened with her and her friend? Why has Kaia been outcast?
Stupidly, I asked Kaia if she knew about the birthday party. I just HAD to know. She looked up at me with surprise that there was a party and I wanted to curl up and die out of shame. Why couldn't I keep my obsession to myself?
Kaia doesn't seem to care that she wasn't invited, but I can't help but wonder if she's just holding in her sadness. I'm sad, how can she not be?
I hope she is really fine with it. That she has not inherited my old insecurities. And that she understands better than I do that not getting invited doesn't mean anything at all.
I also hope that somehow I can stop myself from interfering again. That the next time something like this happens I can deal with my own emotions and approach it like a grown up. I'm praying that I don't call the little girl's mom in a moment of weakness and ask her why my daughter wasn't invited to her daughter's birthday. Pray with me.
Please God let me be as mature as my 9 year old and let it go.