LA Moms Blog

Middle-schoolers: the lost years

When I tell people that my oldest daughter is 12 and in 7th grade, I see their faces shape into horror and then pity. My own parents seem to delight in seeing me try to dissect this time. My friend that is now a grandparent just shakes her head. My friend that's a principal and spent many years with middle-schoolers assures me that it's all normal, and we'll get through it.

Still, that's pretty much all the support and advice I get. Just grin and bear it.

There is a multitude of resources available to learn about our children in the years from 0-5, and almost as much for the high school years, but the resources nearly dry out for our elementary graduates.

Thanksgiving Tradition

When my family and I arrived in this country we had to learn a LOT about tradition. I remember opening the door on our first Halloween and wondering what people wanted. The following year I got the opportunity to experience trick or treating and I remember thinking, "Wow, you just knock on peoples' doors and they GIVE you candy??? America is awesome!!!" 

My mom tried her best to make it possible so that we could experience these traditions, Thanksgiving being one of them. She worked at a small mom and pop printing company while my dad stayed in the Philippines to help support us. Only now, can I "really" appreciate all her efforts to take care of four girls, by herself, in a new country. I knew it was hard work but now I have a deeper understanding since I've become a mother.

My mom found out from her co-workers that for Thanksgiving you had to bake a turkey, make stuffing, and have pumpkin pie. Therefore, she went out and bought all the ingredients so that we could celebrate with the rest of America the next day. They left out one little detail, the fact that most people enjoy this meal later in the day or even closer to evening time.

Toddler Groups

Lately all the chatter in my Mommie Group has been about pre-schools. We are all trying to figure out which ones to apply to, when, how, what the process is and finally the big question, how do you get accepted? Being Jewish I naturally am looking at Jewish pre-schools, which immediately limits my options because of proximity. The best Jewish pre-school, in my opinion isn't far from us. And we hope we will get in.  So I at least have answered the first few questions in the process. Its the getting-in that is so nerve wracking. There are limited spaces available and many people applying. So you just hope that the numbers work out and everyone gets to send their children to this terrific place!

Many of my Mommie Group friends, however, have not narrowed the choice down and are really overwhelmed with this process. And I can understand. There are so many options available to us. The big question is, if you aren't sure which pre-school you want to go to, how do you know which toddler program to join? Part of getting into many of these pre-schools is participating in the toddler program and staying in the toddler program. Granted they are usually one day a week. Does this mean that if you are considering three pre-schools that you join three toddler programs? And what if the dates conflict?

Not The Face! Anything But The Face!

My son, my first-born son, my angelic-faced boy broke his front tooth today playing on the schoolyard. And I can tell you that I had no idea I would care so much about a tooth. But just seeing it chipped off at an angle made me burst into tears. It's such a shock to see his little mouth so jagged-edged; I think of him in a much smoother way. The fat lip and dried blood don't help, either.

In case you've never broken a tooth (or had a child whose done so for you), apparently you can't glue the broken piece back on and call it a day. Since he's 10, and still growing and hasn't lost all his baby teeth yet, the dentist will put on a bonding compound that will be a little plastic replacement for his old chipped tooth -- ps, that will only last as long as he doesn't eat any apples or other hard food for the next few years, while we wait for his body to fully grow up so he can get a veneer to replace it permanently.

This I learned in a frantic call to the dentist. I guess it's applesauce from now on.

SV Moms Group Twitter Party - Sunday, November 15th from 4-7pm PST

SV MOMS GROUP TWITTER PARTY!!!  Sunday, November 15, 2009 from 4 - 7 pm PST!

Join us as we give TONS of great stuff away - including a HP Photosmart Premium with Touchsmart Web All-in-One printer, a single-serve TASSIMO hot beverage system from Bosch, tickets to the fabulous Wicked musical in San Francisco and much, much more at our Twitter Party that is going on in conjunction with our SV Moms Group / Chevrolet Holiday Party this Sunday.

Check out SV Moms Group Holiday Coupon and Product Guide to view a list of ALL our party sponsors!

Sunday, Nov 15th
   4 - 7 pm PST

Follow us on Twitter at

@SVMomsGroup

Hashtag #svmomschevy

See you at the party!

What is the 'Circle of Moms?'

As my kids grew older and I became more involved in launching my business, I realized that I owe so much gratitude to the ‘circle of women’ I met online and have grown attached to. I started my Internet endeavor completely alone. However, I continue to produce and flourish within a group of brilliant and fascinating women who all work and play in the social media world.  I wrote this book because I am in awe of how the Internet can change lives and truly touch the human soul.

I'm very excited that I actually got to meet some of the women who were in my book! The Internet has truly broadened my reach to other women.  My current book: “The Internet Mommy: Inspiring Interviews and Stories from Mothers Who Work and Play Online,”  explores how social networks influence the way moms make money, view life, find friends and raise kids in today’s digital world.

The moms who contributed content my book- ranged from tech-savvy to irreverent to spiritual. Regardless, all of the moms had a point of view and words of wisdom to share. The wide-ranging content comes from A-list sites including TwitterMoms.com, a savvy social networking site for moms; I’m Not Obsessed, a popular celebrity mom blog; TechMamas, a technology blog with a parenting slant; and White Trash Mom, the mom who is on a crusade against perfection.  There is a long list of truly clever ideas from truly clever women.

Style? What Style?

Shopping with my 13-year-old can be a trip... to the psychiatrist. I have learned to keep my opinions to myself and let her find her own style.

If only.she would return the favor. Last week, while shopping for new shoes (for her), I happened to look longingly at a cute pair of boots.

"That's not your style," she sniffed.

She has a point. I actually don't have a style. Shortly after she was born, we obtained a mortgage and lost a second income. She has rarely seen me wear anything but jeans, t-shirts and trainers. That doesn't mean I don't like stylish clothes... I just don't have a lot of budget for anything that isn't purely functional, nor many reasons to dress in anything that isn't casual.

I AM NOT ADOPTED--JUST NOT A SUPERMODEL!

My older sister stands at 5'11 and is a size four. Her stomach is concave and I'm pretty sure the only muffin top she's ever experienced is the blueberry kind behind the bakery counter. She has long wavy (easily straightened) brown locks and perfectly sized perky you-know-whats that have never had to be poured into an unsexy minimizer bra. She has a passion for fashion, exquisite taste and obviously the body to make it work. No sweats for sister. She is always looking fabulous even if she simply throws on jeans and a sweater. Oh...and she is truly one of the kindest, wisest and most beautiful (inside and out) people I know. She is my best friend, my confidante and the greatest blessing in my life. 

It wasn't always this way. Growing up in the shadow of my super-model sized sister was tough. I felt less than, ugly and sick and tired of everyone always asking me if we were really related. But maturity, some therapy, a supportive mom and a stint away at a university where no one knew I was Lisa's sister helped me to move out of her shadow and into my own light. Then, I lived in San Francisco for six years where no one knew about my super svelte sibling so I kind of forgot about the daily dealings with people and their stupid, incessant comments. 

Jumping into the Fray

O.K. I've held off for quite a while, now, about the H1N1 virus and vaccine, quietly reading the many posts about it and the comments about these posts. I've given my opinion on a couple of the seizure/epilepsy list serves that I'm a member of and been silenced a bit by what I believe is hysteria and fear. I even responded to an advisory put out by a very large, national epilepsy group, expressing my anger that parents of children with neurodevelopmental conditions do not have nearly enough information to make informed decisions about this virus and the vaccine for it.

 This space is not sufficient to really voice my opinion in a careful and nuanced way, balanced by facts and history, but I can probably summarize. I have a fourteen year old daughter who developed a severe seizure disorder shortly after her initial round of vaccines at two months of age. As you might know from my blog, we have never found a reason for her seizures AND have never found a treatment for them. She is profoundly disabled as a result, and despite trials of eighteen medications continues to have seizures just about every day. We stopped vaccinating her when she was about six months of age. After a year or so of largely fruitless treatment for her seizures, I began to look for alternatives and found an osteopath who changed her life and mine, steering us toward more holistic health care. As a result, her general health improved dramatically.  She stopped having ear infections and weathered colds and fevers without increases in her

Exposing the Ft. Hood Tragedy

Cross posted from our sister blog, DC Metro Moms Blog.

I grew up in a military family.  My father was a career Air Force officer, as was his father.  My brother joined the Army a few years after high school and served two tours in Bosnia before he got out.  Of course then he gave my mother a heart attach by turning around and joining the Ohio National Guard.  Thankfully, he returned from a tour in the Middle East late last year. My husband spent 20 years in the Navy - 3 on active duty and then 17 in the Navy Reserves.

I also happen to live in the Hampton Roads area of Southeast Virginia, home to one of the largest concentrations of military and veteran families in the country.  I'm actually hard pressed to think of a close friend in the area that isn't associated with the military.  

In my professional life, I'm the New Media Director for Blue Star Families, a non-partisan, non-profit dedicated to empowering and supporting military families.  My community, online and in "real" life, is the military community and my community is hurting right now.

We don't know what caused Major Nidal Hasan to open fire in a soldier readiness facility on the U.S. Army's largest facility.  I don't want to speculate.  Besides, the reason for Hasan's actions is largely irrelevant to the Ft. Hood families affected by the tragedy.  For them, and for many of us, the tragedy is incomprehensible. 

But what I do know is that military families across all of the services are stressed beyond belief.  While I no longer have to deal with the threat of activation and deployment, I've watched friend after friend try to hold things together for 6 months, a year or 18 months at a time, only to do it all over again a few months after a service member's return.  Deployment after deployment is hard on a family, particularly families with children.  And when a soldier, sailor or airman (or woman) comes home, nothing is immediately easy.  Families have to readjust, learn new routines, and all too frequently help a service member cope with injuries.  Families also deal with the unseen wounds of war such as post-traumatic stress disorder, traumatic brain injury, and even secondary PTSD, a form of post-traumatic stress disorder that can affect care givers (such as spouses, nurses and doctors) constantly dealing with the trauma of others.

Read the rest of this post at the DC Metro Moms Blog.

Women's Rights

A few nights ago I was at an interview by Los Angeles Magazine with Matt Weiner, the Creator of Mad Men. The show is set in the early 1960's and even though the show is called Mad Men, it has a lot to say about women of the era and the challenges they faced. It got me thinking about women's rights, where we've come from and how far we still have to go.

I think many people of my generation (that would be the Generation X) were born right as women made great strides in achieving equal rights. Movies like 9 to 5 still depicted rampant sexual harassment in the work place in the 80's. It's really only been the last 25-30 years that women have achieved some level of equality. Women still only make 70 cents to the man's dollar.

Flu, Flu Everywhere, But Not a Shot To Take

One of the mothers at my son's elementary school was talking about the swine flu and said she wasn't planning to get her children the H1N1 vaccination.

"I'm not an alarmist," she said. She hasn't given her kids the flu shot before and she isn't planning to now.

I am an alarmist as this blog I wrote at the beginning of the outbreak will attest. But it's hard to know what to be alarmist about – the virus itself or the vaccine.

Family portraits

Not long ago, my stepson brought a flyer home from school. It informed parents that on the evening of Picture Day, the photographers would be back at the school to take family portraits for those who were interested. Of course, the flyer came home the night before this was supposed to happen, so there wasn't much time to plan. Besides, he and his sister would be at their mom's house the night of the photo event, but the notice came to his dad and me, since it was sent home on one of his days with us.

Families like ours aren't unusual anymore, but they can - literally - be a bit tough to picture.

We didn't go to Portrait Night, but I think there's a good chance that if this event had been scheduled on one of my husband's nights with the kids (and we'd had a little more notice), we might have tried to have pictures taken - and I honestly would have felt a little weird about it. We have snapshots of the four of us, but formal portraits have a certain significance, and that's what makes me unsure. When my husband and I got married, we did get a few photos done of the two of us together with all three of our respective children - his two, and my one. In my thinking, that's our little family: his and mine, all evened out.

Healthy Habits

I gained 38 lbs. while I was pregnant with my baby. After she was born, I lost 19 lbs. by my 6 week check-up. "This is going to be a cinch to lose!",...so I thought. I breastfed and heard of all the encouraging stories of women who lost their baby weight all because of breastfeeding. This was certainly not the case for me.

I gave myself a break. A very good friend of mine said, "It took 9 months to put on so it should take 9 months to take off." Amen to that!!! So I have 9 whole months?! This is going to be a piece of cake. In the famous words of Rob Schneider in every Adam Sandler movie "Yu kin doo eeet!" Unfortunately, 9 months came and went. Hello 19 lbs. So then I gave myself an extension. Okay, by her 1st birthday...Still there. So then I gave myself ANOTHER extension. Okay, by MY birthday! I learned very quickly that the worst kind of promises to break, are the ones we make to ourselves. I felt very defeated.