LA Moms Blog

What Happened to the Girl I Married?: Join us for Silicon Valley Moms Group's next Book Club on Friday, July 17th

Let's face it - sometimes a couple's relationship changes once they have kids. Join us Friday, July 17th as we discuss the book What Happened to the Girl I Married by Michael Miller and talk about what we think happened for our next book club.

About What Happened to the Girl I Married (from the author's website): In What Happened to the Girl I Married?, Miller steps out of his corporate executive job and into his wife’s uncomfortable shoes at home. With no staff or administrative assistants to support him, Miller’s “ah hah moments” begin on day one and become more profound with each step down the path. Through his journey, Miller offers a new found appreciation for the tireless efforts of stay-at-home mothers and clues as to why women might lose themselves in the job. For the men they married, Miller lets them connect with his evolution through humor, man-isms and motivations for change that are hard to resist.

In his journey to enlightenment in What Happened to the Girl I Married?, through both laughter and tears, Miller provides readers with:

• A revealing perspective on the job of a stay-at-home parent and appreciation for it’s unique challenges
  (from a man who never had it)
• Creative imagery and colorful examples to help communicate the job’s complexities and the feelings they can generate that are sometimes hard to put into words
• A non-threatening way for the partner of the stay-at-home parent to examine how their words and actions might be contributing to a loss of self worth and identity
• Ideas for small, manageable changes that can have a big impact on the relationship, and how the stay-at-home parent feels about themselves and their job
• A simple terminology that both partners can use to help get their love affair back on track and keep it that way

What Happened to the Girl I Married? is an honest and enlightening love story that’s funny and thought-provoking throughout. The story’s messages help heal old wounds and offer both partners a language to get back on a loving path together – and stay on it.

Read along with us: Buy your copy of the book today and get ready to discuss with us on Friday, July 17th. See you at book club!

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Read along with us: Buy your copy of the book today and get ready to discuss with us on Friday, July 17th. See you at book club!

Past Silicon Valley Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Kinder Gym – Who’s Doing the Learning?

A couple of weeks ago we went to our first out of the house play date. Finally. It was also the first day of kinder gym class with one of the kids. Admittedly, I’m a homebody, and the first year I was super paranoid about my kids getting sick. So we stayed in a lot. That made this week quite the whirlwind. I expected to be busy packing the kids in and out of the car. I expected to have fun being social with other parents. I even expected my kids to be cranky in new settings, though surprisingly, they weren’t. 

What I didn’t expect, was that kinder gym class was such a busy place! Kids and parents were crawling all over the place, up and down equipment, making ribbon sticks to wave during song time, and occasionally listening to the teacher. I broke a sweat chasing him around. But did I chase him onto and off of the climbing apparatus? No. All over the mats? No. My kid is obsessed with doors. If there is one open, he must shut it. If it is shut, he must attempt to open it. Rather than climbing on the equipment, he went to every door in the room, pushed, pulled and knocked (in case anyone was going to open it from the other side). Once he was satisfied, he stood in front of each one, waved and said, “Bub-bye”.

PBS Super Why: Behind the Scenes

The Silicon Valley Moms Group was thrilled to have the opportunity to attend events across the country to get a behind the scenes look at PBS's show called "Super Why". First we had an event in New York City and then in DC Metro. Then the events moved to the West Coast in Los Angeles and Silicon Valley.

At the Los Angeles and Silicon Valley (pictured left) events we had a behind-the-scenes look at SUPER WHY! with its Creator and Executive Producer, Angela C. Santomero, and Lesli Rotenberg, PBS' Senior Vice President of Children's Media.

PBS KIDS takes a 360-degree approach to a child's world, far beyond television, finding ways to offer a child learning opportunities throughout their day - including Web, hand-helds, books and toys, community events. Super Why was created on research-based literacy curriculum and uses an engaging approach with lovable superhero characters (Alpha Pig, Princess Presto, Wonder Red, and Super Why) that kids can relate to in order to build the fundamental skills that kids need for the "power to read".

At the event, Lesli Rotenberg (pictured right) gaves us a overview on the research and development of PBS KIDS shows and Angela C. Santomero (pictured left) showed clips from a SUPER WHY episode, walking attendees through all the elements that are needed to make shows educational and fun for kids. 

After the Event, attendees received a "PBS KIDS media toolkit" to help them navigate some media choices with their kids, including SUPER WHY! content, activities and media tools to get plugged in - or unplugged! - for the week.

The Children and Media section of the PBS website has at-home curriculum and many additional resources for Super Why and children’s media in general. PBS is also on social media such as Twitter (PBS Parents , Jeannine Harvey, Kevin Dando, Stephanie Aaronson, Angela Santomero) and Super Why on Facebook.

Listed below are blog posts written by the attendees:

• Learning With Media PBS Kids from Jane Maynard of Silicon Valley Moms Blog and  This Week For Dinner.com

• The right to choose...what your kids watch on TV from Stefania Pomponi Butler of CityMama

I'm who I am because of him: thoughts on my son's 25th birthday

I've never driven a "mom minivan" or worn the "mom uniform" (despite looking rather matronly for a number of years). My schedule isn't governed by school functions and extra-curricular activities. I'm often seen with my husband, but without the kids. There may be people who know me and don't even realize that I'm a mom. But even though I'm not on active duty these days - one child is out on his own, and two others are part-time - I'm still who I am. And at this point, I've been a mom for about as long as I've been an adult, and over half my life. I'm celebrating my 25th anniversary of motherhood this week, and I have to thank the person who made that possible.

My son's actual due date was July 4th, 1984, but he didn't express much interest in showing up that day, and he's always been one to do things in his own time. Four days later he decided he might be ready, but he was too big to make it out without help (I'm 4'8" and small-boned, and this was an 8-pound, 12-ounce baby), so he was delivered by C-section at 10:11 on Monday morning, July 9th, after 21 hours of labor. His father and I didn't know who coming, so we had names ready for either a boy or a girl, so that we could greet him or her properly. When we first held the baby a few minutes after the delivery, I told him, "Hello, Christopher Scott. We've been waiting for you a long time, and we already love you very much." (Had I known that Christopher would turn out to be one of the five most popular boys' names that year, I might have held out for something else. One of his best friends later on was actually another "Christopher Scott.") Then he left for the nursery with his father, and I was down for the count while they finished the surgery. I don't remember seeing him again till the next morning, and then the adventure began.

(I thought about making the labor-and-delivery story a bigger part of this, but it's really not the part that matters, even though much of it's still pretty clear even so many years later. The back pain that started early Sunday afternoon, and that the father-to-be didn't believe was labor until we timed it after several hours and found that the pains were intensifying every five minutes; the broken air conditioning at my parents' house, where we were living at the time, that sent us to my in-laws for a few hours until we left for the hospital; the 1 AM drive to the hospital; my query to my OB seven hours later about when he would do a C-section; but what happened at the end of it, and what followed after, is what matters.)

Do Women Who Are Close with Their Mothers Need Girlfriends?

Over the years there have been certain women who I have grown close to, who I truly adore but after a few months they literally drift away.  In all kindness, I tend to see them as flakes.  But I think I may have discovered the link that has been a mystery to me about these women.

The common traits these gals shared were:

•    They were super sweet and highly social moms
•    They were very close to their mother
•    The activities they did with their mom were things you’d normally do with a best friend (shop, do lunch, get pedicures, hang out with kids, and spend weekends, holidays and vacations together)

I’m not criticizing women who fit this description. All I’m saying is that I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why these new mommy friends weren’t accepting my offers for a mommy play date, a BBQ or a fun night out with our hubbies.  There was no secrecy either about what these moms were doing to fulfill their social needs.  They were open about how they were spending time with their moms – for example they would go to an events together, get mom’s help to redecorate, spend a ski vacation with mom, or simply state that her son can’t attend my sons party because she’s in Big Bear that weekend with HER parents. 

It's All About Control

Recently, on a mini-vacation to the Pismo Beach area, my family descended down stairs to a rocky coastline and climbed along the rocks - eroded so long they resembled blocks of wood.  We found hermit crabs residing in the nooks and crannies of the rocks, where pools of surf had flowed.   We saw seals riding the waves.  My younger son, initially leery of getting wet, was soon bounding ahead of the rest of us.  "This is easy, guys!" he cried.  I watched my older son, binoculars around his neck, walk out farther on the rocks, closer to the surf, playing out the Indiana Jones adventure in his head.  I watched my husband become a boy again, exploring the pools of water amid the rocks.  I watched.  I watched the surf ebbing and flowing.  I, who love the surf in all its drama, watched.  My girlish joy in all of this was muted, though, because I am a mom - and I was waiting for the sea I can't control to sneak in with a crashing wave and knock one of us down.

Not that I am a pessimist.  I'm not.  It's just that I am usually prepared.  My husband mocks me for it...but he will acknowledge he is a benefactor of my preparedness and the peaceful road trips that result because of it. Being prepared is a kind way of saying I need to control my situation.  And the above scenario reminded me I can't. 

The Sound of Music

I have always wanted to master the art of music. My family had a karaoke machine before it became a trendy outing with friends. I took voice classes in college and rehearsed every night.  When it came time for my evaluation my teacher advised me to go into dance instead.

I once let my guard down and belted out a tune while I was with a girlfriend and she said, “It’s so great to hear you sing because you’re SO bad, it’s funny.” (She said this while I was 6 months pregnant which makes it worse). I get it. I’m not the most musical person in the world.

Like other mothers, you want your child to have a chance to be good at everything. I listened to classical music while I was pregnant in hopes that this will have a positive impact on my future child. Sure enough, it did. My daughter loves anything musical. I mean ANYTHING! If a toy is accompanied with music she will play with it. If Faryl Smith is singing opera on the “Ellen” show she will stop in her tracks to listen. I am convinced she has learned the lyrics to the Black Eyed Peas song “Boom Boom Pow”. The Backyardigans, who’s cute little songs has gotten us through some long road trips, is one of her favorites!  When she hears music she will start bopping and dancing to the beat, not only to the beat but ON beat.

A New Sensation: Relaxation

It was Sunday afternoon, and a feeling came over me I couldn't immediately identify. I was feeling it physically as well as emotionally, and it was truly so strange to me that I had to take a deep breath and examine what was going on. Then, it came to me: I was feeling relaxed. Calm. At peace. What the -- ? On a Sunday afternoon?

Oh yeah, it's summer vacation! I hadn't properly taken into account just what a toll school takes on me, and I'm not even a student! But my usual Sunday afternoon routine of running around, getting things ready for lunches, collecting homework for the backpacks, running an errand or two, and bracing myself for the onslaught of the week ahead can now be dropped for the next 10 weeks, and I can once again enjoy the entire weekend.

For Sale: Michael Jackson

The first thing I do every morning (because I'm addicted like that) is check my Blackberry.  Today I woke up to the following message from a friend:

"A few minutes ago, I received a voucher with a Ticketmaster barcode good for 2 tickets to the Michael Jackson Memorial at the Staples Center/Nokia Theatre in Downtown Los Angeles, CA, USA. Like many of you, I gush when I think about what Michael Jackson contributed to my world of music and dance, as well as to global popular culture. However, after seeing what Memorial tickets are selling for on Ebay, I cannot in good conscience attend the Memorial. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to provide a little more to my family financially, and have always wanted to make a slightly more substantive donation to a worthy cause."

My half-asleep self thought, "Aww, that's so sweet of him to give me his tickets! Too bad I'm out of town." 

However the haze of post Fourth of July partying quickly cleared as I scrolled and read, "Only bid if you are able to produce a Money Order, a Cashier's Check, or a Check Verified by an Overdraft Line of Credit, for the full amount."

Oh really now? 

Seriously, why not just go to the memorial and enjoy it?

I won't grow up, I won't grow up, I don't care if I'm 43, I don't care if I'm 43

I went to a party yesterday and found myself having the time of my life.  Did I mention said party was for a six year old? Yes, I went to a 6 year old’s birthday party that was better than any other one I've been to in a long time. Did I also mention it has been a while since I've been to any kind of party at all?

We played laser tag. Myself, probably 4 other adults and a bunch of six and nine year old boys (who were from another party being held at the same time) and my daughter, spent a total of forty minutes yesterday shooting lasers at each other in a literal attempt to knock each others' lights out and I swear to you, there was no where else in the world I would have rather been and that includes on a date with a man who I would actually want to see again.

Here I am, 43 years old and I'm running around trying to avoid being beamed at and actually being upset that I have to wait 5 seconds for my vest to light up again because a kid named Timmy with a giant scab on his knee from when he fell off the monkey bars, snuck up behind me and got me before I could get him.  I did say I am 43 years old, right?

Childhood dreams and their parents' realities

I moved to Los Angeles at the age of 12 to "make it" into show biz. Like many to come before, and many to come after, I never quite had my big break, but I had a few tastes here and there. Looking back, and looking forward as a mother with one daughter that loves to be in the center of the spotlight, I'm quite relieved.

We all know that Michael Jackson's legacy is not without its dark spots. We've all read about the various troubles that many childhood stars have had. We blame it on Hollywood, on uninvolved parents, on children growing up before their time, and all of that probably has some truth. Yet there are also some bright spots and beacons of hope for parents of aspiring actors and musicians to turn to: Ron Howard is a great example. Sarah Jessica Parker also seemed to survive it pretty well (for those who might not know, Sarah Jessica Parker starred as the title character in "Annie" on Broadway back in the day), and a few, like Drew Barrymore, were able to overcome earlier struggles. But parenting is not easy for anyone anywhere. Parenting through throngs of fans has to be a nightmare.

WHAT THE FEMINISTS DIDN'T TELL ME AND MY MOM DIDN'T KNOW

My mom was raised in the fifties by well-intentioned parents who didn't really intend on her becoming anything other than a housewife and mother. She was never offered college. She wasn't pushed to study. She wasn't told to have a career or to be able to take care of herself. And she did exactly as she was told. She became super mom. My sister and I grew up in a home with a true caretaker. There were always home-cooked meals, clean clothes in our drawers, on-time carpools and plenty of mom and me time. Even now, my friends reminisce fondly about how my house was always the house to be at because mom was always available to everyone with food and an ear to bend. 

At the same time that my mom was modeling truly being a present and available parent in my life, she and my father were, of course, raising me to be an independent woman with my own career and bank account. My parents had two daughters growing up in the seventies and eighties. As parents, they were following the new feminist wave and encouraging their girls to live up to great potential. We were rightfully told that we could be anything we wanted to be. We were urged to travel, go out of state to exciting and stimulating universities and pursue our passions. 

Minding my business

Remember back when William Clinton was caught with a cigar in his intern?  So many of us sighed, pushed back our hair, and said, “Who the hell cares?  It’s not our goddamned business, as long as he is doing his job well.  He can stick whatever he likes wherever he likes as long as it is between consenting adults.”

Lately, the reaction to these semi-annual Politician Mistress Scandals has been to sort of shrug and forgive.  It may affect the transgressor in the moment, but many elected officials with straying organs of manliness have gone on to have lovely careers.  We just don’t care that much, unless the politician disappears for a few days to fly to another country for his booty call, which sort of offends our “Buy American” sensibilities.

And, we shouldn’t care.  Yes, Clinton crossed a line because Lewinsky was barely out of diapers and he was abusing power.  OK, got it. And Sanford?  It makes for an excellent story, but the sex is beside the point – it is his fondness for completely disappearing that ought to bother people.  All the guys in between?  Whatever.  Their wives should be pissed.  The rest of us ought to have better things to do with our time.

Three adults and two kids in a one bedroom house

Every year is same. My husband stays home and works, while I drive my kids and I the 18 hours to Seattle, to spend the summer with family. Every year I feel the same excitement, as the summer gets closer. And then, the same anxiety, when the days draw near.

I love traveling, so it is natural for me to anticipate my next adventure. Getting out of LA, to spend the summer camping, visiting friends and family, and cruising around the Northwest, is a perfect summer for me. But then I am reminded of the difficulty and drama that arises every year. First there is the difficulty of driving 18 hours, with kids anxious to be there already. Then there is the drama that arises when we are stuck for too long in a one bedroom house with three adults and two kids, one that does not usually contain children. Then the drama that arises while spending 10 days camping with three other families, and the drama that arises when grandma's methods come in conflict with my own.

I need to mentally prepare myself now. The first couple years, I really took every outburst and frustration personally. But now, I have come to understand that it is not about me. I think we all have hopes and expectations of how the time will be spent. But it doesn't always work out like expected. Normal routines are thrown out the window and the natural balance upset. No matter how much our families love us, having two rambunctious kids in the normally quiet house can be overwhelming.