Open Letter to My Post-Partum Body

Dear Body,

Let me preface this by saying how much I appreciate the great job you did on growing little Josephine. She's healthy and perfect, and I appreciate your not having grown her as big as her brother.  You're also doing fabulously on recovering from the c-section. So well that we didn't even use up all the painkilling drugs they sent home with us, and were up and driving around a week after the baby arrived. Thanks for all that! And for only gaining 30 lbs this pregnancy, instead of the 50 you gained last time. That was great!

But we have a few areas where there is room for improvement. I'd really like to see you make progress on these, and I want you to know, I'll help if I can figure out how.

First, there's the belly acne. WHAT is up with that? Yuck Yuck McYuckMiester! You never did that to me after Noah was born, and I have no idea how to deal with it.

Also, I'm wondering if the belly skin that flops over the c-section scar and hangs down like a puffy curtain valance is going to be a permanent change. I don't mind the scar -- in fact, I feel like it's sort of a badge of honor. My children came into the world through that scar. But I'm not a fan of the valance.

I'm dreading the post-partum hair exodus. Is there any chance we can make it less dramatic and drawn-out this time? I'm going to be job hunting, and shedding hair all over the interview room doesn't make a fabulous impression. We're also trying to sell the house, and unlike people with pets, we aren't used to having to vacuum up hair every day.

Lastly, the crazy hormone roller-coaster and possible PPD. I don't even really know what to say about that. I hate it, it makes me feel awful, the random crying and hypersensitivity sucks. I know it happens to lots of people, but body, if you would hurry through this phase, I will never say anything bad about you again.

I promise.

P.S. Adding that first gray hair this week was a nice touch. The proverbial icing on the cake. Thanks.

This is an original Deep South Moms Blog post. Liza regularly blogs on her personal site, LizaWasHere. (Well, it used to be regularly. That was before she had a newborn. It will be regularly again, I swear.)