Deep South Moms

Cinemas Interruptus … Is my child ready for the movie theater?

I’m often bemoaning the lack of spacing between my children.  We went from zero to three in 19 months (a singleton & twins).  Like anything, you can always look on the bright side of life (to quote “Life of Brian.”)  Bright side = the kids have somewhat similar interests since they are so close in age; they can share gender-neutral clothing & shoes; they sometimes play nicely together.  On the dark side, it’s HARD! 

I equate having three kids who are virtually triplets to a long-distance relationship where the loved-one lives, oh, not more than an hour away.  It’s tough and draining, but do-able.  Whereas, having quintuplets (as do our neighbors) is like that long-distance relationship where the loved one lives across the ocean and the only way you’re getting there is by flying.  Not so do-able, but maybe not as draining because you don’t even attempt to bring all five kiddo’s to the grocery store.  The family with the quintuplets (plus singleton) has out of necessity embraced the “it takes a village” mentality and has volunteers manning the house 24/7.  They are coping on the scaled-down level that their situation demands.  I’m not saying it’s easy for them, but just different.

A Trip to the Tailor

My husband had some pants that needed to be repaired - sitting his wallet wore a hole through the suit pants, and because it was his favorite suit, he'd rather have it repaired than discarded - and so he asked that I take it to the tailor.

I was fine with that, for I had some pants that I bought on Ebay that to be needed taken in about three inches, and so I could accomplish both errands at once. When I went in, I noticed that there was a customer in front of me, and so I sat on the (very comfy) couch and watched. After all, I had no children with me and I could just - relax.

Relaxation is very scarce in my life.

The Invisible Woman

How is it that everyone in my family feels they could use more clothes, yet I can hardly walk for the piles in my laundry room and no one is naked?  And on those days when I feel as though I am constantly feeding the washing machine, trying to get a glimpse of the bottom of the basket, all the folded stuff won’t fit in our drawers.  I have been known to wash 7 loads in one day.  Yes, you read that right:  SEVEN.  That only happens when I do something crazy though, like get sick or dare to take a weekend “off“.   Usually it’s one or two loads per day.  Granted, there are six of us, but that still seems a bit much doesn’t it?  I feel a trip to the Goodwill donation center coming on.

Laundry is easily my least favorite chore.  It’s so relentless.  Unending.  It’s also one of the “invisible” chores.  You know what I’m talking about?  Some things make a huge impact and really make you feel productive, like picking up toys in the living room (I mean after the kids are in bed of course, otherwise you may as well be shoveling snow in the midst of the storm) or cleaning the kitchen after a meal.  Getting all those dishes neatly into the dishwasher and wiping down all the counters makes a noticeable improvement in the room you can see and appreciate.  Likewise wiping all the toothpaste off the bathroom mirror (and counter, and cabinet fronts, and floor--what do they DO in there anyway??) and scrubbing the science experiment out of the toilet bowl leaves that room shining and smelling good.  You can tell you’ve been in there.

Summoning My Inner Glue Gun Goddess

I don't consider myself especially crafty. I've never owned a glue gun, I don't knit, and the last traditional scrapbook I put together was more than 10 years ago. But when you have kids you dust off the Elmer's glue and start looking at household objects like paper plates and coffee filters and toilet paper rolls with new eyes.

My 7-year-old's big school fundraiser was last week and each class was commissioned to create their own scarecrow. I walked my daughter in one morning and her teacher cornered me about making the official sign for Sallie Mae, the scarecrow. Before I knew it, I was agreeing to make a sign and my heart started racing. Would I fail Crafty Elementary School Mom Basics 101? Would my daughter hide her head in shame when her classmates asked what kind of crummy sign-making woman excuse for a mother she had? NO! I would not disappoint. I would summon my inner crafty girl out of dormancy. She would rise from the ashes wielding glitter glue and pipe cleaners!

Holiday Lessons

The holidays are fast approaching.  Most of the stores in my area were hanging large snowflakes from the ceiling before the Halloween candy was marked down.  Christmas music is already playing in some stores and the greeting card isle is already promoting anything that falls under the category of 'Happy Holidays!' Holiday catalogs have been coming in the mail for weeks now and my children are already bringing home information about holiday festivities at school.  There's feasts, parties, donations, charitable contributions, Secret Santa, and many other events in the works.  

While I admit that the holidays are much more enjoyable since I've had children, I'm beginning to wonder if it isn't time to teach them a bigger lesson about the holidays.  

Giving.  

Explaining the Ft. Hood Tragedy

Cross posted from our sister blog, DC Metro Moms Blog.

I grew up in a military family.  My father was a career Air Force officer, as was his father.  My brother joined the Army a few years after high school and served two tours in Bosnia before he got out.  Of course then he gave my mother a heart attach by turning around and joining the Ohio National Guard.  Thankfully, he returned from a tour in the Middle East late last year. My husband spent 20 years in the Navy - 3 on active duty and then 17 in the Navy Reserves.

I also happen to live in the Hampton Roads area of Southeast Virginia, home to one of the largest concentrations of military and veteran families in the country.  I'm actually hard pressed to think of a close friend in the area that isn't associated with the military.  

In my professional life, I'm the New Media Director for Blue Star Families, a non-partisan, non-profit dedicated to empowering and supporting military families.  My community, online and in "real" life, is the military community and my community is hurting right now.

We don't know what caused Major Nidal Hasan to open fire in a soldier readiness facility on the U.S. Army's largest facility.  I don't want to speculate.  Besides, the reason for Hasan's actions is largely irrelevant to the Ft. Hood families affected by the tragedy.  For them, and for many of us, the tragedy is incomprehensible. 

But what I do know is that military families across all of the services are stressed beyond belief.  While I no longer have to deal with the threat of activation and deployment, I've watched friend after friend try to hold things together for 6 months, a year or 18 months at a time, only to do it all over again a few months after a service member's return.  Deployment after deployment is hard on a family, particularly families with children.  And when a soldier, sailor or airman (or woman) comes home, nothing is immediately easy.  Families have to readjust, learn new routines, and all too frequently help a service member cope with injuries.  Families also deal with the unseen wounds of war such as post-traumatic stress disorder, traumatic brain injury, and even secondary PTSD, a form of post-traumatic stress disorder that can affect care givers (such as spouses, nurses and doctors) constantly dealing with the trauma of others.

Read the rest of this post at the DC Metro Moms Blog.

And The Dating Begins

I heard a rumor that a boy was going to ask my 12 year old daughter, "S", on a date.  That this rumor came to me from both "S" herself and my wife makes it fairly reliable.  On Wednesday, there had been a flurry of text messages between "S" and her friends, some Facebook messages and a couple phone calls, followed by much squealing.  The result of which was that I was informed that this boy, whom shall be referred to as "the boy", wanted to ask my daughter out.

See, the thing is, though, I've yet to obtain his application for clearance so that I can preform the necessary background checks. I'd met the boy when "S" had some friends over for her birthday. He did laugh at my jokes, which is a definite plus, and the boy did tell "S" that he thought her parents were cool (or is that "kewl?"), which was another HUGE mark in his favor. But other than that, all I know is that the boy and his family come to North Carolina from New York City. That in itself could swing either way. Oh, and he needs a haircut, although my wife thinks he looks good that way.

Sugar Overload

What is it about this time of year that turns us all into sugar giving and sugar seeking maniacs?  We have enjoyed 4 different fall or Halloween parties, and have left each party with 3 kids each carrying a huge sack of various bite sized (and sometimes full sized) bits of candy.  We won a few cake walks, celebrated a birthday or two with more sugar, and have essentially stuffed ourselves silly with various sweet concoctions. 

Has anyone here heard of the rising rates of childhood obesity?  Did you know that simply living here in the South puts you in a higher risk category for this epidemic?  Am I the only one striving to keep my kids eating whole grains, fruits and vegetables, and trying to minimize the processed and refined sugars? 

I’m not only worried about broad health issues.  I’m also trying to preserve my sanity.  My efforts to limit my kids to only a few pieces of candy per day have put us in a war of their constant pleading and begging and my constant irritation and capitulation.   When I let them have their way and eat what they want, big surprise, they are cranky, tired, and generally little hellions.  Am I the only one who sees food as a direct influence on behavior? 

Stepford Girls & Queen Bees

I was sitting outside at a cafe enjoying lunch with my sons the other day. A gaggle of middle school girls plopped down next to us. All nine girls were dressed exactly alike: Nike running shorts in an assortment of colors, Ugg boots, black North Face fleece jackets. I can tell you that I never owned a pair of $200 boots when I was 12. Heck, I'm 41 and still don't own boots that cost that much, which incidentally is as much as the rent in my first apartment (granted, it was a crappy apartment, and I shared it...but still). All the girls reminded me of the pint size versions of their Stepford Moms.

Even my 6-year old son remarked on their appearance. He looked at them quizzically, then looked around at the other patrons, and asked me why they were dressed alike. My 4-year old asked if it was some sort of costume since it was the day before Halloween. We all wondered why the heck they were wearing fuzzy woolly boots with running shorts. I was wondering what's happened to this world in which 12-year old girls are carrying LouisVuitton bags and sporting iPhones.

Why Such a Rush?

I love this time of year!  What's not to love?  Fall means cooler weather (Hallelujah!) and crisp, colorful nature-orange, yellow, brown, and green.  Pumpkins, hayrides, scarecrows, falling leaves....   Ahhh...  I really do love autumn.

Who am I kidding?!?!  The real reason I love this time of year is....the HOLIDAYS!  October kicks off the holiday season in our home.  We have tons of October birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, St. Nick's Day and then....Boom!  Christmas and New Year's usher in winter.  As a mom, I will tell you that this is one of the most exciting times of the whole year for my children.

Growing Up is Hard to Do

When I dreamed of becoming a mother I wondered how I would handle the many challenges that come along with the job.  I wondered if I would do the same things my mother did, instill the same values, and provide the foundation for my children to grow into well adjusted adults.

Then, in August, my daughter started middle school and my parenting world came crashing down around me.   Let's be kind and say it's been a few years since I was in school and let me tell you, times have changed. 

We Only Write on Paper

Each of my children has gone through a phase where they want to express themselves by coloring on large canvases.  Unfortunately, these tend to be the surfaces upon which we least want them to color.  The floor, the wall, the furniture all are exciting places for my boys to see their art work spring to life.

There seems to be a certain age at which this occurs.  In my experience it's right around the two year mark, and they seem to outgrow it sometime before they turn four.  Of course, there's the occasional relapse and sometimes an older child (who knows better) will lose their mind and inappropriately "decorate" my home.

My youngest seemed to hit this phase early and got my couch with permanent marker not once, but twice in one week when he was just 18 months old.  Both times, the offending markers were on high shelves. He just climbed up and got them while I was distracted. We learned, too late, that over time (and sitting on it) the marker will fade. Unfortunately, I had already damaged the finish of the leather trying to get it off. 

Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

Don’t EVER lie to me.  I’m serious.  That is something I cannot tolerate.  You can hurt my feelings, forget a lunch date, change plans at the last minute or wreck my car and I’ll forgive you but I have a long memory and a deep distrust when it comes to someone who has lied.  That’s a biggie in my book. 

Now before you think I’m a little too “holier than thou”, hear me out.  I’m not talking about those little lies everyone tells.   Those polite words that make things nicer or make someone feel better.  I’ll admit to telling a few of those myself, though I do try very hard not to tell an actual untruth.  For instance, if a dress isn’t particularly flattering (but my friend has already purchased it and is wearing it while we’re out) there is nothing to be gained by saying this to her.  So if she asks “What do you think about my new dress?”  I might say something like, “That is such a gorgeous color!  Where did you find it?”  I will find as many positive (true) things as I can to say about the dress without saying “It looks great on you”.  Same goes for food that someone has prepared. You can usually find something nice to say enthusiastically without saying “It’s delicious!” (But if you can’t, well then say “It’s delicious!” and say it with feeling!  It’s just plain rude not to and besides, if you’re lucky enough to have someone preparing food for you then count your blessings!)

The Lighter Side of the Great Mommy Debate

It seems that the old should-mothers-work-or-stay-at-home debate has begun to resurface, especially in the blogosphere.  I find this debate unfortunate because not only is it a debate that cannot be won, but it's a debate that discourages women from supporting one another.  Instead, it encourages us to undermine each other's values, choices and capabilities.  It is a debate that angrily divides us.  Which is why I will absolutely not get into such a debate.  Instead, I would like to offer a lighter look at the stay-at-home-or-work debate, and offer a view where both options look equally attractive (or equally unattractive, depending on your perspective!).

After reading many blog posts and articles about this debate (along with the scathing reader comments that inevitably follow) I realize that I could be ending my blogging career just as quickly as it began with this post.  It is with this thought in mind that I say once again that this is not about choosing which option is better.  I repeat, I am not supporting one choice over the other.  In an attempt to avoid some of those scathing (and admittedly kind of scary) aforementioned comments, I'd like to set some ground rules.

1) Defining terms:

When I say "work full-time", I do not mean to imply that stay-at-home moms do NOT "work full-time".  They do.  All mothers do.  I simply mean that by saying "work full-time", it means you have an additional job, out of the house, for which you get paid.  Also, the type of "full-time" work that I reference is mainly derived from my experience in Corporate America.  This does not mean that your choice to work outside the home is only valid if you work in a big, fancy office at a Fortune 500 company.  It just means that I don't possess the ability or creativity to think outside my own experiences for anecdotal purposes.