DC Metro Moms

Blog for your life!

Science is finally catching up to something that some of us have suspected for quite some time now: blogging can help you feel happier, sleep better, and work out issues.  This month's issue of Scientific American features upcoming studies on how blogging helps people with serious illnesses cope.  (Something about how complaining acts as a placebo treatment for those in pain; I'm not sure I buy that part of it, but I'm no neuroscientist.)  The feedback mechanism (comments) is huge, of course; I wonder if the scientists fully recognize the power of comments and friendship, in any form, in healing.  I hope they do.  I know for me, that's been incredibly important, and I've been speaking out lately about the power of blogging to help heal.  There's an article this month in Health magazine, and I'll be speaking at BlogHer, with Laurie K and Flutter, about the power of blogging communities as a healing force. 

Of course, none of this is news to any of you.  You know what it means to blog.  You feel its power, its pull, and you come away from your computers more satisfied and fulfilled after a good blog writing and rerading session.  It connects us.  It heals.   

I Walk For Life

About 5 months before I was to be married, I went in for my annual gynecological exam. Nothing major, I needed a new birth control prescription and the annual routine exam. Except this time, it was not routine.

The doctor found a lump in my breast. At 25, breast cancer wasn't even on my radar screen. I had no family history. When I told my doctor that, she said that is one of the biggest myths about breast cancer. Family history is only one factor. There are so many more, some of them they don't even know.  She indicated she really didn't like how the lump felt, and advised me to get a sonogram the next day. She made some calls and got me an appointment.

It is never good when during a sonogram the sonogram tech says, "hold on.  I need to get a doctor."

The films were sent to my gynecologist and she informed me to see a surgeon, pronto! Which I did. I had an appointment on a Tuesday, and the surgery was set for the following

Avon Walking

As a patient, I found that the hardest part about fighting breast cancer was the feeling that I had to do it alone. 

Just a few months ago, I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer.  At 34, my world consisted of playdates and walks in the park, simple times with my two baby boys that I enjoyed with all my heart.  With the diagnosis, though, my world changed in an instant.  Days at the beach were replaced with days in bed.  Sunny afternoons in the park were few and far between, as I became unable even to drive or lift my little one out of his car seat.  Regular trips downtown to visit the museums were put on hold, as I visited the hospital instead.  Although I knew that treatment was necessary for me to have a chance at life again, it was difficult for me to give up the good times and turn to fighting cancer instead.

No one brings a party to the chemo ward.

Coping With Illness While Caring For Family

RECAP!

We are the sandwich generation.  It's not that we have a great affinity for peanut butter and jelly, although our kids do, but we are the generation that will probably be simultaneously caring for our parents and our children.

We were older than our parents were when we started our families.  As a consequence, many of us have small children and parents with health problems.  Some of us may even be coping with health problems of our own.

So how do we balance all of this caretaking with our own personal needs and goals?  How do we retain our identities as women, not just mothers and daughters, when the stresses of a serious or chronic health condition are added to the already overloaded burdens we carry?  The women of the Silicon Valley, Chicago, New York, and D.C. Metro Moms Blogs discussed this very issue.

Silicon Valley Moms Blog

• Coping With Chronic Pain - Two Years And Counting
• Kids With Disorders - Moms In The Closet
• They Won't Be Around Forever......
• Life With Diabetes Age 11, 9 Months
• What We Don't Talk About
• 222 Potential Bone Marrow Donors
• Looking For Zebras
• The Long-Term Legacy Of Illness
• Little Boys To The Rescue

DC Metro Moms Blog

• When Mom Is Sick, Everything Changes
• How Do You Ever Cope When It's Mom?
• I'm Not So Different
• Is A Condition An Illness?

Chicago Moms Blog

• Doctor Recommended Costco
• Coping With The Unknown
• Giving Medicine To A Stubborn Child
• When The Mama Cat Comes Out

New York City Moms Blog

• LAM - A Little Known Disease
• Sandwich Generation

When Mom is sick, everything changes

When Mom is sick, everything changes.  The rhythms of the household just aren't the same as before the illness.  Maybe the laundry doesn't get done as fast.  Maybe the kitchen floor isn't washed as often.  Maybe nobody notices the laundry or the floor anymore.

Maybe carpools are more of a burden on Dad, or maybe playdates are curtailed for other reasons, like the increased risk of infection for a mom in chemo, lack of time due to daily radiation, or lack of energy due to ... well, just about any of it.

Maybe Mom can't pick up the baby anymore.  Maybe she's sick in bed.  Maybe this goes on for a while, or even a long while, and then maybe it's just not the same anymore.

But one thing will always be the same, no matter what.

How Do You Ever Cope When it's Mom?

I have been so lucky in my life. I have been healthy. My family has been healthy. Both sets of grandparents are still alive. I have never had to deal with the sudden shock of illness, taking care of an older parent, a sick child or the possibility of death. That is until last August.

My mom had been dealing with a horrible cough for many months, possibily even closer to a year. She complained and saw doctors, and they pushed her off. Finally, one doctor listened to what she was saying, ran tests and found she had a two tumors on her liver and was stage 4 unknown cancer. No one ever asked how long she had, but we knew when they discussed chemo that they never wanted to plan past the 6-month treatment.

How did I cope? How does a daughter ever deal with the possible death of her mother? 

My reaction--which I attribute to my one-quarter Jewish, one-quarter Italian heritage--was to drink and cook and cook and drink. Sometimes even at the same time. I drove down to Richmond immediately to see my parents and cooked almost a month's worth of food, and probably consumed a month's worth of wine in that week as well.   

She has since made it through the six months of chemo and is facing a surgery this month which might help extend her life. They don't know if it will or for how long. They really have no idea about anything.

I'm Not So Different

When I saw the topic that we were going to discuss a bit today, my first thought was that I am the perfect person to discuss this - I'm the child of someone who had a chronic illness - my Mom. But after thinking about it and even asking my husband, I really wasn't sure what to write about. I had a relatively normal childhood, developed into what I believe is a good adult, and now am raising a family of my own. I wondered if I should discuss those things that I missed out on growing up, but that list goes on and on and really isn't any different than the lists for most other kids my age. I thought that maybe I could discuss the effect that it had on my folks marriage, but they were happily married for 36 years, with the regular levels of marital strife, nothing more. I could also go to great lengths to discuss the character of my Mom, Dad, and myself - having to cope with a chronic illness is tough and changes you in ways that I'm probably still not aware of. But that too can happen to someone else for a variety of reasons, and that person might have more insight.  So I figured that I'd talk about the one thing that is different about my story. My mom passed away a bit over a year ago, from something other than her chronic illness.

Is a Condition an Illness?

I've been wracking my brain as to what to write concerning the topic of coping with illness. I've definitely had extended family who have had to cope with them, but (knock on wood) we have been lucky enough to not have to contend with serious illnesses in my immediate family.

I mentally cataloged my family, and most of us have "conditions," none of which I would define as an illness, but which are things that require coping nonetheless.  Coping—and semi-regular trips to the pharmacy.

Lessons learned after a hospital admission

My almost 3 year old son, Michael, was recently hospitalized unnecessarily.  I'm actually going to walk through what happened, not because I think you all care so much, but because I think I made some mistakes that could have avoided all this nonsense. I know moms read this blog and trust me, YOU are responsible for your child's medical care. The entire time we were in the hospital, no one once spoke to Doug, it was always me. And I'm sorry, it's going to get long. I actually hate long blog entries, I like to get in and out, that's why I don't write them

Friday Michael had a high fever. Friday night he he was up all night complaining that his ears hurt. Saturday morning we took him to the doctor and was told he had a sore throat. Not strep, a sore throat. Sunday morning he threw up twice, Sunday afternoon he developed a rash all over his body. I called the pediatrician and was told to get him to an ER immediately.

A Ticket to Canada

I was late to the party when it came to seeing Michael Moore's movie Sicko.  But as far as I'm concerned, it's a movie that every American should see before they vote in this presidential election.

Regardless of what you think about Michael Moore and his theatrics, one thing is clear -- if you live in Canada (or a variety of European countries), there are a lot fewer worries about health care -- getting it and paying for it -- than we have here in the United States.

Our family is really lucky.  We have a good insurance policy, so we worry a lot less than many families when it comes to health care.   But apparently one of the men we've come to know and like who works at my daughter's elementary school does not.