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November 05, 2008

For Sale: As Is

1_3 I work outside the home four days a week which means that the normal three-ring circus in a house with two kids must have a finale before 8:00AM. On a really good day the kids get breakfast at the table, on an OK day they eat in the car and on (most) harried days they wear jimmies to the car and eat the daycare provided breakfast.


When we found a home a few miles north of where we currently live and needed to sell our beloved, but small townhouse we set in action the crazy series of events required to move on two properties (i.e., buying the new place and selling our existing house). This meant turning the circus on its head and performing Herculean feats to get the routine completed and leave the house spotless.

My spouse and I were able to return our 1942 home to its previous luster in about 36 hours with the help of a 10’x5’ storage unit and a few Magic Erasers. We are type A in the home maintenance department so our place is in good shape and didn’t require any major repairs.  In addition, my house is cleaned twice a month by the lovely woman I hired when I realized that we were all going to get bed bugs if the sheets weren’t changed and the floors vacuumed more than once a year. She ensures that the toilets pass health codes, the tub mold is manageable and the silverware sits in its proper drawer twice a month. Usually, within 10 minutes of us returning home on a cleaning day there is not a trace of evidence that she was there. Toys everywhere, coats tossed, bottles tipped, and probably a dirty diaper in the midst. We live this way with increasing mess and chaos until the cleaning crew puts it all back together two weeks later.

However, the prospects of not only holding it together daily, but to a higher standard than even my mother requires sends me into cardiac arrest.

Make beds, fold laundry, dry dishes, clean cat vomit, hang coats, store toys, and give it all a spit shine…every time I leave the house…you have got to be kidding! Duckie’s (aka son #2) morning ritual is to unroll the toilet paper tube. It usually stays that way until we use it or G (aka, son #1) pees on it and we toss the mess. Now I need to ensure there is nary a stray hair on the floor lest someone say “eeewww” and walk away from the sale.

I have managed this circus for exactly one day so far. Keeping it up for the average of 30 days it takes to sell a house in our neighborhood is likely going to results in an addendum to the contract.  "Stray hairs, spilled milk and Little People included…House sold as is.”

When she is not digging cheerios out of the corners of the couch and shining the doorknobs Kelly can be found musing about other life events at www.unanchoredthoughts.blogspot.com

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